Can I request an induction due to lack of childcare?

[NancyJones]

Hi, basically I was wondering whether I could ask for an induction at 40wks so my husband can be with me when I give birth.
We already have 3 sons but have no family so nobody able to look after them during labour. I do not have any friends who could have them either except one who is willing to take the day off if she knows in advance. She is unable to do this at short notice. She has three children of her own so it's a lot to ask but she's my only hope for my husband to be there.

My older two are in school and my 2.5yr old in nursery two mornings a week but they are completely full so can't offer emergency cover. He has mild sn too so I can't suddenly introduce someone new such as an emergency nanny.

So my question is can I request an induction on a particular date such as due date so my friend can help out and husband can be there or will they not consider it and I need to do it alone. The MW suggested a doula but I don't want someone I don't know, I want my husband. Thanks.

[NancyJones]

Bumping

[OddBoots]

There is no reason at all that you'n't request it but I don't think there is any obligation on the part of the hospital to agree. If you ask though I would recommend a little earlier than your due date as there is a good chance you'll go into labour before that.

[CrispyFB]

Pretty sure they won't.. no harm in asking but be prepared for the expression of astonishment that not everybody has family living next door prepared to help

I feel you, I really do - as I have a very similar situation (no family anywhere close, or close friends and I hate asking for help) In the end I posted on the class's school FB wall and asked if anybody could assist in an emergency and amazingly at least ten people offered which I never expected given I hardly know them!

It's not ideal, but it does mean that hopefully (so long as DH isn't too far away) he won't miss anything.

[CrispyFB]

PS I also have 3 DC - I offered to spread them out over more than one family and left it open as to what form the care would take (their place/our place etc) which I think helped!

[TarkaTheOtter]

One of my inductions took 2 days, the other took 3. This was mostly due to needing to wait for a bed on the labour ward once I was dilated enough to have my waters broken (so after the pessary stage). It's certainly not a way to guarantee a particular day for the birth. Even elcs can be postponed if there are two many emcs that day.

[Queen0fFeckingEverything]

Its unlikely tbh. I know someone who has just had an induction for 'social reasons' (ie lack of childcare for her older children with SN) but her DH took time off work and stayed at home with the older DC while she went in and gave birth alone.

I know its a terrifying prospect and really crap for your DH but the fact is that there is someone who can look after your DC, its just that he cannot also be there at the birth. If you can afford and have time to arrange it, it I'd go for a doula.

[PenguinsEatSpinach]

If you have the money to think about a doula, have you thought about looking into paid childcare arrangements? I understand it is very tough - we were in this position with DC2.

Leaving aside the issue of whether it would be agreed, I'm not sure induction solves your problems. Induction can easily be a 2, 3 or more day process.

[Queen0fFeckingEverything]

And YY to the point that induction does not = baby that day! It can be a slow process and also because you would be doing it for social rather than medical reasons you would be bottom of the queue so would be likely to get bumped down the list if anyone with urgent medical needs came along.

[NancyJones]

Thank you both. I will ask but I'll prepare myself for a no. I think if I had a rough idea when then I could plan better but as the boys have ranged from 2weeks early to 1week late then I have no way of narrowing it down. Not sure if feel comfortable phoning a school mum up at 3am and asking if I could dump my children or even child on her. Also, with ds3 having sn, there really isn't anyone other than this friend that I would be comfortable leaving him with. He would def freak out with someone he doesn't know. It's making me very stressed.

[Gatorade]

You can ask but I'm not sure they would say yes, the other problem is that an induction can take significantly longer than one day and can lead to a more difficult labour as your body isn't completely ready (it would be terrible if you had complications as a result).

Would it be possible to hire a nanny for a month (2 weeks before due date and two weeks after) so your DC could get used to them? They would also be a great help with school runs and entertaining the toddler in the late stage of pregnancy and immediately afterwards? As part of the contract you could ask for the nanny to be 'on call' during evenings and weekends in case you go into labour?

[pumpkinsweetie]

You can ask but an induction cannot guarantee baby coming on that particular day.

I feel for you as I had a similar dilemma when pregnant with dd5, but things worked out well in the end and the situation sorted itself out.

Maybe your dh could have the dc and your friend be your birthing partner nearer the end of your birth?

[NancyJones]

Thank you, Penguins.
Looked into an emergency nanny but apart from the £800 all in cost, they weren't willing to look after a child with sn unless we had someone who could take him if he wouldn't settle which seemed ridiculous because if we had someone who could take him we wouldn't need them.

I have read that induction is likely to be much quicker in my circs due to it being my 4th baby bug maybe that study was flawed.

[Gemdar]

Would you consider a home birth? I know there is the risk you'd have to go into hospital alone but it could be an option if nothing else works out?

[insanityscatching]

I had no joy in getting them to agree to induce me when my waters had gone even though I explained I needed to get home asap to ds who has autism. Apparently 48 hours now is the policy in our hospital. Dh was at home but ds needed me. Instead they thought it best that I took Clary Sage baths and wait in hospital Got them to agree to let me out for a couple of hours and didn't go back until new MW the following day agreed to start the drip. Dd arrived six hours after drip started 48 hours after waters went.

[NancyJones]

Thanks again for replies. Maybe induction isn't the way to go but I don't see any other option. I was thinking that if it was taking a whole then DH could hold off giving boys to friend then join me at the end but again I don't know how practical this is.

[Sirzy]

TBH in your circumstances I would actually be trying to avoid induction as although you get the certainty on date you go in it will probably make the process longer meaning your have more childcare to juggle.

Would anyone from the nursery who therefore knows your son be able to help out outside of nursery hours? Or would a home birth be an option?

Hope you find a way around it!

[NancyJones]

Thank you. Home birth not an option as I have tested positive for gbs and had a nasty gbs infection which ds3 also got during last labour. He was very ill and needed pumped with antibiotics.

[Biscuitsneeded]

I ended up giving birth without DP because he was at home looking after DS1 and waiting for nursery to open! We had organised for his mum to travel to be with us the following week (nobody living anywhere nearby) but DS2 surprised us by coming early. I went off to hospital by taxi at 5 am, planning for DP to join me at 8am when nursery opened, but DS2 had popped out by 6.30am. Honestly, I felt so calm knowing that DS1 was fine, playing lego at home with Daddy. The midwives were very kind because I didn't have anyone with me. DP says he isn't at all sad about missing the actual birth ( he didn't miss having his hand wrenched off!) and I think if we'd had a third child I would have actively chosen to do it this way, safe in the knowledge that my existing children were happy and there were no time pressures for anyone to get back to relieve the baby sitter etc. Worth considering?

[NancyJones]

Thanks, biscuits! Glad it was a positive experience for you. That's not my preferred option but may be the only one available.

[CrispyFB]

As regards the whole 3am thing, when I asked the school mums (in bulk, so nobody had any pressure to agree) I made it clear that I might end up needing a 3am call, so could people please say if they were okay with that or not?

3 out the 10 specified they definitely would, the others didn't say one way or the other but some may well have been okay. Only one said they'd prefer not to.

I never thought anyone would offer at all, let alone for a middle of the night wake-up call, but I thought wrong!

[NancyJones]

Thank you, crispyFB! I shall ask some school mums which would work well for the older two. Not sure it will work for an sn toddler though. I'm sure one or two would be willing to have him but the big problem will be that he simply will not go to them and will start screaming with terror. But I'll certainly ask esp in relation to the older boys.

[PenguinsEatSpinach]

I'd also say it's worth asking whether there is anyone who would be able to come to your house in the night? I would find it difficult currently as I have young children myself and am pregnant (but even I would volunteer day help!). If you have older ones, a number of those mums probably don't have such young kids and might be able to come round to you and sleep in your spare room/on your sofa if you labour at night? It's certainly something I'd offer if I was in a position to do so.

[NancyJones]

Thank you, penguins! I will def ask. Good to know people would be willing to help. Older boys are 10&8 so yes, some of the mums with children in ds1's class, their 10yr old is their youngest so they may be in more of a position to help.

I wish the hospital would be willing to let us bring ds3 with us on the proviso that DH took him out if he became distressed. I'm likely to be quick and I don't need DH to coax me really but I'd like him to be there even if that meant sitting in the corner with ds3 on an iPad!

[PenguinsEatSpinach]

I presume that there isn't anywhere within the hospital that your DH could wait with DC3? I know he wouldn't be in the room with you, but at least in a nearby room? Just as a back-up, back-up plan?

I think people are more willing than you might think to help. It's not 'will I help out at 3am' it's 'will I help out a woman in labour at 3am' and that is a very different thing, especially I think for those who have been there.

[NancyJones]

We have asked and he is not allowed on the delivery suite at all. It's frustrating as the rooms are very big compared to other hospitals I've given birth in and and the low risk ones which I'd like to use if I went naturally have a sofa, ensuite and a little kitchenette area so plenty of room. We explained that if he got in the way or was in any way disturbed by the noise then DH would take him out immediately no question but they have still refused. It's frustrating because I know I could easily get the older 2 sorted and if they agreed for him to come with us as a trial with no promises it would be a huge weight off my shoulders and would mean that DH could at least be there. I just don't understand the policy when they'll allow 2 birth partners.