Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

1 2 3 4

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Childbirth

Do fathers have a legal right to be at the birth?

85 replies

Mummy2014 · 05/01/2014 22:14

Just above really.

My ex left me at 7 months, but still wants to be involved with the baby. My due date is Wednesday & I have always said his actions between him leaving & when I go into labour would determine whether he was at the birth or not. Well, he's been very hot & cold with me, supportive 1 minute, ignoring my messages the next.
At present I don't feel like I want him at the birth, but when I said this to him he said I have no right to not allow him, and by doing that I am refusing to let him see his child. Which I am not!
My feelings after the birth do not matter, it's what's best for our child & I have always wanted them to have contact & a stong relationship!

He has been threatening to take me to court etc if he is not allowed at the birth, Would / could this go against me if it gets that far?

Sorry for the rant / long winded message

Xx

OP posts:

Report

Flambards · 05/01/2014 22:17

He has absolutely categorically no right whatsoever to be at the birth. End of.

AnyaKnowIt · 05/01/2014 22:17

In a word no he has no right to be at the birth.

PinkandGreenStripes · 05/01/2014 22:17

He has no right to be at the birth. YOU choose the person who can offer the best support.

NotAnotherPackedLunchBox · 05/01/2014 22:18

No right at all.
Childbirth isn't a spectator sport. The only people that should be there are those that will be supportive to the labouring woman.

stargirl1701 · 05/01/2014 22:19

No.

Rufustherednosedreindeer · 05/01/2014 22:19

Agree with all the others

He has no right to be at the birth

Kendodd · 05/01/2014 22:19

Tell him you'll "see him in court then" or "fuck off" both work for me.

17leftfeet · 05/01/2014 22:19

He has no right whatsoever and the hospital will 'police' this for you so he can't see you

AuntieStella · 05/01/2014 22:19

No. You cannot be compelled to have anyone at your delivery.

Hospital wards are usually extremly good at preventing access by anyone the labouring mother has no explicitly approved.

HaroldTheGoat · 05/01/2014 22:20

No right at all.

It's your decision, your not stopping him having a relationship with your child if you say no.

Take someone who will support you.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 05/01/2014 22:21

He has no right to be there and the midwives won't let him in if you tell them not to.

Kittensmctavish · 05/01/2014 22:21

Depending on the circs you may want to think very carefully about whether he is named on the birth certificate too. If he is then he will get parental responsibility and have the same rights as you to make decisions about the child in the future. Please take advice on this if you haven't already as it can have far reaching consequences.

All the best.

Casmama · 05/01/2014 22:23

Absolutely not. Do not let him bully you.
Possibly worth telling your midwife when you get to hospital that you don't want him allowed entry if there is any chance he could find out you are in labour.

Casmama · 05/01/2014 22:24

Sorry multiple xposts.

petalsandstars · 05/01/2014 22:24

Agree with pp - birth partner ia there to support you. Not a spectator sport.

PinkandGreenStripes · 05/01/2014 22:26

I agree. Think carefully about the birth certificate. He sounds like one of those twunts that will demand his "rights" as a father by making you miserable.

FetchezLaVache · 05/01/2014 22:26

I saw a thread on this very subject a few years ago, in which some fabulous MNer gave some wonderful advice which I now repeat, more or less verbatim:

"If you don't want him there, tell the midwives, who will muscle him to the far side of fuck if he tries to force his way in".

Good luck- I hope all goes well.

Skrifa · 05/01/2014 22:27

No right whatsoever.

Mummy2014 · 05/01/2014 22:29

Thank you all, that is what I had thought but the stupid arse has it in his head that it's his right & I'm in the wrong for not allowing it.
Kendodd - hahaha, the latter works for me, but unfortunately I have tried to remain calm & dignified & refuse to let him see / know he is winding me up.

Xx

OP posts:

ChasedByBees · 05/01/2014 22:29

Not allowing him at the birth will have no bearing on any future court actions about your DC. Why would any woman want the man who has left her while she's heavily pregnant there at such a private vulnerable time? Don't let him in. He could suppress the positive hormones you need for labour. It could actually cause delays in the labour.

fedup21 · 05/01/2014 22:31

God-he sounds like the last person you'd want at the birth; what an arse! Don't tell him when you've gone into labour!

fedup21 · 05/01/2014 22:32

I'd tell him that as well-why would I want someone who left me to be at the birth when I am feeling vulnerable?! You want to remember this as a happy time!!

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Mummy2014 · 05/01/2014 22:36

I have said that to him, I will be at my most vulnerable & I need to be supported, I don't think he can do that - his reply (wait for it!!!)
We put our differences aside for the birth, get that out the way, then afterwards we hardly have to see each other :-O
What a c**t!!!
Xx

OP posts:

TalkativeJim · 05/01/2014 22:37

No right whatsoever, and more to the point - it sounds as if he's the last person in the world you should choose to be there.

This IS about you. It is absolutely not a good idea to have ANYONE you do not feel 100% comfortable with, and supported by, in the room when you are labouring. Feeling stressed and unhappy is NOT conducive to labour progressing quickly and safely. Yes, it DOES make a difference- sometimes a massive one.

How would you feel if you consented to him being there and ended up with a stalled labour and a CS after not being physically able to relax and 'go with' your labour because he was there ?

It's SO personal. Nobody should EVER be at a labour to 'watch'. The thought is obscene.

Tell him that you would never risk the safe delivery of your child by placing its labouring mother in a stressful environment which may well prevent labour progressing as it should.

And don't put bully-boy on the birth cert.

JugglingIntoANewYear · 05/01/2014 22:40

Yes, I wouldn't recommend having him there, and it's absolutely your choice.
I think however well you got on with an ex you generally wouldn't want them at the birth?
Possibly, depending on good behaviour, let them know of safe arrival soon afterwards and they can come for a quick visit at a more appropriate time.
Best of luck to you for the birth?
Anyone you would like/find helpful to support you ?

Flip

1 2 3 4

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.