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Man sleeping on ward

(675 Posts)
heylottie Wed 05-Mar-14 07:53:22

I am on a 4 bed maternity ward, a small ward with beds divided by curtains. 5 day old dd currently in SCBU getting help with low blood sugar.

Its been awful but I can't fault the care and kindness of the nursing staff who are great


Last night a woman was admitted at 11pm, I didn't see her as curtains drawn. I was aware that someone was sat in the chair next to my curtain, ie two foot from my bed. I got up at 2am and went to the loo.

Turns out her husband was asleep on the chair.

I don't know if I am coming or going at moment, but I don't think this is appropriate is it? Woman was asleep. I mentioned to staff and they said oh he's waiting for his baby to settle in the incubator. Whilst I appreciate that, could he not have waited in the family tv room down the corridor?

Or am I being over sensitive? I just think this is a vulnerable enough time without this.

heylottie Wed 05-Mar-14 08:04:36

I should say for the record that I am completely for partners staying if they are in a private room - my god I would have loved that. But in an open ward?! Not so much.

TobyLerone Wed 05-Mar-14 08:06:42

What are you worried about?

heylottie Wed 05-Mar-14 08:11:51

I am not worried about the bogey man, as such, I just think there is a time for privacy and perhaps, in the middle of the night, that could be it?

bruffin Wed 05-Mar-14 08:21:23

Its not appropriate. I spent 7 weeks in a maternity ward and i would have hated it.

sheeplikessleep Wed 05-Mar-14 08:26:02

I wouldn't have liked this one jot.
Congrats by the way. Ds1 had jaundice and we were in 9 days. I felt completely worried and overwhelmed, so in this situation, I would not have liked that. But I was moved to a 'scbu' room (just two beds for mums, without babies).

YoureAShoe Wed 05-Mar-14 08:28:41

I wouldn't have been bothered. Me and my friend had (unplanned) c-sections one after the other in hospital. Her wife was allowed to stay over night because she was a woman but my partner wasn't allowed because he's a man. I didn't feel that was fair, and neither did my friend.
Congratulations and I hope your LO is better soon smile

SavoyCabbage Wed 05-Mar-14 08:32:10

A similar thing happened to me. And they kept talking all the time when they were up in the night with their baby. It was bloody awful.

And it made me feel lonely too. Whereas when I was having dd1 I didn't give it a thought.

Lj8893 Wed 05-Mar-14 08:32:51

It would bother me, I think its completely inappropriate.

zoemaguire Wed 05-Mar-14 08:38:35

I think it is barbaric that husbands are sent home overnight. Not good for other women when it involves staying in a curtained cattle pen, but to be honest if a woman was admitted at 11pm in who knows what circumstances, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she needs her dh more than I need my privacy.

But then I'm coming from the perspective of someone 2 weeks post section. I was alone overnight unable to move, and the midwives took on average 45 mins to respond to the bell, so I had to hold dd all night because there was nobody to help pick her up or out her down. I had to wait an hour for a top up of painkillers, because they were 'too busy'. Nobody to help me go to the loo once catheter removed at 4am. Under such circumstances, i'd say 'good on you' to any woman able to smuggle a dh in to help!

beginnings Wed 05-Mar-14 08:39:56

It would've bothered me if they were talking but I'm not sure why it's inappropriate at night and not in the day! My DH was there for hours as were everyone else's partners as we all waited for the paeds to discharge the babies so we could bloody go home.

BillyAndBamBam Wed 05-Mar-14 08:43:45

The woman in the bed next to me had her husband there all the time. It only bothered me as they were talking all night long.

bruffin Wed 05-Mar-14 08:45:52

Lovely ZOemaguire hmm
I spent 7 weeks in the maternity ward, you seem to think i should have quite happily put up with not only sharing with 3 others but their husbands as well for all that time

Slippydippysoap Wed 05-Mar-14 08:46:03

I had a horrendous birth ending in a section under GA. They put my drip in wrong so my right arm was swollen and useless. My baby had head and shoulder injuries. If my DH had been sent home I have no idea how I would have done anything.

In an ideal world we wouldn't need men on the wards after birth but the world isn't ideal is it?

bruffin Wed 05-Mar-14 08:50:36

on top of the 7 weeks, i had 3 days of inducing, 24 hour labour and bled very badly, dh went home as he had been up for 24 hours (on the labour ward). I was finally in a private room by then but dh needed some rest and he didnt need it on the ward, it would have been very selfish of me to make him stay.

wellieboots Wed 05-Mar-14 08:56:44

I think this is inappropriate and wouldn't feel comfortable OP. Zoemaguire I am not sure what you mean about not being sure of circs if she was admitted at 11 - could it not just be that she had had her baby? They arrive at all times of day.

zoemaguire Wed 05-Mar-14 09:00:41

No need for that face bruffin. I've also spent more than my fair share of time on a labour ward. The worst thing was the total overworked inattentiveness of the staff, the women on their phones at 4am, and the loud TV at 1am. Women come onto the unit often utterly helpless and vulnerable, and in an ideal world the staff would be there to help. Since they are not, I personally am happy putting up with the odd partner there past visiting hours. It is hardly every husband every night, since most women don't need that. For all you know the couple might have a newborn critically ill in nicu. I don't see why that warrants a sarcastic 'oh lovely' response.

ThatBloodyWoman Wed 05-Mar-14 09:03:50

It'd be ideal if either those who objected to the men, or those who genuinely needed the men, were put in a side room.

My 2nd cs experience was similar to zoe's, but I still would prefer a man free zone overnight if at all possible.

For two days prior to the cs, I was stuck on the ward, wetting through everything with my waters, having great gushes when I stood up, and staggering around in great discomfort in a manky nightie.....

zoemaguire Wed 05-Mar-14 09:07:09

Wellie as you say women have babies at all times of day or night, some in very horrific circumstances. My ds arrived at 26weeks gestation, just before the end of visiting hours. I'd have given short thrift to anyone chucking dh out at that point, and luckily nobody tried! The midwives then were lovely and brought us toast and sympathy at a time when we didn't know if ds was even alive.

ThatBloodyWoman Wed 05-Mar-14 09:07:59

I can also see how sone women may appreciate a few hours downtime from the Clooney lookalike sitting in the cubicle next door when time comes that the post cs extra gas in your body needs expelling.....

expatinscotland Wed 05-Mar-14 09:10:34

Unless they are in a private room, it's inappropriate.

bruffin Wed 05-Mar-14 09:10:46

While i was in hospital a baby died, another woman ended up with kidney failure, lots of senarios but none of them ended up with a man staying on the ward. The mother of the stillborn baby asked me to bring my ds to see her once he was born, so i am cant be that bad a person.
But on MN i have come across women who want their dh because it is their "special time together" and one woman on my ward sneaked her brother in instead of her dp for the day instead of her dh. Her dh came to visit her a lot so it wasnt as though she was lacking in visitors.

zoemaguire Wed 05-Mar-14 09:11:30

To be clear, I don't think that anybody should have to suffer lack of privacy or dignity on a postnatal ward. But neither should extremely vulnerable women in traumatic situations be left without support. The situation is not acceptable, but it is the under resourced, understaffed system that is currently in place, something has to give.

zoemaguire Wed 05-Mar-14 09:14:10

When did anyone say you were a bad person bruffin?!

Are you seriously suggesting that it is ok for the dh to be sent home straight after a stillbirth?!?! I'm hoping I have misread that.

aprilanne Wed 05-Mar-14 09:14:58

when i had my youngest son in 1999 .my husband was allowed to push my baby in his little crib in to the ward from labour suite .he got made leave his shoes at door because they squeaked according to midwife .then gave me kiss at had to leave immediately as it was about only got visiting 2 hrs a day .i hr general visiting i hr daddy,s hr .yes that,s what they called it .

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