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3rd degree tear, episiostomy & forceps first time, and im so glad i braved another vaginal birth second time: a posiitive experience!

(38 Posts)
Ilovekittyelise Thu 13-Feb-14 11:13:42


have been reading and contributing to many of the awful induction/3rd degree tear/forceps/episiostomy/damaged perineum threads re my first birth in 2011 & just wanted to share (in brief....i need sleep!).

sept 2011: induced at 39+6. baby not ready at all, long syntocinon labour, ended in theatre delivery, big blood loss, episiostomy, 3rd degree tear, forceps, couldnt sit down comfortably and swollen for months after. perinneal damage (moderate prolapse), psychologically huge after effects, basically didnt want to have sex since. second child conceived by having sex by ovulation sticks and little pleasure with the thought in my mind that i will have elcs etc.

may 2014: pregnant.

sept 2014: saw wonderful consultant for first time who convinces me a vb wont necessarily ruin whats left of my bits and will support me going to term providing alls well with my health and baby.

during pregnancy: weirdly ibs better due to supplements and prolapse improved. built up trust in consultant and realise c section with toddler not ideal. mentally go where i didnt think possible.

10 feb 2014: induction date. having had sweeps knew i was v favourable and went in in early labour. was in established labour shortly after breaking waters and didnt need hormone drip. dilated fast and ended up having epidural. took pain away but could feel bum and bits and could move legs (was on feet 1.5 hours after giving birth). pushed my 9lb 4oz baby out unassisted, felt him being born & was delivered straight onto me (last time numb from neck down and couldnt hold him). weeping with joy at the beauty of it.

immediate aftermath: i did tear, 2nd degree, and sewed up by midwife. had a shower after! didnt even need paracetemol, did wees normally right away. discharged next day.

day 3 (today): the dreaded poo! painless. i feel wonderful.

sorry this is very graphic and barely mentions my beautiful second son matthew owen, but just really wanted to share the fact that after a dreadful and terrifying first birth, i had a wonderful, positive and beautiful experience which didnt cause further damage. ironically we dont want more children, and i feel slightly sad that i wont experience childbirth again. i also want my husband to make love to me, for the first time in 2.5 years (obviously going to wait!!!!).

i hope this brings some comfort and hope to other ladies that have had a difficult experience and are struggling with their choices for subsequent births.

Ilovekittyelise Thu 13-Feb-14 11:14:15

ps oopsthat wasnt brief!!!

zinher Thu 13-Feb-14 11:37:13

Congratulations on the birth of your new baby smile what a positive birth story. So happy for you.


PastaandCheese Thu 13-Feb-14 12:05:52

Congratulations ilovekittyelise. thanks

So pleased you had a good experience.

TheXxed Thu 13-Feb-14 12:11:06

Congratulations!!!! thanks

VivaLeBeaver Thu 13-Feb-14 13:37:23

Congratulations again, really pleased it went so well. x

Frizz1986 Thu 13-Feb-14 14:30:46

Congrats and really pleased it went well.

Although i have only just had my first (7 weeks ago) I already think towards the second (in a few years)
I didnt have a bad birth but did have a third degree tear and worry that i would have a third degree tear or worse next time. Reading your post its lovely to know that this might not happen so its worth considering a vaginal birth next time.

nearlyreadytopop Thu 13-Feb-14 15:28:51

congratulationsthanks thank you for sharing this. I had a horrendous first birth and would love to have a natural easy second one. Did you do any prep mentally to prepare yourself for the second one?

Chacha23 Thu 13-Feb-14 15:39:52

congrats! had forceps and 3c tear a few months ago, so good to hear a positive second birth story.

I do have a question for you - do they automatically send you to a consultant when you're pregnant after a 3rd-degree tear? and did you get any special care during the birth? although I do realize there's not much they can really do to avoid bad tearing...

HaroldLloyd Thu 13-Feb-14 15:42:25

The exact same thing happened with me after a horrific first birth, wasn't offered a c section due to clotting worries.

It's such a lovely feeling isn't it, enjoying the baby without the vagina of doom. Congratulations thanks

Sillybillybob Thu 13-Feb-14 15:49:13

Loads of congratulations - I also had a horrendous birth first time round, and second time went like a dream. I'm so pleased for you x

Extremewife Thu 13-Feb-14 16:12:51

grin well done you. I had a similar story to you first DS induced forceps tearing bad stich up etc and 2nd a lovely VB with a bit of a tear so I completely get what you mean about trying and it being better with the second and big congratulations wink

Extremewife Thu 13-Feb-14 16:15:03

chacha I never saw a consultant had 3rd degree and was 40 second time around didn't see a doctor actually (oh except when I broke my arm at 36 weeks don't ask!)

Chacha23 Thu 13-Feb-14 16:21:05

thanks Extremewife... well that's a little worrying, how can they tell about the risks of VB if they don't check how extensive the damage was? I'm told that that internal damage can easily be asymptomatic :-/

Ilovekittyelise Thu 13-Feb-14 18:48:07

harold am loving vagina of doom, very well put!!!

i was under consultant care due to another medical condition so not really sure how it works if you dont have another reason to be. to be honest though, i think its something your midwife will deal with (consultant never looked or anything!) and im sure would refer you if you felt you need to discuss options for delivery. all consultant really said was that once you have had bad tear before, you are more likely to have another than someone that never has, but its not that likely still.

in my case we really just talked about strategies to avoid if possible for example taking a cautious approach and reverting to c section if forceps looked likely. i didnt do anytjing to prepare as such other than the practical side. mentally it was about deciding to trust everyone that cared for me antenatally and in labour, which was hard. there would have just been midwife in room but due to my bp dropping there endedup being a few docs but nothing specific re the previous injury. i did have an account of my experience attached to birth plan tho and everyone was very kind and positive and wanted to help make it nice.

Extremewife Thu 13-Feb-14 21:04:49

I don't know Chacha - I did have to have surgery between babies as the stitching made everything so painful

I think I was naive had no idea how horrendous my first birth was until the second was over if that makes sense ! I was so happy to have a child I just decided to forget the birth (was exhausted after 3 days only remember excerpts as it is) the detail my DH reminds me of is as I signed the concent form for the forceps / possible csection I stabbed the paper through with the pen.

I still wonder if I should get a copy of my notes - DH just debriefed me with a small detail regarding pooh I was unaware of (DS was 7 on Sunday)

EeyoreIsh Thu 13-Feb-14 21:09:08

Thanks for sharing. I'm recovering from a traumatic delivery with forceps and ventouse and a third degree tear. The thought of doing it again is scary, especially as I don't yet know what the damage might be.

It's really helpful to hear a positive story, thank you.

threeblueducks Thu 13-Feb-14 21:32:38

Thankyou thankyou thankyou for this. My ds was born in exactly the same way you described your first and the thought of having another birth like it makes my blood run cold. I am so glad you had a positive experience and that it is possible after such a horrendous time.
Congratulations on the birth of your son smile

Bridezilla3521 Thu 13-Feb-14 22:06:00

Thankyou for thissmile And congratulations on the birth of your son!!

Out of interest, do you think the epidural made a difference in terms of almost forgetting how hard you were pushing? IYSWIM? I had 3rd degree tear and have had problems ever since with my back passage (sorry if TMI) to the point I can't even push on the toilet!! Its horrendously painful. The thought of giving birth again completely terrifies me to the point I can only imagine having ELCS. But just thought if the epidural eliminates that pushing feeling then it may be a possibility.

Ilovekittyelise Thu 13-Feb-14 22:15:03

bridezilla interesting one re epidural - the epi i had with the awful birth completely numbed me (until it suddenly wore off ouch) and i pushed when told. i remember thinking i was pushing TOO hard like i was going to explode.

this time i had an epi but it was a different hospital with a different protocol (self top up) and with a different effect: i didnt feel the tummy pain, but felt the baring down in my vagina and bum, and the contractions in my bum (so felt them but not pain as such) and also had feeling in legs, hard to explain but yes, somehow i think that had a baring too. was weird actually; this time i had feeling without really pain, which was ideal!

Ilovekittyelise Thu 13-Feb-14 22:16:24

ps i felt exactly the same. i got pregnant this time with 100% intention of elcs.

spritesoright Fri 14-Feb-14 11:52:58

That's lovely Elise, congratulations you must be elated.
I gave birth yesterday to my second DD and had a very similar experience. First time round early membrane break, syntocin, epidural, forceps, episiotomy over 48 hours. It was awful and I was really upset about it afterwards and questioning what went wrong and was it my fault.
Second time around I went from 2cm dilated to birth in under 4 hours and DD2 was born in a pool
With G&A.
It was such a totally different experience. Still really painful obviously but 100 times better than first experience. I still tore 2nd degree along old epi line but it doesn't hurt nearly as much as episiotomy stitches and I can actually sit down and walk this time without major whincing.
I am so relieved and can totally understand where you're coming from (except there is no part of me that wants to go through labour again) grin

LavenderFox Sat 15-Feb-14 07:39:16

Pleased to hear such a positive story, congratulations!

mrsm22 Tue 18-Feb-14 20:38:34

Hi Ilovekitty - I don't know if you'll remember me but I posted a thread about my first birth experience (also in 2011) which was exactly like your first- very long , lots of blood loss, forceps and 3rd degree year and very frightening. I'm nearly 24 weeks pregnant with my second baby and I remember you commenting on my post sand you were extremely kind saying that I could pm you to find out his your second birth went. I just wanted to say congratulations on the birth of your son and on a much better birth experience. I am due in June and am slightly worried about the 3rd degree year I had first time but the midwife hasn't said much so I'm hopefully going to risk another natural birth. I only hope my experience will be as good as yours. Thanks for sharing, a great comfort to read something like this x

Ilovekittyelise Tue 18-Feb-14 22:20:32

hi mrsm i do remember and sorry i didnt pm you the details. i really hope you have a better experience this time too. looking at it objectively i think the biggest thing is having trust in who is looking after you, as well as some kind of agreed plan, so that however it goes, there are agreed steps that mean you feel more in control and aware of whats happening to you; i feel extremely fortunate to have had a good experience this time but equally, i do think that if it had all gone pete tong (which it nearly did at one point!!!) & the scary man wielding forceps appeared, i would have felt less upset as i would have given informed consent every step of the way. xxx

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