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Anyone given birth without a birth partner and how was it?

(17 Posts)
arabella2 Tue 16-Mar-04 21:41:20

I ask because I literally cannot stand my dh at the moment and he is the last person I want with me at such a vulnerable exposed moment. It would have been scary (well, scarier) without him last time but I'm wondering if anybody has any positive experience of this?
What it is to be 38 + 3 pregnant, hated by your husband and hugely hormonal... I'd really rather not be me or in my body at the moment.
Plus I've just been rude to my mother on the phone for reasons of personal baggage with her that she probably is not even aware of... Did you become more aggressive without realising it at the end of your pregancy anyone... tell me I am not really this horrible fat ugly nasty person that I seem to be at the moment.... (Though dh is all of these things and not pregnant!).

LucyJones Tue 16-Mar-04 21:44:28

Hi! Sorry to hear you're so blue. I'm 38 weeks pregnant too and alternate btw feeling really excited or completely terrified. I thought I would love being on maternity leave but I just feel bored, watch too much TV and eat too many biccies. Can't help with the birth partner issue tho...

coppertop Tue 16-Mar-04 22:10:05

I had ds2 without a birth partner. We couldn't get anyone else to look after ds1 until a later in the morning but ds2 didn't want to wait that long and was born about 5 minutes before dh arrived. To be honest I felt absolutely fine. The epidural was so effective that I didn't even feel the slightest twinge. I spent most of the labour drifting off to sleep.

Dh was disappointed to have missed the actual birth but was there for when ds2 was weighed and dressed.

smellymelly Tue 16-Mar-04 22:12:49

Yeah i gave birth to dd with 2 midwives and my fantastic doula.

I broke up with XP when I was 5 weeks pregnant, so I had time to work out what I was doing for the birth. I found a local 'doula' who was just brilliant. If you haven't heard of these it is someone who should be registered, and has had her own children , and can be on call for you 24hrs a day. I'm not sure if you have enough time to arrange this though.

I'm sorry you are sad at the mo, but I do not regret not having XP at either of the births, I would have hated him there too. I had Mum and sister at 1st birth (of DS)and regretted that too. My sister is a bit of a bitch! But that is another story....

I had 2 great midwives at birth of DD who were very important at making her birth one of the best experiences of my life...Do not be afraid of doing it by yourself, hopefully you will be able to have understanding midwives like I had.

Make sure you are not just hormonal, and that you really do not want him there, as it is a big decision, he could always wait outside like in the oldays, maybe!!!

eddm Tue 16-Mar-04 22:28:44

Arabella, you are not horrible, just a normal pregnant woman who is entitled to have everyone else being very very very nice to her. I fell out with my mum and one of my sisters around the time I had my ds – just couldn't cope with anyone even being mildly critical, had a real row with my sister because she said I was waddling! Which I'm sure I was but wasn't the right thing to say IYSWIM. But no help on the birth partner thing I'm afraid, as I had three (inadvertently - my other sister just came along for the ride and ended up having to stay because I wouldn't let her go. That'll teach her). Who's driving you to hospital? Have you got any friends nearby who would stay with you? Could you kind of start off with dh and then get rid of him if he's a pain? Even if you do chuck dh out, I get the impression from other mums that midwives travel in packs if you are on your own and devote special attention to you. Hope it all goes well.

spikeycat Thu 18-Mar-04 15:06:40

I have to say that I have had the same thoughts, esp. when he came home very pissed on friday, two days before my due date, I haven't moved so fast in months as I did when I swung for him with a can of deoderant!
Your not horrid fat ugly person, if you are then I am too and theres no way that can be true
I'm now 40+4 and cheesed off to the back teeth, but ho hum, hope you feel happier soon x

lenaw Thu 22-Apr-04 21:37:56

I didn't want my dh at the 'push' bit as I felt embarrased! Anyway I when I was there screaming in pain he was sitting in a comfy chair texting and listening to the radio so I just shouted 'get the f**k out of here you selfish b*****d' must admit felt much more relaxed after that. M/w said afterwards she nearly wet herself laughing and she was absolutely brilliant

squigglesmum Fri 23-Apr-04 21:30:38

My dh was there for most of the time (all through early labour) but for just over an hour in theatre before my section I "lost" him, and did just fine with a mw's hand to hold. The staff wanted him to stay outside while I got prepped, and then they took longer than expected trying to check on the baby. My biggest problem was worrying that he was OK outside the doors, but the mw kept popping out to keep him updated. I got him back for the baby being lifted out though. Not sure if that helps, but I reckon to be honest they're most useful in the early stages, and once you get down to business you don't really care who's around.

maisystar Fri 23-Apr-04 21:37:19

i gave birth without a partner as i didnt have one! had two fantastic midwifes and it was great, really relaxed.

cazzybabs Fri 23-Apr-04 21:39:35

IS it permant with your dh because even if you can't stand him might you and him both regret not being there. Also what if your child asks why daddy wasn't there?

But apart from those things I am sure you can do it without a partner. Just make sure you know what kind of birth you want and make sure your midwives know. Good luck and no you are not a bitch and I am sure not ugly and fat.

tammybear Fri 23-Apr-04 22:55:57

My de (damn ex lol) was with me and my dm (darling mum) at the birth of dd. I knew he wouldnt be able to handle it, and he didnt. He just walked out without saying anything. Charming huh? Lol. Good job my mum was there!!

tammybear Fri 23-Apr-04 22:58:34

oops posted that before i was finished. But even though my mum was there, I dont think it made much difference really, as she was holding one hand saying I was doing really well, a student midwife holding my other hand, and the midwife yelling at me saying i wasnt pushing hard enough. Theres only so far you can push isnt there? But the problem with not having de around, was I never got the chance to yell and scream at him for putting me through that pain. I was really looking forward to it too lol

littlemissbossy Fri 23-Apr-04 23:05:00

I had dh with me, although he wasn't great help if i'm honest ... disappeared to canteen to eat fish and chips whilst i was in last stages of labour!! he would kill me if he read this. Do you have a close friend who would be happy/honoured to be there - it is nice to have someone there for support and to share the experience , although a midwife, whoever you get, is soooo brilliant anyway!! the decision really is yours. And no you are not horrible, fat, ugly person!!! Hope everything goes ok

Earlybird Sat 24-Apr-04 02:39:13

I didn't have a birth partner either, but did ask my cousin to be there with me. Also hired a doula to help me through - which I would highly recommend. The support I got from those two was amazing, and in the end, felt fine about not having a partner there.

kiwicath Sat 24-Apr-04 08:57:36

My other half couldn't get a flight so missed my delivery. I had two very good friends with me the whole time. I couldn't have asked for better birth buddies. They kept the whole situation light and positive, they were the photographers, commentators, jokers, time keepers, handholders. Disappointed hubby couldn't make it but babe will pop out regardless of who's there. Sounds as though your dh isn't your favourite person at the moment. If he's not being supportive now, maybe he's not the one you need with you during your delivery, besides, there's no law saying he has to be there or not. Your bod, your moment, your decision. Hugs and all the best.

kiwicath Sat 24-Apr-04 09:00:51

... forgot to say that my friends and I still burst into tears when we relive the birth. They say it was THEE most precious thing they'd every seen and were honoured beyond words to be asked.

KPB Sat 24-Apr-04 09:24:47

I gave birth to my ds on my own. Until I was actually giving birth i had my dh and my mum with me. Once it got to the giving birth stage for strange reason at the last minute I just asked them both to leave. It had been a very long and tiring labour and I think I just didn't want any one near me at that stage. I do regret it now as my dh didn't get to see ds until he was 1 hour old With dd I felt really differently and my dh was me with the whole time and I am glad he was there for the support and the experience!!!
I can't say whether it was a positive thing or not. I do regret that dh didn't se my ds being born but at that time I really felt strongly that I wanted to do it on my own!!! Good luck with whatever you decide, it is a very personal decision!

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