As the title says, and sorry in advance for super long thread, but its easier to explain all than just bits in order to make sense.
So I have a complete fear of the concept of giving birth. In fact even the idea of being pregnant makes me feel jittery, but actually giving birth terrifies me... I genuinely think this could be part of the reason it took me 4yrs to conceive, and now I'm 8wks, I'm excited, but feel like I'm living in a bubble, and haven't really excepted its real yet. In fact I'm so paranoid something bad is going to happen, I feel like I'm overreacting about every little symptom!
I do feel I have good reason for being afraid not that any other woman doesn't but I was born 7wks prem, and as a result had a few issues at birth. One was that I had a fused labia, basically meaning my "opening" was closed. The Dr's decided that it should open on its own over time, so left it as it was. Skip forward to me about 6yrs old, and nothing happened. My parents decided out of surgery and "coaxing" methods to go with the latter, meaning every night I had to have a steroid cream rubbed in "down there" and fortnightly visits to the hospital for Dr's to poke around and check the creams were doing their job... After almost a year of this, I became too hysterical at the visits so it was decided that they would leave it as it was, which was about 80% open, which they deemed enough to allow for periods and eventually intercourse when older. What they didn't reckon for was that I would get vaginismous out of this trauma (involuntary spasms of vaginal muscles upon any form of penetration = pain). This led me to many years of counselling, gynae visits and "training" using dilators, before I could even use a tampon (18), let alone anything else.
This has also made TTC very difficult as DTD can be uncomfortable, painful or sometimes impossible for me depending on how relaxed I am. To this day I can't have anyone come near me down there with hands, whether it be for sexual or medical reasons without jumping up the bed/table in pain. And so hence the idea of giving birth with people having to go down there terrifies me.
So obviously first thought would be for me to ask for a CS for psychological reasons... Herein lies my second issue. I have a borderline low immune system, meaning that I take a long time to heal. Long and short of it, Dr's can't do anything to boost this. But to give you an idea, when I had my appendix out, they told me I'd be out if hospital same day, and back at work within 5days - 10 at most if there were complications during surgery (which there weren't)... I was in hospital for 5days, and 6wks later, after the stitches having to be re-done twice because the internal stitches dissolved before my body could heal the tiny wound, they ended up giving me butterfly stitches to hold the hole together to stop it reopening again. I also got an infection where the wound was open for so long... Hence the idea of a cs which is much larger also terrifies me. That or stitches down there, which I'm certain I'll need as I'm already smaller persae. I just really don't know what to go for.
I appreciate that this is a difficult and unusual situation, and that some may think I'm out of my mind for trying, but I've always wanted my own children, and have to believe there is a way of me doing this without rendering me useless for months after giving birth?! And obviously now that I'm pregnant, all being well in my pregnancy, I at some point need to actually have this baby!
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.
Childbirth
Fear of giving birth, plus physical and psychological complications...
11 replies
misseskimo · 30/11/2014 23:47
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.