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3 months post-partum and feeling really down about recovery - anyone else?

(24 Posts)
MissyTJ Sat 28-Dec-13 21:48:43

Hi all, sorry for the long title (and post), just hoping to attract the attention of anyone in the same boat, or anyone who has been there done that and can reassure me. Any similar stories (with happy endings?) would be great right now!

I had quite a fast delivery in September, first baby, waters broke 2 weeks early and went into early labour a few hours later, I was in the latent phase for about 9/10 hours, then less than 3 hours from 4cms through to birth - I pushed about 5 times and she was out. However, I pushed hard as I wanted it to be over, and I tore, about a 2nd degree perineal tear. They didn't stitch it and a few days later I had my first BM (aren't they fun ladies!) and started bleeding heavily again and felt a real 'heaviness' down there. Started reading online and literally went into a blind panic about having a prolapse, my DH rang NHS who got me an appointment the next day. Doc said I'd re-opened my tear and had some vaginal prolapse but 4 days pp every woman has that and 'give it time'. So then I went through a few weeks of hell with mastitis, bleeding, broken nipples, a baby not gaining weight, rectal bleeding which terrified me (went to hospital, they could find no cause of it) and also we moved house which was hard work. I'm sure people have much worse times, but we have no maternal support (my mum has deserted me and his mum is 'punishing' us (long story)) so also being antagonised by family and left totally alone. So rather blue. Then about 4/5 weeks pp I 'had a look' down there as I still felt 'heavy' and froze in terror when I saw some pale pink flesh blocking my 'hole' when I stood over the mirror. I just knew I had a prolapse.

Went to a lovely female doc who confirmed I had a 'mild' cystocele, "very common, it will go away in time, yadder yadder yadder, just do pelvic floor exercises". But, I couldn't even feel my pelvic floor let alone contract it. I was in so much pain, my external 'bits' felt achey and stung to high heaven if I moved, I could barely walk 100 yards without needing to hold myself 'together' or sit down. I was on painkillers for weeks on end. And I was trying to contract my PF frantically so I found myself 'squeezing' all day long, to the point my shoulders were hunched, my teeth were clenched...I ached all over. Meanwhile I was reading online about cystocele and slipping into what I now feel was a dangerously depressed state. Websites like Whole Woman which basically say pelvic floor exercise does nothing, you need to adopt a whole new lifestyle and stance to 'manage' the prolapse and prevent basically all your organs eventually falling out. One night in particular I remember just looking at my screaming baby and thinking 'you've ruined my life'. I know that sounds AWFUL, and I absolutely love my baby I would die for her, but I was so tired, and so depressed, I couldn't sit or walk or stand, and was just thinking, I will never run, make love or dance again. I'm 29. What life is that?

So I rang the doc again and asked to see a physio, this time a male doc who was very patronising and actually quite rude, but my crying got my physio appointment. The physio said she could feel me contracting my muscles (just about) and to just keep at it and that about 50% of women have a cystocele but maybe don't feel it as much (how?!). She also felt substantial scar tissue on the back wall which she couldn't identify the cause of (could've been what caused my rectal bleed...the docs just don't check properly do they) and said that will give me problems with my bowels (passing stools is horrible, I'm on fybogel all the time now to make it bearable)

That was a month ago, I haven't been doing my PF religiously as my baby has been ill which you will all know is very hard, then I got ill too, even harder, but I do the exercises when I can, I walk a lot, and I had been feeling an improvement. Until I got my period, which was debilitating and then I couldn't even stand again, let alone walk, the pain in my external parts was agony. Likewise, we had sex for the first time and I felt ruined afterwards, really 'open'. And then yesterday I went to the gym, tried to ignore that irritating sensation of my inside walls flapping together and dropping out, but lo and behold I get home and I have spotting (period ended several days ago) and was aching down below.
And now today after 30 mins walk I had to sit down and 'rest' my lady parts....it's like I'm back to where I was 3 weeks post partum when its been almost 14 weeks?

Sometimes I am trying to comfort my DD at night and can't stand up to rock her and end up in tears myself and have to pass her to my DH before I lose it. I feel I am failing her and also feel devastated that no-one tells you this is 'the norm' - and if it's not 'the norm' then why is there not more help around? I cannot believe this will ever improve, everyone says 'six weeks', well its been 13 and I feel like a 70 year old woman hobbling around with my 'prolapse'. And all I have to look forward to is things getting worse? Great!

I do adore my baby and am so so grateful to have her and if this is the sacrifice I pay then I will, I have friends who can't conceive or have had miscarriages, I know its a small price compared to that, but it IS a shock and my life has changed and I just feel so alone as my DH cannot understand at all, and all my friends just seemed to bounce back. I am 2 stone heavier than I was and my breasts are covered in stretch marks but I don't care at ALL about that stuff, just want to be remotely 'myself' again and not feel this 'thing' all time. :-(

If ANYONE else is going through this I could really do with a kindred spirit, and if anyone has gone through this and HAS improved, I could really do with the light at the end of the tunnel.

Hugs to all you post-partum mums who are suffering xx

SJBean Sat 28-Dec-13 21:58:42

Sending hugs! Didn't want to read and run. Can't offer any practical advice other than please remember it has only been 3 months! Things do get better and things keep healing. Keep your chin up hon! X

cravingcake Sat 28-Dec-13 22:31:10

I cant read & run either. What you are going through is not normal, theres a lovely bunch of women over in general health on a prolapse thread who will be able to help guide you with who to speak to and how to get the right referral you need for the physical side of things.

Theres also a thread for Raggedies which i'm on and the lovely ladies there are very supportive.

I had a 4th degree tear 2 years ago and took months to recover, it was somewhere between 9months to 1 year post birth before i started feeling like me again. I also have a mild prolapse, which i will be getting sorted properly once i've finished having babies (currently pregnant with DC2, due in 3 weeks). So there is hope.

My advice is to take it one day at a time. Rather than trying to push your body at the gym when its not quite ready you could try swimming which is gentler. Little things like doing your hair or putting make up on can help give a little boost to making you feel more like you again.

Speak to your health visitor to ask about counselling if you find you cant speak to your gp. If you say the phrase (or similar) 'i'm not coping, i need some help' to them they should start jumping through hoops to find the right support for you.

Going out to post natal groups can be really good, you will find other new mums are going through similar situations. I've made some really good friends this way. If you tell yourself that the group is only one hour (or however long), you can put on a brave face for an hour and leave as soon as its finished then whats the worst that can happen. If you dont feel able to face going to groups at least get out in the fresh air as much as possible.

MissyTJ Sat 28-Dec-13 22:47:05

Thanks SJBean, I'm alright, I refuse to get down about it do occasionally get frustrated and sad.

cravingcake thanks so much I will look up those groups. I have found make up/hair etc does help to at least feel good on the outside. And I do meet up with people and stuff but no-one seems to be going through it. I had a reasonably small baby too, only 7.7, so baffled why its ruined me so much when some of my poor friends have had 10 pounders! (But then recovered well).

Glad to hear your prolapse is manageable and you have plans to treat it, I feel torn (pardon the pun!) about having anymore due to how I'm feeling now and how much worse the prolapse could get in old age, and feeling guilty that my DD will be an only child if not. Maybe I could pay for a c-section!! Lol!

Thank you, I will go find those threads now.

amandine07 Sun 29-Dec-13 01:43:29

OP you poor thing!
I don't have any specific advice but the other posters seem to be pointing you in the right direction.

I've not had a baby yet- due in 2 weeks- but from what I remember of friends/relatives who have given birth, they did not appear to suffer as much as you have.

Good luck with it, hope things improve soon and congratulations on your DD

cravingcake Sun 29-Dec-13 06:59:26

Thats great you are getting out with your DD. Its still early days regarding recovery, try not to worry about more children etc yet. I completely understand what you mean when you say no-one else seems to be so bad, which is where the support on here is great.

Have you contacted your hospital about going through your notes from the birth? You may find this helpful to try to understand what happened. Its not the size of the baby that causes problems, its more to do with the position they are in. My DS was 8lb 2oz so not tiny but by no means huge but we had forceps and shoulder dystocia, which is what made my tear worse. My friend had a 5lb baby and needed vontouse, and i have another friend who had a 9lb + baby born at home in a birthing pool without so much as a graze so size really doesnt matter smile

You should be referred to a specialist gynaecologist and you can ask them to put in writing their recommendation of delivery mode for future children, which should be ELCS. I had no problem whatsoever getting this as its recommended by all 3 gynaes i saw in my recovery. But again try not to worry about that yet.

babynelly2010 Sun 29-Dec-13 10:28:19

hey there,
yeah I have similar situation although I think yours sounds more severe.
I learned in the past that if I research and take things into my own control I don't get depressed so this is what I've been doing so far. I am 4 month PP after my second pregnancy and have anterior prolapse grade 2 and I think some of the posterior too but that needs to be confirmed.
I got physio appointment because my stomach muscles severely separated after my very fast labour with 4.2 kg baby born with his hand next to the face. I refused to leave a hospital without a solution for my stomach and they gave me physio appointment. I had a suspected prolapse and physio lady confirmed it. One day I had some funny feeling down below after a busy day and lifting my older daughter I went to the GP and demanded ganae appointment as well that will take place next week.
I spoke to the physio lady about getting surgery and she said NHS does not recommend it for someone my age, I am 33, unless it gets really bad. I am going to speak to ganae about it next week. Physio lady suggested that I just start doing exercise and live my life normal and let the prolapse get worth which is I think is a terrible suggestion. She said it will then make sense to have a surgery or wait until I am old for this to happen. My point is that I need a heathy vagina now not when I am menopausal and not when my OH is either dead, gone away with another or can't get up any more. I need to be active and keep healthy so I am around to see my kids grow. Also this surgery is not an easy one and while I am not so old it is easier to recover from something like that, now I do not plan to have any more children so my choices are may be different from yours. I also researched the best surgeon for this in my area and plan to go private if NHS does not help. I don't have extra cash but willing to go great length to have this done because I feel this is need to be resolved in order for my family to be happy and stay together as this really effecting me emotionally as well. So depending on how my NHS ganae appointment goes this will be my next step. meanwhile I am doing gentle exercise only. I signed up with mutu system and doing stretched and core exercises. I found out that normal exercise at the gym will aggravate your prolapse and really swimming or cycling are the only type of exercises that are ok to do, pilates are ok too. If you cycle do not stand up on your bike.
Another thing I found out that since the period came back that can improve things down there because you now have oestrogen in your system. You MUST do your kegels this is advise to all women not just with prolapse or child birth. This is very important. And one last thing. Grade 1-2 prolapse could resolve itself but if it does not in the first year after birth it will stay and not get better only get worth as it is a chronic condition.
Do not despair, there are solutions but you need to find out what your situation is. What grade prolapse you have and how to manage it. Do not let NHS tell you this is normal and because you had a baby. Just because other women choose to live with birth injuries it does not mean you have to do the same. Be pushy with them, tell the you are emotionally distressed and if you get no help go to someone else.

TarkaTheOtter Sun 29-Dec-13 10:37:13

I was lucky because although I had an extended 2nd degree tear it healed (with extensive stitching) without complications.

The 6 week thing is bollocks though. It took 8 months for sex to be pain free. From the people I know (well enough to discuss things like this with) 6 months is a better benchmark and for some it has taken a lot longer. The doctor should offer contraceptive advice at 6 weeks because some women might be ready, it's not because at 6 weeks you should be ready.

sksk Sun 29-Dec-13 10:48:02

I think you've had some good advice from the other people who have posted. I personally found the health visitors were great-very helpful and reassuring and they can probably point you in the right direction. Keep insisting on a referral to the gynae people. Don't give up and keep pushing for help. Insist, insist, insist!

MissyTJ Sun 29-Dec-13 11:33:14

Thanks everyone, this has really helped reassure me.
Cravingcake I will get pushy, and also I feel that ELCS is the only way I could consider another baby now, I would just refuse to push out of terror, I know I would, lol!

babynelly2010 thanks for the advice and sorry to hear you've suffered too. I really do find the general mentality is 'live with it until it debilitates you' which I find disgusting. When I spoke to a male doctor around 8 weeks pp, he was SO condescending, he actually said 'just because you WANT things to heal up doesn't mean that they will' and when I said 'ok, please can we try and help it along he said 'there's nothing to say that leaving it for 3/4 years will do it any harm' and I was like I don't want to FIND OUT if it does?! I want to improve it ASAP please, this is my LIFE. Also my one friends admitted she had a prolapse but that exercising helped her, and she's lost 5 stone since giving birth and says its gone completely, but I feel so much worse from my exercise the other day. Maybe different people's bodies react differently. Maybe she needed to lose the weight to improve hers, but I'm not that big, even at 2 stone overweight I'm only a 12/14 and 5'11 so its not like I'm obese.

I read horror stores online about the surgery being a hatchet job and utterly destroying lives, but what else can we do? Live with our inside flopping about (sorry!) and feeling 'open' and sore constantly, or risk surgery that may help or may ruin us altogether? I don't think these doctors often realise how hideous it is to live with. I think I was as close to suicidal as I've ever been around 6 weeks post-birth just because of everything going on and feeling like my life was just 'over'.

Thanks so much guys, I am going to look into surgery and maybe at my next physio really push to see a gynae as nothing feels like its 'where it used to be' at all, urethra, rectum etc all feel like they moved. Sorry if thats TMI!


babynelly2010 Sun 29-Dec-13 14:36:47

MissyTJ make sure you talk about how you feel with your health visitor or GP. You need to talk things out to feel better and may be they can give you some appointments to get counselling. I am not in expert in this area but you sound pretty down especially if you ever feel close to suicidal. I felt pretty down before but never like that.
The weight lose can help I read because prolapse is essentially a hernia of pelvic floor region organs which is due to internal pressure. That can be due to pregnancy, weight or incorrect posture. I don't have more weight to loose and back to pre pregnancy weight, in fact if anyone looked at me clothed they might of thought I am one of these ladies that just bounced back, but if they saw me with out clothes the story is different, plus prolapse and split muscles that no one can just see. I think many people don't tell or just don't know yet as well. Some people live with mild prolapses and don't really find out about it until a pelvic exam and to be honest even my GP was not quick to call mine a prolapse, she said it was a weakness in the vaginal wall, it is the physio lady that confirmed it to be grade 2 prolapse.
Yes surgery is very scary and I would not do it just with anyone. I understand the risks and facts. Anterior prolapse repair has 75% of success rate. I feel that if I research my surgeon well and take a good care of myself in recovery I can fall into that 75% of success. My preferred surgeon works with NHS too but in London hospital, I am north of it, so I will have to see if I can get in with him if not I will just go private. Yes I do not want to mess around with students going to practice on my already injured vagina or some rookies taking a stab, I read these scary stories too. If I go through with it a very good surgeon will be wondering down there only. I will make sure of it through my research.
I hope things get better for you and you have a good plan. Also it is OK to have another baby even after the prolapse repair surgery, different specialists will tell differently but much of my research shows that having a baby after prolapse and repair can be OK and will not necessarily bring the prolapse back but section will be required.
Regardless of your path to recovery just don't think that having babies is over for you. The body is amazing thing and it can heal however sometimes and extra help is needed and you should figure out what it is for you, if it is a physiotherapy, some changes to life style or surgery. I hope you have a wonderful support around you and OH is understanding. My OH does listen but like yours I don't think he understands about how much effect this has on me fully. I know he will support me through what ever I decide to do. Good luck to you.

MissyTJ Sun 29-Dec-13 15:52:25

babynelly hugs to you, thank you for sharing your experience and what you've found out. DH just gets a bit quiet when I get upset, I think he feels guilty and useless so can't say much to help me. That's why women need each other so much.

babynelly2010 Sun 29-Dec-13 16:00:08

Missy where r u located? I am in Hertfordshire if you are near by I don't mind meeting for coffe may be making friends. Cheers, happy new year!

MissyTJ Sun 29-Dec-13 16:45:28

That would lovely babynelly but I'm over in Bristol! Shame!! If I'm ever over that way I'll holler! :-)

Shocktothesystem Sun 29-Dec-13 21:16:14

Hi Missy i am so glad i came on tonight and read your post...you have described exactly how i have felt and to some extent still feel.

I had an episiotomy, ventouse which failed and ended in forceps. I felt from only a week after giving birth that something was't right...i felt VERY loose, open, droopy, and heavy. I felt like the only way to feel normal was to walk round holding myself which is what i did around the house for months.

For months after the birth i didnt want to leave the house because every moment i was standing or walking was a reminder that my body was ruined, and the thought of things hanging out of me made me feel sick. I also felt like i needed a wee constantly which was a further constant reminder. I was horrified by what had happened to me, and the same thoughts that you describe about the horror of never feeling normal or never enjoying sex again, haunted me. I also completely identify with the feeling that everyone else bounced straight back to normal and resumed a normal sex life after child birth. I often went into a blind panic thinking about it, looking down below, and even crying walking down the street because i felt like my organs were falling out.

I went to my gp quite early on and fortunately she was amazing. Two separate gps had a look and said they couldn't see any prolapse, even though i had convinced myself i had one. I was referred to a gynae who also told me that all women experience mild prolapse early on, and reassured me that sex would be enjoyable again one day. She sent me for physio and to the urology clinic for my bladder problems.

I have had months of appointments, and every single nurse, gynae etc who i have seen has had the same kind and reassuring attitude that i am not alone, weird or abnormal, and that the situation can be improved. Some of the comments/advice that stick in my head and which have helped are:

* Stop worrying about having 'the body beautiful' in terms of working out. The gym can make prolapse occur if pelvic muscles are weak/worse if it has already occured.

*Do pelvic floor exercises 5-6 times a day and avoid heavy lifting

* Be kind to yourself...if your pelvic floor feels tired, stop trying to do so much and take a break/have a sit down. Use this as a reminder that you need to take it easy.

*For some women, it can take up to a year to feel normal down below again...this is not abnormal - every single health professional i have seen has told me this.

I have found in addition to this, that sometimes things you read on the web tell you otherwise, and you are told you should be feeling a certain way in a certain amount of time that isnt always realistic. Being made to feel that i wasnt alone or by any means abnormal really helped me to feel more hopeful about my recovery and come to terms with what i was experiencing. I also found that the health care professionals i spoke to in real life were a lot more positive and gave a better prognosis than a lot of the horror stories you read on line - so i avoid googling now and listen only to the doctors who have seen me.

I am 11 months post birth now and things have improved drastically, but this has been a slow process and it is only in the last two months that i have been able to walk around feeling normal without the constant reminder or need to hold myself. I wouldnt say i am 100%, and if i walk or stand for too long my pelvic floor feels heavy and tired, but i feel so much happier than i did, and i hope for more improvement. I am also breast feeding which i have been told suppresses oestrogen production, so i should regain further tone once i stop - perhaps this is something that also applies to you?

I hope my experiences help, if only to tell you that i know EXACTLY how you feel. Stay positive, push for all of the help you can get, follow their advice, give yourself lots more time, and chances are, things will get better x

MissyTJ Wed 01-Jan-14 18:36:53

shocktothesystem your words have helped me so much, I could cry at the moment as once again I woke up feeling ok, have taken it reasonably easy bar carrying my dd around and leaning over and squatting a bit, mainly sitting down and trying not to slump. Only managed a bit of of exercise but have been doing them a lot the past few days and feeling frustrated that I can't 'hold' the contraction at all, and at worst just feels like its lumpy and bumpy and slipping before I've even tightened it. Also I am convinced I have SPD or some kind of fracture in my public bone as it hurts constantly. Passing urine sometimes is accompanied with a sharp pain and very so often it feels like someone is stabbing me with a needle inside of me. So here I am again at the end of the day walking around holding my lady parts as I get ready to put dd down, constantly telling mauled not to cry and just look at her beautiful face and be grateful.

To know that you were exactly in this place and things have improved gives me so much hope. I am going to try and push to see a gynaecologist as I want to make sure the right specialists have looked at me you know? It's hard to not feel fat and gross since I'm carrying an extra two stone (well, 1.5 since conception but I was already carrying Xmas weight then ;-)). But you're right, the outside hat isn't as important as the inside anymore. And a little make up goes a long way (DH certainly comments lol!)

Will try and remember to do PF and have faith. I think if we could actually rest it would help, but then we all know that's impossible! Lol!

Thank you so much for commenting to reassure me xx

MissyTJ Wed 01-Jan-14 18:40:19

Oooh typos! Of exercises should be PF exercises, mauled (!) should be 'myself!' And outside 'hat'...dunno what happened there!! Lol!

MissyTJ Wed 01-Jan-14 18:42:28

I also feel really cross with my friends who made me get out of the house and walk at 2 weeks pp, or go to the gym because it will 'help' my PF. I feel they have potentially misled me and made things worse for me and irreparable. Sometimes I wish women would just encourage each other to REST not power through.

cravingcake Wed 01-Jan-14 20:38:20

Try not to be cross with your friends, they havent had the same sort of birth you did and will only be trying to help. Take things one day at a time and if they push you to do something you dont feel ready to just say you have to rest as per doctors orders as your stitches are sore or you had a rough night & need to catch up on sleep. Or be honest and say to them that your insides feel like they are falling out so really not up to it.

Shocktothesystem Wed 01-Jan-14 20:54:16

Hi MissyTJ am so glad that sharing my experiences helped. You definately sound like you are describing me at the same stage! You sound like you are doing the right things by trying to take it easy and not lift too much, although as you say, some lifting is unavoidable and you do have to get on with life as well.

As far as i have been advised, walking and running won't cause any problems, so don't worry about that (although I personally found them uncomfortable and even distressing at first). I did find though that starting to take short walks with the pram, listening to some music gave me a massive lift mentally, just to have some 'me' time I think. I gradually built these walks up and found that i was able to walk further and further each day, and the weight fell off me and I am actually a stone lighter than pre baby now (i was a bit lazy before baby!). Weight loss can also ease some of the pressure on your pelvic floor so i think some exercise is advised. I was advised that pilates was a perfect choice. Just definately don't do any weight bearing exercises or use weight machines of any kind, and my physio told me particularly not to do sit ups or ab crunches which I was surprised to hear put huge bearing down pressure on the pelvic floor.

Another thing that I found helped was getting out to baby support groups or classes each week. I met some lovely other Mum's whom I gradually built up friendships with and I found that most people were quite candid and honest about motherhood and childbirth. Hearing that other people had had similarly difficult experiences and the same feelings post birth really helped.

Something else which has just occured to me is that feeling a big improvement in the past two months has coincided with the return of my monthly cycle (sorry but tmi). I had been told that hormone changes related to return of periods means an increase in oestrogen which helps with muscle tone and dryness etc. So maybe if your cycle hasn't returned yet, you will notice improvement when it does.

A lot of people will probably try to make out that they are totally in control and powering through (and i am sure some are!), but you are probably just noticing these people more, and there are probably others who are feeling the same or worse than you. Forget about everyone else and just do what you need to do to make yourself feel better physically and emotionally. If you feel weak and tired, sit down and have a cuddle with tour dd. I also used to start the day thinking i felt so much better, and by the end of the day I had all the horrible, uncomfortable feelings again, but it takes time! I never believed it would end, but now I only feel heavy and weak if I have have been on my feet for literally hours.

Be honest with your dp about what is going on too, if you haven't already. I was so embarrassed about what was going on, but I felt like I needed my DP's support, so that he knew my physical capabilities and so he was able to take a bit of the pressure off.

Aside from all of these self help things, seek the professional help and get a proper assessment and course of action. You will probably find that just having that hospital appointment will make you feel so much more in control and more positive about your recovery. Good luck x

QuietNinjaTardis Wed 01-Jan-14 21:09:17

Hi missy, I don't have the exact experience you are having but it took me a long time to feel better after the birth of my son, I had forceps and an episiotomy and tore as well. I didn't have a prolapse but had quite a few problems including pain in my urethra sp? Give it time and insist in getting any medical help you need. I can't believe doctors are saying to just leave it. Pisses me off that women have to just put up with birth Injuries.
Also wanted to say that dd is 4 weeks old tomoro and I'm in bristol so if you're nearby and want to meet for tea and cake then that would be fab?

LittleMilla Wed 01-Jan-14 21:32:32

Missy - spotted you're in Bristol and would like to suggest Vicki Hill personal training. She runs buggy fit on the downs (and other places) and I've been going to a buns tums and thighs class at bs7 gym. She's incredible and really knows her stuff.

I started roughly 12 weeks pp with a partial prolapse. Over the last 12 weeks I've felt things improve significantly, To the point that it's beginning to feel 'normal' again.

She's fully trained in post natal fitness and will certainly tell you off for being too much too soon. She's all about restoring your core strength and really tailors her classes to everyone's stage pp.

Yes I know I'm evangelising but she really has helped me start feeling ok again and I'm going to keep on with her classes for as long as possible.

Look her up!!

MissyTJ Fri 03-Jan-14 16:22:12

shockto the thing about waking up ok and feeling awful by the end of the day is TOTALLY where I am at. Last night I was just broken, I was tired, DD had her 12 week jabs which upset me, DH was back at work, I had carried the buggy up and down stairs (we're in a flat) and was panicking doing it...and by the end of the day I literally was in hysterics sobbing on the bed that my life is over, I won't be able to hold my baby in a few months, blah blah blah. I'm sure it sounds OTT but with the slep deprivation by evening I am a wreck, plus my lovely DH said a breakdown was long overdue and I deserve a good cry, bless him. He knows everything as we have that sort of relationship, he's my best friend first, DH second really. He feels very helpless.

I get angry with myself that I caused this and that is what makes me really upset, that maybe if I taken things easier I could've prevented this. I remember moving a bed when I was about 6 months pregnant because I was 'strong' and 'hardcore' and felt something 'pop' and I swear that was me destroying my pelvic floor. That moment will haunt me forever :-(

quietninja so sorry I didn't log on yesterday (I would've been a ranty nightmare if I had haha!) thank so much for the offer that is so kind, I would've liked that. maybe next time?

littlemilla that's great info, thank you. The though of running with the buggy seems impossible but I will look up her classes.

I've also bought a DVD called Pfilates, its pilates to tone and strengthen the PF rather than 'rely' on it. I'll let you all know how that goes.

Once again, mumsnet, thank you so much :-) xx

LittleMilla Sat 04-Jan-14 12:43:43

Missy - there is no running!! Please don't be put off by the name. It's so gentle and her approach is the antithesis to gym stuff. All about slow and steady and simply strengthening your core.

It's also a great way to meet some rl people gojng through the same.

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