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NCT classes as a single mum to be

(17 Posts)
slminnie78 Sun 06-Jul-14 00:18:57

I am 35 weeks pregnant and have my NCT classes over the next 2 weekends. I was blissfully happy to attend these with my husband but I've just found out this week he's been having an affair with a work colleague. I'm devastated - all the nice things we had planned doing together like the NCT classes, the birth and maternity leave have been shattered. Now I'm having to face these alone as a single mum. My family live abroad so can't attend the NCT classes nor the birth (they will visit after the baby arrives as they need to book flights to come to England). I don't have any friends available to attend the NCT classes next weekend. I'm petrified and ashamed to have to go solo. Has anyone attended an all-day NCT class by themselves ie without the support of their other half or friend?! Your comments would be highly appreciated.

PastaandCheese Sun 06-Jul-14 07:23:59

I'm so sorry you are having such a shit time. It's an appalling thing your husband has done.

I did NCT with my first and there was a single mum at my group. Different situation in so far as she had always known she would be single but I know she enjoyed the classes.

Our experience was that for the actual classes the Dads were involved but in the 3 years since then it has mainly been the mums meeting up. 3 of us still meet every week. I know that the single Mum found having a group of friends to get out and see straight after birth really helpful.

Please don't be ashamed. Why should you be? It never occurred to me that there wouldn't be single parents in my group. It's not the 1950's. Families come in all shapes and sizes.

Sleepysheepsleeping Sun 06-Jul-14 07:31:26

I went solo as my husband was working. If it's too much for you to announce what has happened to a room full of strangers perhaps tell them that? When you get to know them better and if you feel like you will be friends, you could tell them then. I found NCT classes to be hugely supportive and think after a couple when you are all facing fears about birth, if you have a group you bond with, you will be able to tell them and get support. Maybe you could tell the class teacher privately in advance and then she will understand if you get upset during the classes and hopefully be able to be supportive and sensitive to any issues that might arise for you (eg not automatically assuming dads will be at the birth). Have you been able to decide yet who will be with you at birth? Have you thought about a doula?

Annietheacrobat Sun 06-Jul-14 07:33:08

Really sorry to hear about your DH. What a stressful time for you.

Am sure it will be fine for you to attend your NCT classes alone. One of my group did as her husband worked away. I went to most of mine solo as DP found it all a bit intense.

I really hope you get a good group as the support of the other mum's will be invaluable at this time.

heavenstobetsy Sun 06-Jul-14 07:35:45

One of the girls in my group attended alone - her husband was working so couldn't attend - and I don't think it made any difference to how she fitted in or what she got out of the weekends.

As Pasta says, after the classes it was mainly the mums who spent time together and in my view it was that friendship group which was invaluable.

I am so sorry your husband has behaved like such a shit. Take care of yourself x

slminnie78 Sun 06-Jul-14 16:02:04

Hi all thank you for your kind words of support. It's truly a horrid situation to be faced with. I think I will use the 'at work' excuse and put on a brave face. Hopefully I'll meet some nice new friends. Thank you for the recommendation for a doula. Actually I'd never heard of them before and this is something I'd definitely consider. A small price to pay to have such invaluable support on the day. Xx

PastaandCheese Sun 06-Jul-14 17:01:31

That's a good idea OP. I really hope you get a nice group.

DinoSnores Sun 06-Jul-14 20:40:30

I've not been in your situation and it sounds incredibly hard, but I would wonder about mentioning the situation to your NCT leader so she can avoid putting her foot in it. If you want, you can tell the others in the class, but in the best sense, I don't imagine that anyone will care or think less of you because of it.

While I am not really in touch with any of the group now almost 4 years on, the email/text support over the first few months was absolutely invaluable. Every time you got up to do a night feed, you knew someone would have answered your email! I hope the support can be the same for you.

As for a doula, there might well be student doulas around who are able to come and support you at short notice (who will also be cheaper). Perhaps stick a note in your maternity notes so that when you are admitted, the midwives know why you don't have your husband there. I'm sure they will take particularly good care of you.

MissWimpyDimple Sun 06-Jul-14 20:42:20

I went on my own. There was actually another girl there alone who's partner was working.

I'm still in touch with my NCT pals

BikeRunSki Sun 06-Jul-14 20:46:58

There was a single mum in my class. She was pretty open that her pg was a result of a ONS. 5 years later she is married to a friend of one of the dads she met in the class, and expecting twins.

frames Sun 06-Jul-14 20:52:07

You should not feel ashamed, you have done nothing wrong, but you might find if everyone else's is in a couple that this upsets you.

KittyandTeal Sun 06-Jul-14 20:57:03

One if my friends attended on her own (we met on our nct course) as her DH wasn't very interested.

I went with my mum as my DH was working the Olympics.

I don't think it's that unusual. I wouldn't worry. It's a great chance to meet new people too

Diamondsareagirls Sun 13-Jul-14 20:38:06

If you are comfortable with saying you are going to be a single mum then I would go with that as there's quite a lot of content aimed at what your partner can do to support you in labour, after the birth, in the first few weeks and you don't want to be sitting there having to pretend or feeling like it doesn't apply to you.
Our NCT course leader was really good at adapting the course content to our individual circumstances (we were having twins) so if you let them know they can be prepared and not make you feel awkward.
Like others have said it is mainly the mums that keep in touch and mine have been the most amazing support network.

IamSlave Mon 14-Jul-14 21:55:23

just wanted to say now more than ever you need ot attend these classes they are not about the birth plans, the breathing - ( all of that will go out of the window anyway) they are literally about making friends!

check to see if there are other classes round you and see if you can get to them too, honestly NCT is simply meeting other pregnant mums network, after the classes you wil meet up with each other and no ones partners will be classes had no dh anyway....but having done it twice fist time without nct i was left at a very bad disadvantage..second time round i had so much fun meeting up with people....

do nct, baby massage, and stuff so you can meet people to get you htorugh early month

IamSlave Mon 14-Jul-14 21:56:58

Hopefully I'll meet some nice new friends

yes you probably will but just rememeber any meet after baby is born, people to email....what do i do...people who are going through what you are at that wonderful even if you find after a few months you dont click...

LJAR Sun 20-Jul-14 11:09:40

So sorry to hear your devastating story. My ex left in january, 2 days after I told him I was pregnant he left the country and i've not seen him since. I am due in 6wks and it has taken me all this time to get my head around the fact that I am doing this on my own and continue to be strong. I can't imagine how you must be feeling when you have had him there for some of your pregnancy and then he could do something so bloody awful. I did attend one of my ante-natal classes 2 weeks ago but there were so many people in the class, all couples and this really did upset me. I left half way through as I just wanted to go home. I have heard that midwifes will do one on one ante-natal but you do have to pay. Please inbox me if you feel you have no-one there, even just to chat. I feel pretty much the same, some days are better than others. Take care stay strong xx

CityDweller Sun 20-Jul-14 19:54:18

I didn't do NCT, but a friend of mine who's a single mum did. There was another single mum in her group and they've become really good friends (she's friends with the others in her group still too). So, you never know who you'll meet there and what their situation will be!

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