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3rd baby - why am I nervous about the birth?

(12 Posts)
Superarchie Tue 18-Feb-14 21:17:52

I'm 34 weeks and am surprised at how nervous I am about my upcoming birth.
My first was straightforward but medicalised, so second time round I went for a homebirth. The midwives who attended were pretty hopeless, and they managed to turn a very straightforward birth into a stressful drama by packing me off to hospital with the mistaken information that there was meconium and I was only 2cm. (There was no meconium, and baby was born within an hour of arrival, with awful hospital midwife in attendance and of course high level of monitoring as meconium was written in the notes).
Apparently 3rd births can be unpredictable - longer & more intense. The reading I have done says that this might just be down to lack of preparation, and the mistaken expectation that the baby will just fall out this time.
So I am trying to get back into 'the birth zone' - reading birth stories, doing natal hypnotherapy, but just don't feel I have the focus I had second time around.
I'm booked in to a home birth again, as I really want to get in that water (we've moved house and now have an amazing home birth team) and of course want to take the course of minimum intervention.
I have done this before (birth with no intervention or pain relief), and did a pretty good job bearing in mind I had no support from the professionals (totally lost it just before midwife realised I was 10cm, but that's allowed isn't it?). So why am I so nervous?
A friend of mine said that she felt the same about her second, but once it started her brain clicked in to gear and she was fine. Will that happen to me?
Sorry for long post - looking forward to hearing your experiences and advice.

thereisnoeleventeen Tue 18-Feb-14 21:39:34

No wonder you are nervous after last time tbh, like you say though it sounds like you did do a good job in difficult circumstances.

I'm doing it for a 4th time and I'm a bit nervous, I think you become aware of how quickly things can be taken out of your control.

I've booked a home birth, I decided to get in the mind set too... I've just read the book 'Guide to Child birth' by Ina May which is a good read if you are having a homebirth, that settled my mind about what the body is capable of, it's quite an empowering read as it gives you the confidence to say no to some of the procedures that you previously just assumed were necessary.

Also 'A Midwifes Story' by Penny Armstrong, a book written by a woman who went to be a midwife in the Amish community and had to manage with very little intervention or technical equipment...not an 'essential' read but really interesting and got me a bit more in the zone.

My HB MW is really relaxed, I've discussed a couple of points from previous births that I'm worried about happening again, she has put my mind at rest on a couple of points, it might be worth going over a few things with them?

frogslegs35 Wed 19-Feb-14 06:42:04

I felt like you with my 3rd but for no real reason. I'd had 2 easy births previously so could only put it down to - I knew what was coming x2 smile
It got worse at the end because the consultant and midwives were scaring me a little, making such a big deal about my baby's birth weight. I have whoppers and he was scanned at 36 weeks and they calculated his weight to be around 9lbs - so ignoring the fact that I gave birth to 2 previous big ones they started speaking about CS which I didn't want.
Anyway, I was induced at 40+5 as they didn't want him to grow any bigger and it was all over within 5 hours. All was fine and I'm glad I stood my ground.

You are already aware that sometimes you need to expect the unexpected but like the previous poster said - maybe speak to someone to go over what happened previously to put your mind at rest and answer any questions.
You will get back in the zone, you've done this before, have faith in your body and in your decisions.
Good luck X

TinyTwoTears Wed 19-Feb-14 06:57:13

Same, I got very worried about dc3's birth. DS was very medicalised and ended in emCS, dd was vbac with 3rd degree tear. I assumed I would be offered CS after that but it wasn't recommended so it sent me into a tailspin.
I had to work hard at getting into the right mindset for another vb, but I did an active birth course to remind myself about giving birth which really helped. And although I was classed as high risk and had constant monitoring I managed a great active birth in hospital with a couple of lovely midwives. I stood up for most of it and it took about 7 hours of active labour.

You sound like you are doing good preparation for it. My worry peaked at about the same time as you. I put it down to the birth being close enough to worry about it but fad enough away to regain my composure about it!

Also, I was worried as I had experience of Cs and vb so knew what could happen but didn't know what was going to happen the third time round IYSWIM. Once I got my head around accepting that I would be strong enough to deal with whatever senario did happen I calmed down.

You have got time to get your head into gear, you have a good plan, you know what wasn't ideal before and you did deal with it.

As frogs says, have faith in your body. smile

Fresh01 Wed 19-Feb-14 20:58:45

I think you worry more for subsequent births as you have had a couple of experiences and know a lot of people who have had children so heard an awful lot of birth stories, both good and bad. With my first I had no idea about the PPH and retained placenta I ended up with.

I have now had 4 but my best delivery was my third. Waters broke at home at midnight a week before my due date. Slow start to contractions as we went to hospital to get checked. They decided I was in active labour. Less than 4 hours later DS arrived with only gas and air and no stitches. Was home less than 12 hours later and felt great.

I have always used active birth skills in the book Birth Skills by Julia Sundin.

My only other tip is get a lot of early nights (with 2 kids you aren't going to rest during the day) in the last couple if weeks. I was tired going into labour with DC4 and it was a much physically harder labour.

MummyPig24 Sun 23-Feb-14 03:11:46

I'm worried too. 37 weeks with dc3. My last two births were straightforward, no problems and I coped.

But the other night my bump had dropped and I was having mild pains, really thought I was going into labour and I suddenly felt terrified and not ready at all.

Dh keeps saying "come on baby" but I'm not sure if I want it all over with or not! I'm scared of the pain even though I've dealt with it twice before. I'm scared of labour being very long even though my second birth was quick and my first wasn't very long either. I'm worried about how I will cope with 3 children, will the bigger ones feel pushed out and jealous?

juliec26 Tue 25-Feb-14 21:56:25

Same here 34 weeks and don't seem to be ae to get my head in the right place.. Dd ..didn't know what to expect long labour , back to back, epidural ended in ventouse after 47 hours .. Ds did hypno birthing and had reflexology throughout . Arrived at hospital 9cm.. After 2 hours of pushing went to theatre as baby was measuring 9lb at 37 weeks was born under spinal by ventouse at 39 weeks 8.4 .. Having monthly growth scans as this baby meant to be big .. Despite me doing hypno birthing cd every night .. I feel like I'm on verge of panic attacks .. Guessing as 2 assisted deliveries I will no doubt have a 3rd?? Was so positive with dc 2 and can't do it this time and it's scaring me sad

GuyMartinsSideburns Wed 26-Feb-14 09:44:31

Im due any day now with no 3 - by scans Im 40+4, by my dates Im 40+1. Fed up waiting now, worrying about what might happen, having the odd meltdown at bedtime cos Im feeling too scared to go to sleep. Its the not knowing isn't it, I hate it. I did allsorts to be prepared with my 1st, but to be honest when the time came they all counted for shit and with no 2 I had to go straight into hosp as soon as contractions started. This pregnancy has been fine, but to be honest Ive taken a step back and just told myself that I'll go with whatever happens. Booked for a homebirth so hopefully it'll be an 'easier' hmm time for me this time.

27mummmy2boys Wed 26-Feb-14 13:39:37

I have 2 children and I'm due my third in ten weeks. I had forceps in emergency room with my first and just gas and air with my second which the labour progressed so quickly no time for decent painkillers! I've been preparing myself that just cos my last one went smoothly doesn't mean this one will. I think everyone's experiences are so different that it's just down to luck what happens on the day really xx

Superarchie Wed 26-Feb-14 21:46:54

Thanks for the feedback ladies. I think that I am starting to feel a bit better about the birth now that I am crossing off those pre-baby 'to dos' from the list. But like you MummyPig I am getting worried about how I am actually going to cope with no 3, both in the short and long term.
I saw my midwife at the start of the week, and I think she really knows what she's doing, so I keep telling myself that if I managed (ingloriously) last time, then this time should be easier if I get support/ water/ gas and air, all of which I was denied last time.
Still feels like I'm madly busy trying to finish off house tasks (we moved a few months ago and there is still loads to do), and am just trusting my body not to go in to labour until it's all done and I've had a chance to have a rest!

thereisnoeleventeen Thu 27-Feb-14 07:26:53

I found this thread helped enormously when I was planning how I would cope with 3: here. In the event going from 2-3 was easier from going from 1 -2, he really did just slot in.

buffythebarbieslayer Mon 03-Mar-14 22:18:09

I'm 33 weeks with dc3 and quite panicky.

Dc1 was forceps and episiotomy. Dc2 was a waterbirth but 3rd degree tear. I haven't forgotten the agony.

They were also big babies and I'm having a growth scan this week as this one is looking big.

It's been a busy pregnancy and I haven't had time to mentally prepare yet

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