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What do you want to say to midwives?

(208 Posts)
Whistleforit Thu 10-Oct-13 18:50:04

Have been asked to speak to a conference of them about What Matters to Women from patient perspective. Come on, what you got for me? smile

SmallBee Thu 10-Oct-13 18:54:26

hmmm, considering I'm going in for an induction tomorrow my first thought is just:

Heeeelp meee!

But moving on from that, the main & most important thing I want from the midwifes is to explain to me what is happening at every stage, without any jargon, almost as if they were talking to a toddler. to not give me any important information whilst conducting a sweep (happened today - no idea what I was told) & to repeat anything really key a couple of times to make sure I understand it.

Whistleforit Thu 10-Oct-13 19:35:13

Sure like a toddler? Other peeps I've talked to said 'just speak to me like I have a brain'.

stargirl1701 Thu 10-Oct-13 19:38:26

Midwives need further training in Breastfeeding. Some are very skilled, some are dreadful.

bdbfan Thu 10-Oct-13 19:45:18

Thank you. All the midwives I've had have been great and supportive and got me through labour and birth (relatively) unscathed smile

ditavonteesed Thu 10-Oct-13 19:48:59

for the breastfeeding help you need a lovely maternity support worker instead of a midwife.

redredeyes Thu 10-Oct-13 19:50:45

1. That having one midwife throughout pregnancy and for the whole active labour and birth REALLY DOES make a difference to mothers.

2. That touching women gently and with respect and asking permission before touching her, each and every time, REALLY DOES make a difference.

LittleMilla Thu 10-Oct-13 19:51:31

Please don't make me lie on my back to examine me when my birth is progressing beautifully and I know I need to push. grin

That's all. (But obvs I just want more encouragement for active birthing, even if you're being monitored closely)

stripeygreensocks Thu 10-Oct-13 19:52:31

More of them. The midwives that treated me while having dd were (or would have been) great but there was too many labouring women that night and at times I felt alone, in the way and very scared

ChipAndSpud Thu 10-Oct-13 19:52:51

I'd like to say thank you to the midwife who delivered my DS and my community midwives!

I would agree with other posters re. more breast feeding support, but I think that's more a case of lack of resources than the midwives themselves in my experience.

Wallison Thu 10-Oct-13 19:57:27

My labour was horribly mismanaged, as was the aftercare of my son. I couldn't even begin to go into all the different ways that this was the case, sorry, but it ended up with him in intensive care and me fighting a raging (and very painful) infection. But, just on my own experience, listening to women in labour and after they've given birth would be a massive step forward. All of the problems we had were completely preventable and should not have happened in a rich country with £billions spent on healthcare each year but because of poor care, incompetent systems and a couple of truly woeful individuals we were left in a terrible situation.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Thu 10-Oct-13 20:00:45

I would have liked them to go through my notes.

Two of my children have died, obviously they can see on the front of my notes how many children I have had, if they looked further into my notes they would see what happened, the very last thing I want to do while I am in labour is have to tell them and go over the details, often more than one with shift changes and breaks etc.

Every single time they have said, oh I see you have X children you have your hands full, and I have had to explain.

It isn't difficult to have a quick scan through the notes and it would have made a huge difference to me to mention and explain what happened to my children when I chose to.

cogitosum Thu 10-Oct-13 20:01:23

Thank you I think I love you!

cogitosum Thu 10-Oct-13 20:04:44

Sorry awful xpost. I had a really good experience and adored all the midwives I encountered. The things that made a difference were the fact they'd actually read my birth plan and that they were calming without being patronising. They listened and made me feel special not just one on a conveyer belt.

JadziaSnax Thu 10-Oct-13 20:07:24

Ask permission before touching me. Please be aware of antenatal depression and help sufferers get appropriate help quickly. It took months and months to get the right help, by the time I got my first proper appointment, the baby had been born.

Tiredtrout Thu 10-Oct-13 20:07:49

Just because someone has already had children doesn't mean they aren't nervous about being pregnant especially if they fall down stairs and are rh neg, or if you can't find the heartbeat and they have to go for a scan. Just a quick call checking they're ok would be nice

aliceinapalace Thu 10-Oct-13 20:12:10

Don't say," you'll most likely going to have a section, but we have to go through all the induction bit first" to a woman who had been hoping to have a water birth until 30 mins ago

FunnysInLaJardin Thu 10-Oct-13 20:17:28

Don't patronise me, if I say I am terrified of breast feeding second time round, don't dismiss me. Give me proper options. I was scared stiff of getting mastitis again and really struggling from a MH POV.

Oh and it would be lovely to have one dedicated MW for the whole of your pregnancy. My care while excellent was quite fragmented. I would have liked within reason to have known the MW who was going to deliver my baby

CatFromAcrossTheRoad Thu 10-Oct-13 20:18:19

Accept it when a woman requests an epidural in labour, and don't try 'but baby is almost here' when nobody really knows for sure when baby comes out. This way you might also have fewer woman asking/opting for a c-section for subsequent children.

SmallBee Thu 10-Oct-13 20:19:10

Whistle : Ok probably not like a toddler, but a I've had a few complications with this pregnancy and as a result have had a lot of info thrown at me at once so I guess a better way of wording it would be:

Speak to me in very basic layman's terms, don't assume I know what any jargon or terminology actually means. For example, telling me I have a bishops score of 4 is useless to me if I don't even know what one is, how it is calculated and whether 4 is good, bad, something to panic about etc.

badguider Thu 10-Oct-13 20:25:17

Please please please can they make an attempt to make the recovery ward a calm, quiet and restful environment.
Do NOT talk in ordinary speaking voices all night, keep bright lights to a minimum, try to manage the cleaners better so they're not pulling apart the ward when exhausted women are trying to sleep.
My delivery was fine and I was we'll but ds was waiting for blood results so I had two days and two nights of hell in the ward.

JassyRadlett Thu 10-Oct-13 21:00:25

If you're going to insist on continuous monitoring, tell me why.

If you're going to change my pain relief options, tell me why, and involve me in the decision, tell me why.

If my son nearly died, tell me, and tell me why. Don't leave meticulous discover it my notes two weeks later when there was no one to answer my questions.

If my son had an unrelated and mild birth injury, tell me what it means and what pain it might cause him. Don't just brush it off as 'one of those things' that will 'go away in a week or so'. I could have avoid a lot of breastfeeding troubles and stress had you done this.

Conversely, I had amazing postnatal care but for the fact that none of the MWs knew much about breastfeeding except to breezily say we were clearly fine based on the fact that DS was vaguely latched on.

Whistleforit Thu 10-Oct-13 21:14:27

Lots of insightful stuff - thank you. And yes, I will also say thank you to them for every time it goes right. Agree totally on listening, reading, touching with care, being kind, sharing information.

V interested in desire for continuous care - I wonder if we all want the same thing - one or two midwives who know us and see us through the whole process. Interested in views.

And, if so, why we think this isn't happening (I do note that only two Secretaries of Health in last 100 years have given birth).

angryneedsadvice Thu 10-Oct-13 21:17:08

That when a woman says shes in pain, during labour or post natally SHE IS and its not your job to gauge how much.

emsyj Thu 10-Oct-13 21:21:56

Yes yes yes, continuity of care - have you heard of One to One Midwives? They are operating in my area (thank goodness) and so I was very fortunate to have the same midwife throughout with DD2. She saw me for every appointment from 5 weeks through to delivering my baby and then for 6 weeks after the birth. She helped me to feel safe enough to have the VBAC that I wanted in the peace and comfort of my own home. The experience I had with my second pregnancy and birth was a whole universe away from the horrific 'care' I had first time around.

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