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1st Birth Horrendous, 2nd Child Wanted but Terrified - This is my story! NO1

(6 Posts)
BooPants2440 Fri 28-Feb-14 15:29:13

Hello,

My DS is currently 18 months old and I had a very traumatic birth with him which has left me and DH terrified. I want another DC but I am reluctant, DH would like another one too but said he cannot go through that again and risk loosing me. I must point out that I have a blood disorder called ITP which means by blood does not clot. Here's my story;

Started with mild labour pains on a Wednesday night, didn't sleep as they were very uncomfortable called hospital told to stay home the usual story, same again Thursday night although called my Mum to come over as DH desperate for sleep and I could still not lay down for long and felt better pacing and having a million baths. Early hours Friday morning my Mum suggested we call the hospital again as I was hanging onto the door by this point & contractions getting closer. I still wanted to stay home but DH & DM begged me to go in to hospital to get checked out.

Arrived at hospital early Friday morning midwife showed me to a bed in triage said she'd be back, half hour later returned hooked me up to a machine, left again, returned another half hour (the machine is spitting out a tree at this point) she reads the paper and say's 'oh my you are having some strong contractions, why didn't you come in sooner' - Are you kidding you told me to stay at home..... MW goes to get doctor who does a physical examination I am 6cm at this point. MW say's I am to go to the delivery suite so I started to get off of the bed and she say's no stay there I will be back she returns with a wheel chair (no I'm not kidding) and gas & air (best stuff ever).

I arrive at the delivery suite and introduced to the MW in there who say's she will be my MW, I ask if there's any other pain relief I can have (I already know I'm not allowed an Epidural due to my ITP), MW was lovely to be fair very friendly but said that she needs to have a doctor ok anything before she can administer it, and then she adds that I am doing fantastically and that she believes I should be able to cope without anything as I have made it this far without freaking out etc and also that baby won't be too long now hopefully. I was with this midwife for a few hours around mid afternoon she tells me that her shift is over and that my new MW will be here in a minute. This is when my trouble started.

New MW arrives with a trainee I am asked if this is ok, at this point I don't quite care who is there I am in agony still with my G&A. I had another examination by MW and doctor and I'm told I am 8CM and that everything is fine. The MW never spoke to me really she was busy watching TV with her feet up literally she had her feet up arms folded and never glanced my way at all the trainee was more help than this woman. A few more hours pass this way and I felt like I was drifting in and out of consciousness. The pain is unbearable so my DH demands they do something. I do manage to get an anaesthetist in who puts a drip into my wrist but it was put at the point were your wrist bends, there was blood everywhere it was just running down my arm they were asking me to sit up but I couldn't as the needles kept poking up through my skin every time I put my hands on the bed to shimmy back up the bed to a sitting position. Eventually my DH and the anaesthetist yanked me up and the bleeding was bandaged and controlled. I was given a special drug (cannot remember the name) it's used for ppl with conditions like myself. Now I really am in & out of consciousness but every time I came round and asked MW for help she still had her feet up and arms crossed she never moved. The trainee girl was fantastic she bathed me to keep me cool, held my hand told me everything was going to be ok re-assured my DH and my Mum, she was just fantastic.

Another doctor came in and said that there is a shortage on MW's and that my MW had to go assist in surgery for an emergency C/S. I was left with just the trainee.

The trainee struggled to take my BP so my husband did it she was with me for hours but she was very upset at the state I was in and was struggling to control her emotions my Mum had to comfort her. DH was fantastic he never left me really only to go and find doc's, MW's anyone that could help us really.

Saturday evening - I'm passed out by this time I slept / was unconscious for about four hours. My new MW arrives her name is Nicola (I'll never forget because if it wasn't for her I truly think I would have given up and died in that place), she was the most beautiful person to have as a MW. Nicola found a doctor straight away to examine me I was told that I needed an emergency C/Sec as I was still 8cm and I was not progressing.

By this point I had no G&A as it had run out and nobody had replaced it, Nicola replaced it and said that she would be with me throughout the whole procedure. Having my condition is scary when you have a nose bleed so imagine how terrified we all were when I was told I needed a C/Sec.

My DH was taken away to get changed etc ready for surgery, Nicola and a few others wheeled me into theatre.

The same anaesthetist was there he asked me to sit up as he needed to give me a spinal. I was having contractions and struggling to sit up as the pain was too much, my whole body was shaking and I still could not use my hands properly as the needles were bending underneath my skin every time I put weight on them. He yanked me upwards along with another man and asked me to sit still on the end of the bed I couldn't sit still or up straight as the pain was so intense. I was crying and sobbing at this point begging them to get my husband. Nicola then arrived in the middle of this and very firmly told them to be quiet and get off of me. She asked me to tell her when the contraction had finished which I did she put my arms around her neck and told me to lean forward into her and tell her if a contraction started again, they managed to get the needle in and administer the spinal (finally no more pain). I was laid down and asked if I could feel this that and the other which I couldn't. My DH arrived and stroked my hair all the way through.

I honestly didn't think I was going to make it - I told my DH to tell our baby how much I loved him just in case anything happened to me.

My son was born Layton Stephen Lee 1am Sunday morning I don't remember much, just my DH showing me him and cuddling him. I didn't move I didn't dare move. I remember feeling really cold and not being able to hear what ppl were saying I didn't even hear my son's first cry.

After surgery I was put in a room with DS, DH and Nicola (the MW) she sorted DS cleaned him, wrapped him up and put him to bed. She gave DH a pillow and a drink and told him to sleep. She then gave me a bed bath put me some very large knickers on, a clean top, brushed my hair and tied it away from my face. Put deodorant on me and held a cup whilst I had a drink. I then slept and slept and slept.

I was later told that I lost so much blood that I should have had a blood transfusion. It's not really the story you hope for so I can see why my DH say's no never again.

The after care bit was just as bad, I was left on a theatre trolly for over 24 hours as there were no beds. I finally got a bed and was wheeled onto the ward.

1st night on the ward - DS kept waking up and crying I still feel very weak and out of it. I kept having to buzz for a MW, the lady that came to my aid that night was not a MW I cannot really remember what her title was but she was by far more professional, helpful and was sincerely interested in caring for me and my DS. She poured me water and retrieved items from my bag as I was still laid up in bed. She kept coming back to check on DS, feed him, change him and cuddle him. After a couple of hours she asked me if it was ok to take DS away for a few hours so that I could get some proper rest - I have never been so grateful.

The next morning they took my catheter out and I was told I had to get myself out of bed and take myself to the toilet. I was really weak and struggled to even lift my legs the MW was not impressed and barked orders at me to start making a move. I started crying (again) and asked if she could help sit me up - she said that she couldn't as I needed to do it myself and that I would hurt her back (I'm a size 12 normally) ok not tiny but not huge either. I asked if I could wait for my husband she said ok. I didn't get out of bed a doctor came later on in the day after my DH complained so they wrote on my notes that due to my condition I should be allowed a further day to recover as I don't recover as quickly as most ppl and I lost a huge amount of blood, my catheter was put back in.

Continued....

isisisis Fri 28-Feb-14 18:38:39

Hi Boo, firstly I'm sorry you had such a rotten time. I had a cat 1 (life saving) EMCS, followed by a PPH & a variety of other complications so I kind of understand where you're coming from. It was very different from the hypno water birth I had planned. I think the reason I'm at peace with it is that I understand what was done & why. DH & I are both health care professionals which helped. My lovely GPs first words at my 6 wk check was let's talk about this birth then, giving me the opportunity to question anything I wasn't sure about. I really think a birth debrief would help you. You can contact the supervisor of midwives and ask for an appointment to go through your notes with them, get explanations for everything that happened and a plan for what could be different next time. Some of the things you've said are probably very routine for the staff & it's easy to forget that they're very new & scary for the person on the receiving end. I apologise for their lack of communication & to any patient I may of done the same to. For example, the drip you had put in your hand. Any labouring woman needing a drip has a large bore canular (needle). It's standard. It's because if things do go wrong, they go wrong fast & it's better to have a big tube going in than a tiny (useless in an emergency one). Particularly in view of your ITP, I'd want a bloody huge one so I could transfuse platelets in a heartbeat if needs be. The size limits the places available to place it, so yes, it can be awkward/uncomfortable. If that had been explained to you at the time I imagine it wouldn't of bothered you so much. There is no excuse for rudeness & you are perfectly entitled to request a different midwife if you are not happy with the one you have at any time.
Think about a debrief & think about what you would need to feel comftable with a 2nd labour, be it ELCS, doula present or full explanation of every single intervention. Best wishes, isis

BooPants2440 Fri 28-Feb-14 19:51:44

Thankyou so much Isis you have already answered some of the questions that have been on my mind all this time. I think your right I need to contact my mw and go through what happened. I didn't know that you could have a,debrief I'm going to look into that, chat to my husband about it he could do with going through it too. I sometimes think that my dh had it worse than I did as he had to watch it all. Your right though if most of them just explained what was happening we probably wouldn't have been so scared. Definitely need to get this sorted so we can enjoy the next pregnancy and not spend 9 months thinking of everything that could go wrong.

BooPants2440 Fri 28-Feb-14 19:52:19

Thankyou so much Isis you have already answered some of the questions that have been on my mind all this time. I think your right I need to contact my mw and go through what happened. I didn't know that you could have a,debrief I'm going to look into that, chat to my husband about it he could do with going through it too. I sometimes think that my dh had it worse than I did as he had to watch it all. Your right though if most of them just explained what was happening we probably wouldn't have been so scared. Definitely need to get this sorted so we can enjoy the next pregnancy and not spend 9 months thinking of everything that could go wrong.

isisisis Fri 28-Feb-14 21:37:22

There is also www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk. I've no personal experience of them but I know they've been recommended previously on here. If the debrief doesn't fully resolve things perhaps it would be worth a chat with your GP to see if they can refer you for some counseling?
One last thing, hindsight is a wonderful thing. You may find during your debrief that it throws up things that could of been done differently, I'm sure the best decisions that could be made at the time were, try not to dwell on the alternatives. No one had a crystal ball as to what would happen.
Finally, if you do decide to go ahead with a further pregnancy, can I recommend Maggie Howells pregnancy relaxation hypnotherapy CD. I know it's not for everyone but I found it very useful during a very difficult pregnancy & listening to it can't do any harm & may just help.

MyDarlingClementine Fri 28-Feb-14 23:24:22

Hello

I am sure its all been said but do contact Pals, no there is no cyrstal ball but it seems people were not aware of your condition at various stages, as well as your blood loss, the trauma after your horrid labour on top of everything else, un expected major surgery, being left with a trainee for hours....who had to be comforted. Being spoken to rudely, cather left to over run....barked at to get moving...

I am sorry to say this is one of the reasons I had to have an ELC second time round, you are not one in a million to fall through cracks.

Our maternity wards have been in crisis for years now, and are dangerous places to be.

Thank goodness for the Nicola MW. What an angel in such horrific circumstances.

I had to have an ELC for birth trauma, loss of control first time, and no faith in either of my local hospitals. It was a fab experience.

Have a look at this cot, this helped me enormously after my section and saved me sitting up, turning baby happy, easier to feed and so on...

www.mumsnet.com/reviews/nursery/cots-cribs-cotbeds/9963-arms-reach-universal-co-sleeper-bedside-

Do alert someone to what happened to you..even QCC. flowers

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