Ok this might take awhile as I'm pretty scarred from my first birth experience and looking for some reassurance as I'm expecting #2 in 23 weeks time.
My first labour spiralled completely out of control and was massively medicalised. My waters broke at 40 + 8 and I went in to labour ward who sent me home saying they hadn't. They had. So two days later I'm sure something's not right go in again and they say I have to be induced immediately due to the policy not leaving you more than 48 hours after waters broke. Already my perfect water birth is out the window. Everything starts alright I was already 3cm so put me on the drip. Then after 7 hours my lovely midwife leaves and another starts.
Started to turn up the drip to max as not a lot happening when my DD shifted position i can still feel that moment she moved back to back and clunked on to my pelvis. Obviously this hurt a lot I was begging for an epidural. The anethesist turns up and takes 5 goes!! Yes 5 to put it in. It wasn't in right it didn't feel right but I was in a lot of pain and not confident enough to speak up. So I kept asking to have it turned up the midwife was tutting at me, frowning not being encouraging at all, telling me it doesn't hurt you now get on with it.
This continued for another 12 hours me still in pain her belittling me. Got to 10cm tried pushing for 2 1/2 hours nothing had every man and his dog in to feel the position and have a good look. I was in such a bad position on my back for 20 hours I just had to move I couldn't stand it as I shifted on to my left my DD heartbeat dropped and the big red emergency button was pressed at which point the midwife yelled at me "you just couldn't help yourself could you look what you have done"
I was wheeled into theatre where they wanted to try with forcepts (not sure that is spelt right) that didn't work she was good and stuck so it was EMCS. As they started the incision I could feel the pain the cutting sensation I can't even describe how horrific that felt I was screaming and 5 seconds felt like forever. My epidural had only worked on one side ( later I found out they had wrote on my notes that I requested general anesthetic just a blatant lie) they knocked me out and that's the last I knew.
I woke up confused, scared, didn't know where I was. At least my nice midwife had come back the shift had changed. If your wondering where my DH was and why he wasn't defending me from the bitch midwife he was in another part of the hospital fighting for his life after he sustained a football injury which split his kidney in half and caused a blood clot! He is lucky to still be here I'm not exaggerating when I say as my DD was being born her father nearly died. This was 4 1/2 years ago and clearly I'm not over it. I have been offered an ELCS which I am taking I'm just so scared. I'm scared of the midwife I might have, if the epidural doesn't work again and how it will take to recover as I now have a four year old to deal with a swell as a newborn. I'm also scared to speak in RL to anyone as I think if I start I just won't stop and I don't really want to be face to face when talking about it. The after recovery was long and I was in pain, traumatised and couldn't breastfeed as my body just wasn't up to it.
Sorry this is so long I just need someone who had this to tell me there second experience was great. I so want this baby I just don't know how I can go through this again?
P.S it's quite obvious who I am if you know me in RL don't out me thanks
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Childbirth
HORRIFIC 1st birth now pregnant with No 2 need reassurance BEWARE if you only want to read positive stories
Missteacake · 03/06/2014 11:15
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