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Is it normal to feel a sort or sadness or anticlimax once the baby is born?

(23 Posts)
dottytablecloth Tue 16-Dec-14 16:18:57

Probably so clumsily worded but I hope people will get what I mean. This is kind of AIBU but I didn't want to post there!

My beautiful baby is 6 days old, she's gorgeous and I'm totally besotted with her but I feel a little sad for a number of reasons.

I suffered for dreadful sickness and am blessed to have two kids but I simply couldn't put everyone through my sickness again (or myself) plus we can't afford more than 2 children. But I feel sad that I'll never be pregnant again- what on earth is this feeling as I really didn't enjoy being pregnant! confused

I've just had my section c section and although I was incredibly nervous it really was a positive experience. I feel a bit sad that I'll never be having that sense of a big event again. What on earth is wrong with me? Who would be feeling sad that they won't be having a c section ever again?! hmm

I also have a very active toddler who needs to be entertained and I'm finding it ok as dh is on paternity leave but I'm dreading him going back to work and having to lift and sort him out.

I feeling sad that in 8 months I'll have to return to work, but that EIGHT months away, so why is it stressing me out now?

I'm BU aren't I?

carries Tue 16-Dec-14 16:22:02

No you're not! I've had 3 DC and felt blue & irrational & anxious & stressed abt future events. It's hormaonal. And will pass. It took me till DD3 to realise this & I could say to myself "it's hormones", it passed in 8-10 weeks with me. Be easy on yourself.

Stokey Tue 16-Dec-14 16:40:09

I think just after your milk comes in, is when you get your biggest hit of the baby blues. So you're not BU, it's very natural to feel like this.

jaykay34 Tue 16-Dec-14 21:24:50

I felt like that...I think a lot of people do so you are definitely not alone.

I had my youngest (and last) in September and also had that sad feeling that I would never be pregnant/give birth again (despite, like you, not enjoying pregnancy).

For the first 6 weeks after, I would count the days passing and feel sad that the birth was more and more in the past, if you get what I mean.

I'm actually over this feeling now and my baby is 12 weeks old. I think it's mainly hormonal emotion.

thomasstockmann Wed 17-Dec-14 06:07:06

Hi dottytablecloth!
I agree with other posters, hormones are very powerful just following birth.
I did have a few days where I mourned my pregnancy (not feeling the baby move inside me anymore-clearly didn't mourn nausea, bloody heartburn nor swollen ankles!).
For a long list of reasons having another child is probably not on the cards. But I find ruling it out 100% upsetting. So I've settled for "I probably won't have another baby but I keep the idealised idea open" if that makes sense.

dottytablecloth Wed 17-Dec-14 09:37:26

Thanks for the replies and I'm happy to know that I'm not a total weirdo.

It's crazy how the sadness can make you feel. Maybe a few weeks of broken sleep with my newborn will be what I need.

Thanks for the reassurance thanks

dayspringjubilee Thu 18-Dec-14 13:56:59

I keep seeing AIBU and I have no idea what it means. Anyone?!

PotteringAlong Thu 18-Dec-14 13:58:35

Am I Being Unreasonable

Sonoma Thu 18-Dec-14 20:47:49

I have always had this feeling. I also get a bit of milk fever which doesn't help so I feel a bit poorly as well. It passes in a short while - just keep an eye on it. Congratulations on your baby!

DefiniteMaybe Thu 18-Dec-14 20:52:48

I've still sort of got this feeling, my baby is dc3 and after her birth i definitely don't want any more children. But it's her 6 week check tomorrow and to my mind that's when she's officially not a newborn anymore and I won't have my own newborn ever again.
I know from experience though that breastfeeding turns me into a hormonal idiot and I cry at everything. I'll turn back into my normal unemotional grumpy self when I stop feeding her when she's far too old because she's my last and I want her to stay little forever

TobyLerone Thu 18-Dec-14 20:58:01

My last baby (DC3) will be 1 in a few weeks and I'm still sad I'll never be pregnant/give birth/have a newborn again. It's actually getting worse as her birthday approaches because then she's definitely not a baby any more.

But it's not so much in an all-out crazy way as in a wistful way. If I could live the last year over again I'd love it.

Congratulations on your lovely newborn flowers envy

TobyLerone Thu 18-Dec-14 20:59:24

I'm still BFing for that exact reason, definite, and have no plans to stop any time soon blush

MehsMum Thu 18-Dec-14 21:14:07

It's entirely normal: even though I knew I was fundamentally happy, I had a bit of cry after each of my DC was born - somewhere during the first week. With the last - who I knew was the last - I used to just stare and stare at that tiny face, willing myself to remember it, how it looked when on the boob, in the cradle, asleep in the car seat.

Pregnantagain7 Fri 19-Dec-14 21:09:55

I'm sad that I won't be pregnant again and I hate being pregnant but I love the whole giving birth meeting your new baby for the first time and the amazing high you get.
Dc4 is now 9 weeks and really coming out of the new born stage it makes me a bit sad to know I will never have a newborn baby or give birth again.
I know it's the right decision not to have anymore children but I think a little part of me will always want more.

1944girl Sat 20-Dec-14 00:26:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notfastjustfurious Sat 20-Dec-14 00:38:37

Aww 1944 that brought a tear, so sad for you but glad everyone was ok.i have just recently started to feel sad and my baby is almost 6 months old. I hated pregnancy and I really hated the cs but looking at her now lying across my chest and I'm sad there won't be another. Although I also know that's the right thing and to be doubly sure husband has been done already. Maybe it is those pesky bf hormones.

1944girl Sat 20-Dec-14 00:48:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dottytablecloth Sat 20-Dec-14 11:41:48

1944 I was tearful reading your story also, I'm glad you posted as it gives some perspective.

I'm glad I started this thread as it's great to hear the experience of others.

I went from being married for 10 years and having no interest in children, to having our first and being adamant that he would be an only and then being broody from the very second he was born. Now I have a gorgeous 10 day dd and I'm still feeling a bit sad that I won't get to experience it all again; she doesn't sleep at all during the night so why do I feel like this? confused

Someone said to me yesterday that it doesn't matter how many children you have you will always miss having a newborn, been if you have 10 it's a very lovely stage and you will always want to go back to it.

I really need to shake myself out of this feeling and enjoy my newborn baby girl. It's nice to chat here.

thanks everyone

Roonerspism Sat 20-Dec-14 11:50:20

I just wanted to post and nod, slightly wistfully.

I have a beautiful (non sleeping) newborn. She is my third and my last. I have already shed tears about this.

I am making the most of every minute. As much as I'm exhausted, with two other young kids, I wish I could make time stand still.

dottytablecloth Sat 20-Dec-14 13:11:48

Rooner hugs to you! I'm feeling the same!

How old is your newborn?

Roonerspism Sat 20-Dec-14 13:16:01

9 days and gorgeous smile

How about you? Congratulations flowers

I'm telling myself not to overthink it. After my second there was always the "maybe another" in my head. But we can't afford any more and I'm getting on a bit!

My friend said she had all these feelings too but they had gone by three months and now she feels like she has moved on. Maybe we will get there too!

But the newborn smell, the tummy kicks, the long hours lying and cuddling.... It's truly special and one of the most precious memories I have, for each of my kids. Sob sad

1944girl Sat 20-Dec-14 18:00:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dottytablecloth Sat 20-Dec-14 18:20:54

My dd is 10 days, she's gorgeous! grin

We definitely can't afford more than two though. My ds is 22 months so it's a different experience looking after a newborn and a toddler. Actually the toddler is more work than the newborn at the minute.

I think I'm starting to feel slightly less emotional about never being pregnant again but only a little!

Like you, I loved the feeling of the baby moving inside me and I'll miss that so much sad

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