Visiting hours on PN ward - Q for CS mums(18 Posts)
I have accepted that I am having an ELCS in a few weeks time
whether I like it or not and reading through the information pack I've seen partners can visit 10am-12, and 2-9pm only.
We've already got one DC (with additional needs) and so childcare will be being provided by her usual nursery 9-5. With the restrictions in place that means DH will be much less able to be around than I desperately need him to be, and he also feels shut out from getting to know his child in the first few days (I'll be in 2 days/2 nights).
Now DH is quite well behaved, he doesn't shout, doesn't run in the corridors and never sits on the hospital bed. But I'm already nervous enough as it is and suddenly discovering that he won't be with me most of the 2 days I am in has come as quite a shock.
Anyone any advice? Our first DC was born very sick and neither of us held her for the first 8 days so we are understandably hoping things will be better this time around.
Hi, all hospitals are different but I had a 2 week stay with DC1 following his birth and the midwives were very understanding, my DH was allowed in pretty much all the time. I did have my own room tho which obviously helped as there was no need for anyone else to know or make a fuss about why their families weren't allowed to break the rules too!
I think if you have a word with them and explain the situation they will hopefully be fine about being a bit more relaxed about it. Good luck!
I was in my own HDU room for the first two days after DS's birth and there were no enforced visiting hours but once I moved to the maternity ward they were pretty similar to yours.
Tbh, you'll be glad of them - you may miss your DH but you won't have to suffer everyone else's visitors day and night.
Lewisham maternity ward: like being on the set of Tenko but without the Japanese guards and beatings......
I've just spoken to a HV who says that they don't have cosleeper cots either at the PN ward so quite how I'll get baby in and out of the horrid cots I don't know - they are also changing the guidelines on leaving babies in bed with mum?
I had a private room last time as DC1 was in NICU 2 weeks (I was in 5 days) and DH was there from 10ish until 9pm each night.
Our local maternity ward is a bit like Tenko too Mumofmoos.
Unless, of course you happen to be taking photos/plaster handprints/giving out Bounty bags/collecting for numerous charities etc.
They seem to be allowed in and out whenever they fancy.
Sorry, showing my age
Tenko was a tv series in the early 80s about a group of women who were prisoners of war in a Japanese prison camp. No one allowed in or out.
I was in hospital for a week and pretty much immobile following a (somewhat botched) emcs for DD. There were set visiting hours for partners but we managed to get DH in pretty much whenever I needed/wanted him there.
In my experience the following really helped:
- be really really really nice and charming to all the staff on the ward - this helps when you're asking them to bend the rules for you
- ask for a private room asap and keep asking until you get one - this means your DH is more able to stay under the radar outside normal visiting hours and staff may be more likely to turn a blind eye (again, being lovely and nice to everyone also helps with this)
I only stayed in PN ward one night and HDU one night, there was no co sleeping cot and I really struggled to get baby in and out, eventually she just slept on bed with me, no one seemed to mind and I put her in cot to go loo etc.
The partners visiting hours thing wasn't nice but the staff helped me, in hdu they took her for a few hours so I could sleep and in PN took her to let me eat/pack. I also had loads of help with feeding.
I agree it makes partners a bit left out though, and as helpful and kind as staff were I really wanted him there more.
I just buzzed the midwives every time they (dd1 and dd2 both EMCS, two different hospitals) cried to pick up from the cot and everytime they finished feeding to put back in.
Every half an hour.
They soon got fed up and said I could keep them in the bed with me
On the second day I got up and did it all myself, made good practice for the nights at home.
I liked not having too many visits the second time around as I got to sleep more (with an toddler at home and a newborn that is not always possible).
There will be plenty of time for him to bond during visiting hours, just hand baby over, go for a shower and sleep. Let him change the nappies and wake you when baby needs feeding.
One thing though, get him to bring some decent food for after the CS and every time he comes in. You will be ravenous and the food will either be dreadful, not come promptly or end up cold and unpalatable whilst you are feeding.
I had an emcs with ds2, he was premature (but not too early) and we weren't prepared for it. I was in for 6 days.
Dh could have visited anytime from 9a.m. till 10p.m. other visitors were limited
We have another ds at school.
Dh had two weeks paternity. We agreed that while I was still in hospital (20 miles away btw) that Dh would carry on working, visit for 1hr every evening with ds2 and take his time off when we were discharged, when he would be of more use to us.
I was lonely, I had two other visitors, that visited once, apart from Dh and ds for an hour each evening but it gave me a chance to bond 1 on 1 with ds2 with no interuptions and establish bf.
Midwives were great and let me co sleep and showed me how to do it safely.
When we came home, I would have been devastated if Dh had gone back to work the week after, glad we had him at home for two weeks, that gave him time to bond with ds2 and get to know him properly.
It'll be fine
I had an ELCS recently, they only had those fishbowl cots next to the bed and similar visiting hours. While I still had the catheter in I buzzed a nurse to do nappy changes but I was actually able to lift dd in and out for feeding by myself as the cot was close enough. If I couldn't I'd have buzzed again.
When the catheter was removed, I was perfectly fine to get out of bed myself and do nappy changes etc. I could also potter around a bit.
While it was nice to have DH there, it actually got a bit dull as there's not much to do apart from feed and sleep. And he really had plenty of time for baby cuddles.
The post-natal ward I was on recently (yes I'd agree with the Tenko comments) had the same 9-12/2-9 type visiting arrangements for partners. They didn't stick to them - basically they'd adapted it into a keep the noise down, dads look after the babies quietly and let your ladies sleep time of day as much as possible.
For what it's worth I had my eldest one visiting a lot and no one ever batted an eyelid - in the end it was one factor (the other being DD2 needing phototherapy) that got them to find me a side room... so I didn't feel desperately obliged to keep DD1 silent all the time she was in there. Think the other reason they moved me to the side room was that I was stirring up mutiny among the other inmates over the ridiculous "women can't have the curtains around their beds so they HAVE to interact and bond with each other" (some idiot manager had the idea that the older mums who'd done it before would sit there sharing tales of wisdom to be eagerly taken on board by the first-timers... in fact we all sat there waiting for someone to crack and be the first to draw the curtains closed again) - funnily after I started attempting to instigate the Great Curtain Mutiny of 2013 - they got me the hell off the main ward for some strange reason!
If you choose to have your baby in bed with you, that's your choice. There are no rules that can be enforced. They may not like it, you may get grief, but you can choose to tell them that it's your baby, your choice.
The access rules for partners is outrageous. I clearly recognise the need for privacy for other women. But each and every woman is in need of support and because in the postnatal ward there's usually very poor support due to lack of resources, partners are needed even more. But fundamentally, their baby too. Very politely explaining how you need help and need your partner to stay outside visiting hours does sometimes work.
You will be fine
I've had 3 CS. In the end my babies never slept anyway so I had them in bed with me. When I had dd1 (8) I was encouraged to co-sleep as I was BF. By DD3 rules changed and I was supposed to have her in cot - which I did while DP was about - but during the night I just had her in bed with me and we both dozed.
Concentrate on mobilising ASAP, get catheter out as soon as they will let you, take your pain relief, get showered and dressed as soon as you can. When you get home be active but remember you have just had an operation, don't be tempted to be superwoman.
Had elcs recently
DH could actually come for extended hours 9-9 and they let DS do those hours too
Fishbowl cots with us so had to ring midwives for help
Agree with mobilising ASAP.
Had emcs first time and they pretty much forgot about me in individual room so I unknowingly healing in sitting up position for five days which made standing and recovery very hard.
Elcs this time I got up as soon as catheter out about twelve hours later and forced myself to walk as straight as possible as much as possible. It did feel like my insides were jiggling around a lot but I was determined and it made recovery much much easier as my stomach wasn't healing in a scrunched up position.
Thank you everyone - superb advice, will come back and respond when I am on a keyboard not my phone.
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