Has anyone had experiences of maternity nurses?

[dollymixture123]

Help please! Any advice gratefully received....

I am due to have my second child in October. My first child is now 20 months. She is very clingy and likes me to carry her around a lot and is very much a mummy's girl. It is likely I will have a c-section (if i go past due date) so we're a bit worried about how my daughter will react if she's not allowed to be carried everywhere by Mum (and i have tried stopping it now...easier said than done!) and there's a new baby in the house. Anyway, my father is having a transplant 2 weeks before the birth (chances not great) and so I will have no family support including the fact that I have noone to leave my daughter with should i go into labour, and potentially a grieving situation on my hands. My mother is offering very kindly to get me a maternity nurse to arrive 2 weeks before due date and stay til the babe is 4 weeks old but I can't really get my head around it all. (Not helped by the fact we're moving house on Friday and i have 6 weeks to gut it and get it ready so head full!) I'm not sure i want someone in our house 24 hours and my husband definitely doesn't. Maybe I should get someone in 9-5? Have any of you had any similar experiences....did you manage ok without? Was it ok if you had a maternity nurse? I'd really like to manage without but I'm also a bit worried about giving birth and not managing and ending up in a pile of tears or worse, getting angry with my daughter who will be desperately trying hard to adapt. Maybe my husband should just stay at home whilst i give birth? I'd love your help with this! Thank you thank you!

[BranchingOut]

Maternity nurses only look after the new baby.

Postnatal doula?

[OutragedFromLeeds]

A c-section, a newborn, a clingy toddler, a very ill (or worse) father, no family support in a new house?!

Honestly I'd take any help you cam get! Maternity nurses are not usually there 24 hours, they usually do the night hours 9pm-7am maybe to help you rest/get the baby into a routine.

It sounds like you need help during the day. I would try and find a childminder to start now so your DD can settle if you can afford it. Or a temporary nanny just for the 6 weeks.

[dollymixture123]

Thank you, Branchingout and outragedfromleeds! Yes, perhaps a maternity nurse is not the right person. Maybe a temp nanny or mothers help etc. ideally I would put her in nursery another couple of days a week (she only does one) but I can't drive to get her there!

A childminder would be great but we can't afford to start now. To be honest we can't afford much help at all (in fact zero!) but my mother is offering to pay for those few weeks. I'm not sure she realises the cost!

OFL when you say it like that it sounds crazy not to get a bit of help it's just hard finding someone you trust with your child...and who your child trusts. I don't want to hire someone and then find my daughter ignoring her and still trying to snuggle up to mummy. Perhaps I should just start meeting some people...

[mummy1973]

I wonder what your husband's plans are after the birth? Also do you have any friends who could have dd when you go into labour? You could also think about getting a mother's help for a few weeks to take the pressure off cooking etc. That person could drive your dd to nursery for an extra day or your husband could. Maybe a change in his hours for a few weeks after paternity leave could help?

[OutragedFromLeeds]

I think ideally you need your DD out of the house, otherwise it will be difficult for her to understand why you can't pick her up/look after her.

Could you up her nursery days and get help getting her there? Could DH go in late and drop her on his way? Could a neighbour help? Maybe get a mothers help who can drive?

Another alternative might be a temporary nanny share. Do you have any friends who have a nanny?

[dollymixture123]

All good questions, thank you.

My husband is a teacher so can't really change his hours. He also has a 1.5 hour commute each way so there's not much room for manoeuvre...that said, he will get two weeks paternity leave and if the baby comes at the right time, half term will merge in. So potential to have him round a bit. Again, it might feel strange if someone else in the equation. Argh...I go round in circles! As for friends, I have a few (not been here long) but they tend to work and have their children in childcare. So it's a little tricky. However, I think you might be right and getting dd out the house might be the best option so perhaps upping her days to three and then finding someone who can drive her there and back might work. There must be ppl who want extra money for that kind of thing?! Then perhaps I chance it on the other days?

As far as I can remember, I was ready to drive 4 weeks or so after my last c section. How long before you're ready to pick up a toddler? Anyone done that?

[OutragedFromLeeds]

If you can time your c-section around half term you could have DH at home the first three weeks. I'd try and cope before the birth and then use your mum's kind offer to fund 6 weeks of childcare when your DH goes back to work. That way you have the first 9 weeks covered and should be well recovered from the c-section.

[dollymixture123]

That's actually not a bad idea, OFL...although I will only have a c-section if overdue, what I could do is meet with some people locally who do babysitting/temp nannying etc and then only call on them once the baby is born as dh will be on paternity leave for 2 weeks whatever. Then they can help me when i'm on my own and he's gone back to work. The only thing that leaves in the meantime is the going into labour early part and who to leave dd with should that happen. Oh, and the fact that good nannies are usually booked miles in advance. I'm a bit of a believer in the stars though so maybe they'll line up??!

Thank for all taking the time to help. Really helping me to see my options!

[dolicapax]

If your mother is offering to pay for a maternity nurse I think you'd be foolish to pass up the chance of some proper qualified help.

I had a maternity nurse for the first three weeks, but to be honest I didn't use her at all in the day, just at night, so wasted my money, but that was because dd was my first, I had no other commitments so had the time and energy to look after her myself.

To clarify what a maternity nurse does, they work over a 24 hour shift, and you agree with them the hours that they will work, and when they will take their breaks. Mine slept with the baby in her room at night, bought her into me for bf-ing, and then took her afterwards and settled her back to sleep. This meant that I actually got a decent night's sleep every night, rather than spending hours pacing with a windy baby.

She also would have worked shifts in the day had I required her to.

It is an adjustment having someone in your house, but maternity nurses are professionals, and are sensitive to giving you and your family privacy. I couldn't fault mine, she was a pleasure to have around.

If you would like your maternity nurse to help with your older child rather than the baby some of the time, that is something to discuss with them at interview. Mine had just come from a placement where she had care of three small children, obviously not at the same time, but she basically picked up where the mother most needed her.

Call the agency and speak to the manager, who will forward you the CVs of those maternity nurses who would be happy to fulfil your brief.

[squizita]

My husband is a teacher so can't really change his hours If he works in the state sector he is entitled to time off for wife having baby and 2 weeks paid paternity? In fact most private schools and academies would also be fine with this IME.

[squizita]

...as in from when baby arrives. At my work I've never had a team member have to wait to start because baby was earlier than they said IYSWIM!