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First time mother - Do i hold my baby first?

(69 Posts)
Lea2014 Thu 15-Jan-15 11:44:43

Im new to this so sorry if this seems a silly question. My partner has already got 3 children from previos relationships and this is my first, he keeps mentioning how all his kids have been placed in his arms first and how it will be same for this one - Is this correct? I want to be the first to hold my baby and the thought of the baby going to him first upsets me , any ideas?

Memphisbelly Thu 15-Jan-15 11:48:02

Usually baby will be placed onto your chest as soon as it is born, I requested for my dh to hold our ds before me as it is something I really wanted but normally onto the mother. Something you need to discuss with your dh, he probably requested to hold them first when they came out, if it isn't something you want you need to sort it before the birth.

Lazymummy2014 Thu 15-Jan-15 11:49:25

It should be to you - baby is passed straight to mum for skin on skin by most midwives now. Anyway, it's your labour so you get to call the shots. Write it in your birth plan, tell the midwives you want immediate skin to skin.

Have you spoken to your partner about this properly? It sounds like he means first one to hold the baby once the cord has been cut (not generally done immediately anymore) the baby cleaned up, weighed and wrapped up in a neat bundle!

Pointlessfan Thu 15-Jan-15 11:49:58

I had an emergency section and the baby needed some minor treatment so I was briefly shown her then DH went with her for the treatment while they stitched me up.
However, in a normal delivery I'm fairly sure the pass the baby straight to mum for skin to skin and to encourage breastfeeding to start. You can always put it in your birth plan.

SunnyBaudelaire Thu 15-Jan-15 11:50:07

no the baby goes to you first in the normal order of things.
Your partner does not sound very nice.

magpieginglebells Thu 15-Jan-15 11:50:26

It's up to you. I had a c section and was really shaky so my husband help my daughter until I was in recovery.

Do what's best for you.

seaoflove Thu 15-Jan-15 11:52:19

There are no rules. It would be rare for the mother not to hold the baby first, although with c sections, as magpie said, it isn't always possible.

42bunnytails1 Thu 15-Jan-15 11:52:33

I cut both cords, but I think DH got first cuddle both times as there is the placenta to deliver and, first time, stitches to do.

It's really not an issue, honestly you'll be too busy/tired/relieved and full of adrenalin to care (or remember that clearly).

glammanana Thu 15-Jan-15 11:55:20

You hold your baby first sweetie if you want to and tell him to wait,put it in your notes and tell your midwife that is what you want regardless of what he says,he sounds a bit controlling to me.

monkeyfacegrace Thu 15-Jan-15 11:57:23

I've ordered DH to hold ours first!

He always has to cuddle and give the first bottle, while I lie back, crack open a can of coke and get stitched up.

I've grown the baby for months, I need space!

But just ask the midwife, it's not a huge deal.

42bunnytails1 Thu 15-Jan-15 11:58:15

DD1's was a long labour so they wanted to check her over, so I don't think she was placed in me,

DD was born with me crouched by the side of our bed and I stayed like that to deliver the placenta. I was holding on to DH during labour and the MW or bed edge for the placenta. No arms for cuddles.

No matter she BF 24/7 for 5.5 months and more sensibly for years, so we have had a lot of hugs. In fact at 13 she still demands the odd hug.

Lea2014 Thu 15-Jan-15 11:58:32

Thanks everyone for your quick responses!
The skin on skin were the words i was looking for (sorry like i said my first one so new to it all) that is what i meant.
He doesnt say it in a nasty way i probably worded it incorrect, i think its just he has quite a strong bond with all three of the children. Once the baby is cleaned and wrapped up i have no issues it going to daddy for a hold and a little bonding however i meant when it first came out, exciting but nervous times x

yellowsnownoteatwillyou Thu 15-Jan-15 12:01:45

I had an elcs, and had it in my head I that I needed to hold the baby first and dh was happy with that. However when baby was delivered they let dh cut the cord, checked him wrapped him up after putting a nappy on him and handed him to dh, and I didn't actually mind. They put him on my chest when I was wheeled down to recovery.
The only concern I have is your dh expects that the baby is handed to him as it's happened before, it's your first baby, you will have delivered it, your choice,in my head.

elfycat Thu 15-Jan-15 12:04:26

Tell the midwife you want first hold if at all possible. You have all the rights here - your partner does not. Have another discussion with him about what you want, but after that I'd only discuss it with the midwife. Believe me I've seen midwives kick obstructive and unsupportive birth partners out (only twice in a long career); they have no rights.

But keep your internal plan flexible and don't 'set your heart' - it very much depends on the birth and how mother and baby are.

DD1 was 4 weeks prem so whisked off to the 'baby grill' as I've called when working in obstetric theatre a table with fluffy warm towels and a warmer over the top and the suction/emergency stuff on it. She was fine and handed to me after a few minutes. The midwife chatted away happily to me and I could see her.

DD2 was born vontouse and put onto my tummy, but she went a bit blue while they were doing a teaching session with the cord and so was whipped off to the baby grill for a checkover. Again she was handed back in a couple of minutes. I guess she didn't like being pulled about.

From what I have seen in CSections (elective and emergency) the baby will always go for a check up on the table, and most often will then be squeezed next to the mother on her top of chest, or held by her face while the stitches are put in (often by birth partner). The birth partner would then get a cuddle while the transfer to recovery happens and then the baby tucked into the bed with the mother.

GlitzAndGigglesx Thu 15-Jan-15 12:05:11

You can also write in your birth plan you would like skin to skin either after baby being cleaned or straight away. Once I'd pushed dd out she was held up for me to see what the sex was then passed straight to me. Completely down to you as the mother

NickyEds Thu 15-Jan-15 12:09:30

Ds came shooting out, all in one contraction, mw put him on sort of my lower abdomen and I scooped him onto my chest for skin to skin. The mw then did clamping and cutting etc and he went to OH for a cuddle whilst I was stitched up. I think that's fairly standard.

RC1234 Thu 15-Jan-15 12:13:35

It went baby born. Cord cut with midwife holding while dad cut. Midwife/ doctor takes baby to do first checks (takes about a minute) whilst I had injection in bum to aid afterbirth (this is optional you can do it naturally). They then asked if I wanted skin to skin. I said yes so they placed baby on my chest while they pulled the placenta out and inspected it. So mum always gets first refusal unless there is an emergency.

WipsGlitter Thu 15-Jan-15 12:15:32

DS1 - bit of a emergency, he was shown to me and them whipped off to the special cot to be checked. He was fine and was then given to me.

DS2 - can't remember!

dancingwitch Thu 15-Jan-15 12:21:34

You'll be so elated & relieved, you probably won't mind! Also, don't get too hung up on this sort of thing as, whilst you can plan, you have no idea how your labour is going to go.
DC1 was grey & floppy when born so straight over to the resus bed to be given oxygen & sorted out. She was cleaned & wrapped up as part of this & then I asked for her to go to DP rather than me as I was still shaky & couldn't really control my arms. I did do a bit of skin to skin but they wouldn't let me hold her whilst they stitched her up so DP did skin to skin.
DC2 definitely went straight to DP & stayed there for a while as that time I was vomiting as well as shaking from shock & you can't hold a bowl & a newborn.

Lazymummy2014 Thu 15-Jan-15 12:22:37

OP, it would probably be worth going to a childbirth class - nct do very good courses or you can look at the single sessions run by the hospital / unit you're looking at going to for the labour. Your midwife should be able to give you the details. If your partner comes with you it would give you the opportunity to talk together about what you want to happen in the labour and (if it's been a while since his other children were born) a chance for him to get an update on how things are done now. I think the big push towards immediate skin to skin has been fairly recent, so it might just be that he's a little out of date.

MissHJ Thu 15-Jan-15 12:25:45

I held my son first. He was placed straight on to my chest as was in my birth plan. I think it is very nice to get skin to skin straight after the birth. You can hold your baby first, your oh should be more understanding. He has had 3 children, this is your first so very special for you.

lynniep Thu 15-Jan-15 12:27:11

When I gave birth to DS2 I asked for him to be given to DH. The midwife refused my request and gave him to me anyway.

Lea2014 Thu 15-Jan-15 12:32:16

My partners youngest is 8 so maybe he's a bit out of date with how things are done x

SunnyBaudelaire Thu 15-Jan-15 12:34:58

I doubt it, tbh, 8 years is no time ago, and I doubt very much that all the people on this thread have children under 8. Possibly your partner is a controlling arse, that is why his wife divorced him.

LizzieMint Thu 15-Jan-15 12:35:20

All three of mine were delivered straight to me, I was the one to find out the sex each time and held them until the cord was cut (last one we waited till the cord stopped pulsating so was a good 20 mins before it was cut). We both had had a good long cuddle before the baby was dressed or nappied, but had water births so the babies are generally very clean as they get a wash on the way out!
Think about what you want and write that in your birth plan - yes you often need to change plans but it still helps to have a good idea in your head first of how your ideal would be.

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