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Feeling jealous.

(15 Posts)
kdinas Thu 01-Jun-06 23:32:34

I feel very jealous of women who manage to give birth vaginally.
I don't wish a c-section on anyone, but I do feel a teensy-weensy bit green-eyed, when I hear from friends how well their inductions went, or how fast their labours progressed, or how nice the midwives were to them.
Today, a friend that had a her baby 8 weeks ago, phoned me to ask when I would like to come and see her, and I made all sorts of excuses.
I just don't want to look upset when she tells me how well her birth went, and how well she coped with 'pushing' etc.
I know someof the reason is that I feel, or have ben made to feel that the c-sections are my fault, that I am no good at having babies. I feel a bit of a failure, and idiot for not having better control over the birth environment.
I know someone who had twins, and while I ws pleased for her and relieved that both she and babies are in good health,I did think 'even she managed to avoid a c-section!'.
I feel like such an ogre.
Kay.

nothercules Thu 01-Jun-06 23:34:09

actually you will find there are an awful lot of women who would much rather have a c section than their vaginal births. I know I would never have a vaginal birth again and would insist on a c section.

dewmeadow Thu 01-Jun-06 23:37:46

kd - please dont feel that how the baby comes out makes you a good or bad mother - the important thing is that your baby and you are both healthy. You are a wonderful mother whatever type of birth you have had.

I have had both, and while you definitely recover quicker from a vb I felt no less bonded with my DS, who was emergency CS.

dewmeadow Thu 01-Jun-06 23:39:03

Yes nothercules, if I go again, the thought of a prolonged painful labour (which I had in both babies) seems extremely unappealing

gingernut Thu 01-Jun-06 23:45:10

I can sort of sympathise - although I had 2 vaginal deliveries they were absolutely horrendous. Both were several days long and the first was ventouse (second nearly was - they were about to do it when he finally popped out!). I feel really jealous of people who had easy, uncomplicated, short labours. I know I should get over it but I can't! I just feel it's so unfair! Why am I so rubbish at giving birth?

BTW, I'm with notherculues in that if I ever get pg again I shall request a section. I was offered one second time around and wish now that I had gone for it.

Sorry for rant! But I can really identify with your post.

Melpomene Fri 02-Jun-06 00:18:04

Giving birth is mostly just the luck of the draw - there are a few things that mothers can do to make labour go more smoothly, but sometimes with the best will in the world vaginal birth isn't going to happen. It doesn't mean you've failed.

Both my dds were born by emergency cs due to failure to progrees. With dd1, I was in labour overnight and spent most of the time lying down on my back. When I was in labour with dd2, I did things differently and worked really hard at staying upright, moving around, etc.etc. It didn't make any difference - the pain was still terrible and after 10 hours in labour I only ever got to 1cm dilated.

A few months later my friend had her 2nd baby, and she got to 8cm dilated without even realising she was in labour...

I second what dewmeadow said. As your children grow up they won't give 2 hoots that they were born by cs, but it will be very important to them that they have a mother who reads to them, understands them, giggles with them, helps them find fun things to do and looks after them when they're sick, etc etc.

CarolinaMoose Fri 02-Jun-06 09:49:41

kdinas, I know how you feel .

I can feel pleased for someone who's had a positive experience and is really excited about it, but there seem to be a lot of women who have an easy time of it, can't understand what the fuss is about and really do seem to look down on women who can't do it so easily.

The trouble is, if things had gone the way I hoped with ds, I would have been one of those women , so I try to remember that whenever I meet one of them...

I think the downside of the whole natural/active birth movement is that it can sound as if that experience is available to everyone, but it just isn't like that. If I'd lived 100 years ago, say, ds and I would both have died along with plenty of other women and babies. I'm sure the whole competitive birth thing has always gone on, but I think we take a lot for granted now and it's hard sometimes to remember that if mum and baby are both healthy that's a lot to be thankful for.

Xavielli Fri 02-Jun-06 09:50:37

Hey just think... there is no chance of your partner no longer wanting to go near your saggy lady bits anymore!

Everything has an upside!

dewmeadow Fri 02-Jun-06 09:53:42

moose - us too. there was no way my Ds was coming out vaginally. we would both have died.

gingernut Fri 02-Jun-06 10:24:24

Yes, ds1 and I would have died too I expect.

FioFio Fri 02-Jun-06 10:27:03

Message deleted

Rosylily Fri 02-Jun-06 14:51:17

When I had my second baby I was very smug cuz it was so fast I still had my trousers on, but I TORE BADLY and had to pee with pouring water for two weeks. I made the mistake of looking down below with a mirror. A HORRENDOUS SITE! hi dewmeadow d'you recognise me?

bubblepop Fri 02-Jun-06 16:09:30

kay. please don't feel an idiot or a failure.its all beyond your control after all. i can kind of understand how you feel though, i had vaginal births that went very well, but felt a teeny weeny bit jealous of a friend of mine who 'chose' a c-section. even though there were plenty of reasons that she could have attempted normal delivery, there were a whole host of other reasons why she should not and so she made the right choice for her.you have to just learn to accept what happened in your situation has happened,nothin you can really do about it. the same goes for feeding our babies, people get very emotional when it comes to breast vs bottle!! at the end of the day, as long as you and your children are safe and well in the world, we really must try not to compare. im sure you are gonna feel better soon.

morethan1 Fri 02-Jun-06 17:53:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Verso Fri 02-Jun-06 20:19:25

Oh glad to see your post because I feel jealous in a similar way of women who gave birth easily vaginally too. I have friends who just kind-of popped them out and really don't 'get' that a third-degree tear is quite horrendous. When I was traumatised for months afterwards, one of them even said to me, "well some women do take to motherhood better than others" as though I was over-reacting and being silly .

But no - I do agree with everyone who says it's not how they arrive in the world, it's how you look after them afterwards that counts.

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