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(14 Posts)
Emma0811x Sun 31-Aug-14 15:20:58

Soooo 30 week milestone was reached yesterday and although I'm super excited to be having my little g, I've been unable to enjoy any of my pregnancy as I'm absolutely terrified about the birthing process... Even hearing about c - sections confused I hate feeling like this! I haven't had a decent nights sleep since finding out I'm pg... As the birth has always been on my mind! I feel so stupid sad

wingcommandergallic Sun 31-Aug-14 15:24:10

Have you talked to your midwife?

Just bear in mind that thousands of women give birth every year but you only really hear about the traumatic births. The good births just aren't as interesting!

I've not done hypnobirthing but maybe it would help you to approach the birth in a more positive frame of mind.

Can you identify what it is exactly that scares you so much?

Middleagedmotheroftwo Sun 31-Aug-14 15:24:31

Honestly - you hear a lot of scare stories, and stories about labour lasting for days etc, but I found it fairly easy. Not a complete walk in the park, but much easier than I was led to believe before hand.

Stop reading about it, and watching OBEM, and just rake it as it comes. You'll be fine.

squizita Sun 31-Aug-14 17:11:55

Do speak to your mw. You may well be able to get counselling or at the very least a good chat with someone who has seen a lot of people push, and leave hospital tired but healthy with a healthy baby!
As others have said, the Web and TV only show unrealistic/superb births (breathed out in a field of lavender) or scary stories in the minority of cases. Forums also attract people from these two extremes.

I found it interesting to compare my RD friends to online. It was quite reassuring. Most found it painful but manageable and were ok afterwards and they basically all coped in their own way. Some laughed and said "I demanded drugs!" others said they surprised themsrlves and did OK on gas and air. One had an unexpected c section but recovered quickly and clearly felt her medical team kept her/baby safe.
Weirdly hearing a "problem" scenario that was OK in the end has been most reassuring of all for me.
I am sure your mw will be able to help.

Blondiemama Mon 01-Sep-14 01:03:45

Echoing the other speak to your MW. I felt exactly like you (my DS is now 4 months old) and I was referred to the head midwife at the hospital who talked me through all my options and then wrote a birthing plan with me. I found this so reassuring that I was able to relax and enjoy the rest of the pregnancy. I first saw her at 34 weeks. I also found that because I had done my plan with the Head midwife, it had a lot of clout and I got everything that I wanted in labour! What is it that is scaring you?x

Scoobyblue Wed 03-Sep-14 10:41:30

I agree with the previous posters. I was very like you as I have always been very squeamish about blood, hate hospitals and am generally wimpy about pain.......but my best friend just said to me that it isn't as bad as you think it is going to be....and it wasn't. It definitely wasn't a pain-free experience but it was manageable and I felt safe throughout the whole labour and birth. Lots of women have more than one child - so they are opting to have a second labour and birth knowing what it going to be like.

Definitely talk to your midwife to get more information and maybe try some relaxation techniques to enable you to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

Doje Wed 03-Sep-14 12:36:46

Are you going to do an antenatal course? I can only speak for the NCT one but it made me much more relaxed as I realised the body is designed to give birth.

I had a c section in the end confused so not that useful, but definitely got me mentally prepared to give birth.

Redling Wed 03-Sep-14 13:54:40

I gave birth 2 weeks ago, started in the pool as was my really firm plan, then had to move to a room in MLU as wasn't progressing, bit of meptid and Gas and Air but then ended up having a spinal and ventouse in theatre as DS got stuck BUT I was eating Haribo happily in recovery 30 mins later, and now am totally healed from the very neat episiotomy and happy and can't even remember the pain. I only tell you this to show that a birth that on the face of it went 'wrong' and needed instrument intervention can still be an easy birth. I can't say I loved the last 45 mins but it's over and I have my beautiful boy. It was honestly easier being 2 days post birth then 2 days pre birth for me, but to read on forums you do a lot more of the unfortunate stories where people have had problems. Can you do any labour/birth courses that might help you learn more about the process and your options? Good luck and I'm sure you will be fine flowers

squizita Wed 03-Sep-14 14:11:34

Redling That is really reassuring. So glad that although it wasn't technically smooth it worked out well for you and DS. smile I think we do need more stories where people had a few more stitches or assistance but it was well managed and recovery as expected.
I don't think these stories end up on forums because they are neither highly traumatic nor 'in a field' inspiration for natural birth ... but actually they would probably be the most calming for someone who is feeling pessimistic.

Redling Thu 04-Sep-14 12:03:05

Thanks squizita. I managed fine in the MLU pain wise, it hurt like hell but I coped. Meptid did very little pain relief but was ok on Gas. What I found most scary at the end was thinking of all the people who say instrumental deliveries can ruin you forever and cause damage so I was sobbing at the nice lady doctor 'what will it do to me?!' And she was just like 'it'll get your baby out!'. The episiotomy was tiny and stitched very well. The ventouse took about 2 mins of pushing and sucking and I had no idea anything was going on down there. I was happy as larry back on the ward. The doctors who all rushed in when DS decided to get stuck and distressed were lovely to me, but there job is to get the baby out do yes they were ordering me around but I didn't care as I wanted him out too! I imagine people who were very set on incredibly natural births and being in control of the 'process' would find that very difficult. I was happy to throw myself into the hands of the medical profession in all aspects as it went on though so I have no worries about how it happened. Nothing about the birth and recovery was as bad as I expected.

squizita Thu 04-Sep-14 12:56:59

Redling thanks. Yeah my Dm vaginally birthed twins and instruments were used, she said similar - things can be damaged but usually heal normally. smile
I guess I'll just see how it goes. Best of both worlds: pool and music if baby plays ball, big modern hospital with ob gyn surgeons 24/7 if medical help is needed. Glad I live in a country not at one or other extreme!

SarahWH23 Mon 08-Sep-14 20:35:47

I would second what squizita said - just posted on another thread about this the other day basically saying i had a three day labour after induction ending in (very) emergent c-section and honestly it was actually fine! Even if it doesn't go the way you hope you may well end up looking back on it as a very positive experience - I certainly do. You forget the pain so quickly when you have your baby in your arms and I made a really good recovery. All the matters is that your baby gets out safely I think - you can put up with anything so long as you are holding a healthy baby at the end of it.

SarahWH23 Mon 08-Sep-14 20:36:15

Sorry - meant I would second what redling said!

Minesril Tue 09-Sep-14 10:23:42

8 weeks ago I had soaring blood pressure, so at 41 weeks I had an induction drip, spinal, and forceps ending in episiotomy, third degree tear and a litre of blood loss. My son arrived in the morning; I was out of bed late afternoon/early evening. I had 'a look' about two weeks later. My exact reaction was, 'huh. OK!' Not scary at all.

My advice would be to not plan anything, because nothing goes to plan. In my case, literally nothing went to plan. I was convinced I was going to have that nice water birth in the MLU. Nah! My BP alone ruled that out.

I look back on my birth plan and laugh hysterically.

The second bit of advice - make sure you are as physically fit as you can be. I did a lot of swimming and walking when I was pregnant, and I think it definitely helped recovery. Labour took a lot out of me. I couldn't believe how weak I was!

But, just remember that we are privileged to have one of the best healthcare systems in the world. There was an entire team around me in theatre! When I was in recovery I was drifting in and out of sleep; apparently (according to my husband) the MW on duty there hardly took her eyes off me!

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