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Poll-Your Mum at the birth?

(276 Posts)
IndecisivePramBuyer81 Mon 24-Jun-13 16:28:58

For those with DH's - did you have/would you have your Mum at the birth of your first child?

PicturesofParadise Mon 24-Jun-13 17:40:10

I adore my mother but there is no way that I would want her at the birth of any of my children!

shelley72 Mon 24-Jun-13 17:45:09

god no. we are very close and i love her to bits, but she is rubbish in a crisis and would definitely cause more worry for me when i wouldnt need it.

i have a DD and i was thinking about this the other day and im not sure i would want to watch her labour and give birth either. i wouldnt like to see my little girl in pain and not being able to help her. but if she wanted me too, then of course i would though i would still be scared for her.

IndecisivePramBuyer81 Mon 24-Jun-13 18:00:21

She wouldn't put pressure on me at all but I know she's really disappointed so I feel guilty even though I know I shouldn't! If I didn't have such a supportive OH she'd def be there and I still want her to be third person to hold the baby! have told her all this. ..One Born hasn't helped my cause mind! loads of Mum's on there!

mamachelle Mon 24-Jun-13 18:12:47

i had my mum with me alongside dh at the birth of my 1st. Although shes my best friend it wasnt planned. after a long labour and a lot of drugs i was crying for her! didnt need her with the other two.

Cavort Mon 24-Jun-13 20:09:15

Don't feel guilty, this really isn't about her at all, it's all about you.

I am 39+5 with DC1 and it will just be DH and me in the delivery room. I am a grown woman of 35, why on earth would I need/want my Mum there?

scarlettsmummy2 Mon 24-Jun-13 20:13:16

Had both at first and missed having her at the second.

therumoursaretrue Mon 24-Jun-13 21:15:50

I had both DP and my mum there and so glad I did. I had a difficult pregnancy and because DP works away my mum did a lot of the hospital visits with me (I was in and out a lot in final semester) so it seemed natural to have her there as support for both DP and I. I then went on to have a difficult childbirth and honestly don't think I could have done it without the support of them both. Then shortly afterwards I lost a 1.5 litres of blood and started to go into shock.

Thank goodness my mum was there as DP got a call at the same time to say his brother (on chemo) had been rushed to hospital after collapsing. I wasn't aware at the time this was happening, but honestly do not know how he just didn't fall to bits, it must have been really scary for him.

stargirl1701 Mon 24-Jun-13 21:17:47

No way. My DH is the father of my DD. Why would I have chosen to exclude him from the birth of his child?

WouldBeHarrietVane Mon 24-Jun-13 21:19:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WouldBeHarrietVane Mon 24-Jun-13 21:23:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wereonourway Mon 24-Jun-13 21:25:07

My mum was there. Ds was 6 weeks early, I'd asked her to be there and she was great.

Ds was whisked away though (born in theatre) so she didn't see him til next day, I'm sure that upset her.

The birth was quite traumatic and although she's not said anything I think it really affected her. If I had another I don't think is ask again, for her feelings rather than mine

therumoursaretrue Mon 24-Jun-13 21:28:53

Wereonourway I feel the same. I know my mum was happy to be there but I felt awful afterwards about how traumatic it must have been for her to watch.

Chunkamatic Mon 24-Jun-13 21:29:09

My mum was with me and my DP for both DCs birth.

It wasn't so much planned the first time, it just took so long that she was there at the hospital before DS1 was. She was incredibly calm and supportive and I felt I could trust her words of encouragement much more than I could DPs as she had done it before!

DS2 we knew we wanted her there again. Yes it is an incredible time to share with your DP but my mum is sensitive enough to realise this and gave us space if we needed it. I guess it really depends on what kind of person your mum is though!

She also recognises what an amazing privilege it was to be there, and I know she feels a great bond with my boys partly because of this.

perplexedpirate Mon 24-Jun-13 21:40:12

I did.
Absolute unmitigated disaster which all but destroyed our already brittle relationship and fouled up my first hours with my son. sad

recall Mon 24-Jun-13 21:42:48

Wanted her there, but DH didn't sad

Goldrill Mon 24-Jun-13 21:45:26

Mine was and DP was extremely grateful! It was a long one and mum came in for the last few hours when I was totally losing the plot and DP was knackered and getting very worried it was all going to go very wrong. She was brilliant and kept us both going.
We did start off thinking it should just be the two of us, but labour is unpredictable and we were really lucky she was there.

flossy101 Mon 24-Jun-13 21:46:17

No. Next time I'm not even sure ill let DH in, he irritated me that much.

Hashtagwhatever Mon 24-Jun-13 21:49:24

No I didn't, feel in some way it would take away the specialness for dh and myself.

Having said that I would love if my dd wanted me there.

flowery Mon 24-Jun-13 21:50:23

I would have said absolutely not.

But in fact my mum was there at the birth of DS1.

My parents live in France and the idea was when I went into labour, we'd ring, and she'd sort out a flight and get over here to see baby probably two or three days after the birth, and would help out at home etc

In the event, I was in labour so long he still had not arrived when she did, and she was at home twiddling her thumbs with DHs parents who had come up and were doing the same while dogsitting. Then joined by my SIL, her DH and my niece. grin

I was in labour for so long and it was not going well, that in the end, knowing my mum was only a few minutes away waiting, I just said to DH "I want my mum". (I was in a pretty bad way by this point), and FIL drove her down. She gave me a bit extra strength for the last couple of hours and was there for DS1s' birth, which I know she felt was a great privilege.

DH and I are very self-sufficient, partly deliberately and partly through necessity as we have no family nearby to help out anyway, so if anyone had said to me what would end up happening, I would not have believed them. DH would have said the same but in the event was glad of the extra support, as both of us were pretty much on our knees and some 'fresh blood' in the fight was required!

But you shouldn't feel guilty, if you want just you and DH then that's what you should have.

RoomForALittleOne Mon 24-Jun-13 21:53:02

I had no choice. DH was still on his way back from Iraq when DD1 was born 5 weeks early. It was mum or no-one. I am very grateful that she was there. It's not the same as DH but definitely better than being alone.

cafebistro Mon 24-Jun-13 21:56:03

No I didnt for any of my 3 births. I'm not close to my Mum so i didn't even consider it.

RhinestoneCowgirl Mon 24-Jun-13 21:58:44

My mum was there for first birth (and second).

I talked it over with DH beforehand and made it clear that it wasn't that I thought he couldn't cope, but that she would be a good support for both of us. And that she'd had 3 babies herself, including one homebirth.

She was amazing, both with practical help and emotionally. She got DS dressed for the first time while the MWs checked me over and was first to cuddle DS after me and DH.

LaChaiseVerte Mon 24-Jun-13 22:00:46

Yes, both times. She was great, calm, supportive, reassuring and unobtrusive. She was a help to not only me but dh too. I've had 2 planned hb that were amazingly positive experiences, and mum was a big part of tgat. She feels honoured to have been there too.

That said, I would not expect to be asked by my dds, and completely get why some peoole feel nore comfortable without.

queenofthepirates Mon 24-Jun-13 22:11:51

Never again, she dropped a canister of gas and air on my foot mid contraction then faffed and sighed when i asked for a lip salve on the delivery table. She also texted during my contractions, not a crime but I was trying to hypnobirth so the bleep, bleep was a bit off putting.

Finally, after three days of labour, the midwife asked me if i wanted a c-section. I asked my mum what I should do and she said she didn't think she had enough money for the hospital parking meter for me to take my time for a c-section. Thankfully the mw ushered her out at this point.

trikken Mon 24-Jun-13 22:12:35

Yup had dh my mum and mil there. They all behaved themselves and it was lovely, but it was my decision that I was happy for them to be there.

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