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Do fathers have a legal right to be at the birth?

(86 Posts)
Mummy2014 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:14:45

Just above really.

My ex left me at 7 months, but still wants to be involved with the baby. My due date is Wednesday & I have always said his actions between him leaving & when I go into labour would determine whether he was at the birth or not. Well, he's been very hot & cold with me, supportive 1 minute, ignoring my messages the next.
At present I don't feel like I want him at the birth, but when I said this to him he said I have no right to not allow him, and by doing that I am refusing to let him see his child. Which I am not!
My feelings after the birth do not matter, it's what's best for our child & I have always wanted them to have contact & a stong relationship!

He has been threatening to take me to court etc if he is not allowed at the birth, Would / could this go against me if it gets that far?

Sorry for the rant / long winded message


JugglingIntoANewYear Sun 05-Jan-14 22:40:28

Yes, I wouldn't recommend having him there, and it's absolutely your choice.
I think however well you got on with an ex you generally wouldn't want them at the birth?
Possibly, depending on good behaviour, let them know of safe arrival soon afterwards and they can come for a quick visit at a more appropriate time.
Best of luck to you for the birth?
Anyone you would like/find helpful to support you ?

Mummy2014 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:40:59

Thank you Talkative, I shall be using some of your post to email to him & hope he at least understands things from my point of view xx

fedup21 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:41:30

Also-what if you ended up upset and unable to speak for yourself, leaving him to make important decisions for you and the baby. Or if he got to hold the baby before you sad

JugglingIntoANewYear Sun 05-Jan-14 22:41:55

Sorry, stray ? - have some thanks instead smile

fedup21 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:42:07

I wouldn't even have a conversation about it. Don't tell him when you're in labour.

Mummy2014 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:44:05

The other part of me is considering not telling him when I go into labour, by all means visit as soon as baby is born but don't tell him. Silly me though, feels bad for him not knowing :-/ I'm being too nice & easy on him!!

SinisterSal Sun 05-Jan-14 22:45:18

I'm gobsmacked at the cheek of the fucker!

PinkandGreenStripes Sun 05-Jan-14 22:45:39

Don't email him. Don't engage. He will bully you. He won't see things in your view. If he did, you wouldn't need this thread.

If you feel like it, text him AFTER you have had your baby.

Good luck. thanks

Mummy2014 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:46:05

I know sinister, I know!!! This isn't even the half of it lol!! X

ilovesmurfs Sun 05-Jan-14 22:47:57

Absolutly no right to be at the birth.

My friedns ex tried to pull this, he lefther when she was three months pregnant, we didnt even tell him when she wemt into labour, I was her birth partner.

After the birth I called to let him know baby had arrived, sex, weight and name etc and told him she would be in touch when she was ready for visitors.

Hospital knew not to let him onto the ward if he tried to visit.

JugglingIntoANewYear Sun 05-Jan-14 22:48:09

I think that's a great idea Mummy2014 - just call him sometime afterwards.
And don't feel bad about it at all, you've enough to think about without worrying about him x

starlight1234 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:49:05

Been in labour is about you and safe arrival...I would talk to midwives, and not tell him a thing up until Lo's arrival...It will be far less stressful for will have enough to think about...

My ExH ( who wasn't Ex at time) was at birth and couldn't figure out it wasn't about him ..It didn't help anything me having to calm him down..

I also advise about telling anyone who is likely to tell him..

good luck for the birth...

lunar1 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:49:55

Do not let this man bully you, he has no right to be at the birth.

TheDoctrineOf2014 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:51:09

You are the patient.

He is a total cock.

JabberJabberJay Sun 05-Jan-14 22:52:44

Don't feel bad for him. This is about you not him.

If you must talk about it again, firmly tell him he will not be at the birth.

Though actually, I would refuse to discuss it any further and absolutely not tell him when you're in labour. He can visit after the baby is born and when you are ready.

He has no rights at all here. This has nothing to do with access arrangements for your baby. There is no way in hell this would get to court. He's showing a ludicrous ignorance of how the law works.

I'd think very carefully about naming this man on the birth certificate.

Longdistance Sun 05-Jan-14 22:53:36

Write on your birth plan that you do not want him there present at the birth.

Also, don't contact him, if and when you're in labour, and then only tell him after the event.

IdaClair Sun 05-Jan-14 22:54:47

I wish had locked my front door in labour so I could only let the people I wanted in but you live and learn. None has a right to be in your house without your permission and I am sure there are similar systems in hospital although much more public there. It's your choice not his.

basgetti Sun 05-Jan-14 22:57:03

Do not tell him when you are in labour. The fact that he is willing to put you under this stress so close to your due date and is making it all about his 'rights' tells you that this is not the person to support you when you are giving birth. Good luck x

TheDoctrineOf2014 Sun 05-Jan-14 23:00:24

If you aren't married, you can't name him on the birth very without him being at the registrar's too. But not naming him doesn't mean he won't get parental responsibility, just means he has to apply for it.

Will he be paying child support? Have you been in touch with the CSA?

Shellywelly1973 Sun 05-Jan-14 23:58:30

Does your ex have any idea of what a labour and delivery are like?

The labour & birth are all about you!

Once the baby arrives, it's about the baby. Organise support for yourself & take care.

hazchem Mon 06-Jan-14 05:13:16

No he has no right to be at the birth. Nobody has this right.

I'd put a clear indication on your birht notes that he is not to be admitted. EG " DO not allow Mr Blah Blah to enter the delivery room. Do not ask me during labour if he is allowed to enter"

But the simplest way would to not tell him you are in labour. I wouldn't announce the start of labour in anyway either so no facebook ect. Birthing requires focus, support and trust. Having some abusive dick hanging around will make it harder.

fedup21 Mon 06-Jan-14 07:08:50

Does he work or live over the road? Unless he does and sees you rushed to hospital, how would he know you were in labour unless you told him?

mayhew Mon 06-Jan-14 08:21:33

As midwives, we are well aware of scenarios where certain people are excluded from visiting. There is no reason to allow a person onto the ward unless it is at the specific request of the mother. No one has a "right" to visit!

Sometimes there are threats and injunctions involved and we have to protect other patients and staff as well as the woman and her baby.

At my unit, the senior midwife on labour ward can make sure that a woman's admission is on a need-to-know basis only ie does not appear on general lists etc.

The woman is asked to clearly identify who is allowed in and security only allows those people in. She is asked to tell her visitors to be discreet. No texting news, no face book.When they present, a call is made to the ward to double check before they are allowed in.

Mummy2014 Mon 06-Jan-14 08:47:21

Thank you all for your advice.

We had discussed his payment arrangements, but I doubt he will stick to them so going to go straight to CSA & get something in place.

I'm lucky that my family are so supportive & only round the corner, and are wiling to help & be on call should I need them. This is meant to be the happiest time of my life & he is ruining it for me sad xx

captainmummy Mon 06-Jan-14 08:56:26

He thinks he has the 'right' to 'access' to your child before during and after birth? Hahahaha grin - let him go to court!

If you are due wednesday (that's my birthday too!!!!) I doubt very much he'd get anything in place in time - even if he could find a court in the land/universe willing to do such a thing! grin

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