Bringing DD to hospital day of c-section - your thoughts??

[Mummy252]

Ok, so dd is 21 months and I'm due for an elective c-section( after very bad birth with her) in 2 weeks!!
To be fair dd and I may have some attachment issues, we literally spend every waking and sleeping for that matter moment together. She doesn't go to nursery and is with me 24/7, we tried nursery but both of us hated it.

Anyway, I'm dreading being away from her overnight as I genuinely don't remember anyone else ever putting her to sleep/ getting her up etc and I know she will be very confused.
My mum is coming over in the morning as we leave very early for hospital so dd will wake up with her. I know there's 3 of us booked in that day and they usually only book 2 so no idea when I will actually go down to theatre.
My question is could dd come to the hospital with us? With my mum of course? Then we can be together and wake up together etc until its time to go to theatre? I want her to come see me and her baby brother after the birth anyway?
Just wondering how others played it with their little ones when they went in?

[quoteunquote]

I would just leave her with your mum, and let her settle,

She will be fine, you are over thinking it.

[givemeaclue]

You do know you could be in for five days?

She won't be able to have her stay over night

[noblegiraffe]

Oh dear god no. I had to be at the hospital at 7am and didn't actually go to theatre till 3pm due to emergencies. I was sat on a bed in a cubicle in the maternity day assessment unit waiting the whole time, listening to women coming in for monitoring. It would have been an absolute nightmare trying to entertain a toddler at the same time as trying to keep calm about the impending operation. I ended up on a drip too due to being nil by mouth in preparation, but getting dehydrated.

Leave her with your mum.

[AlanMoore]

You won't be allowed a toddler on the ward outside of set visiting times and I doubt your mum either - only birth partners. Please phone and check, don't just turn up mob handed which will upset dd and inconvenience busy staff having to deal with you all.
She will be fine, she is going to have to get used to less attention very soon anyway!

[BlueberryHill]

No way, I left early so didn't see DS on the day at all, he came in the next day once I had recovered a bit. DS was fine and had a great time with my parents.

I waited most of the day and went in in the afternoon, after being there since 7 am. Any emergencies have priority, obviously, so it could be late when they see you. My DH ate kit kats in front of me, it is dull, dull, dull. Then post CS, you feel a bit shit, it may be late in the day, there are loads of checks. I just kept it with DH and I. It is just one day.

[lotsofcheese]

Absolutely not! Having had 2 c-sections, I would say that the day of the surgery & the next day are a write off: for example you will be catheterised for 24 hours post-operatively, probably using a wheelchair (if you can actually get up out your bed), on fairly strong painkillers.

Maybe do a trial run with your mum beforehand so you feel confident?

[Mummy252]

My dr said 2 nights should be fine and possibly 1 night if I'm ok and went to theatre early. I know she can't be with me overnight, dh will be back looking after her in the evenings but I want her with me and as involved as possible. I have my post-op 2 days before the actual day so I have all these questions that I want answering but realistically before 2 days before the section.
Dh works away so dd really is used to it being me and her so is not going to find this easy. She knows mummy has a baby in her belly and the doctor needs to get him out so mummy will have "a boo boo" when he comes on her tummy. She's really switched on and I think the more she sees the more she will understand rather than just keeping her away. If that makes sense.
I know that a section is the best choice for me as last time I couldn't walk for nearly 6 weeks! If that happened again I can't imagine how I would cope!! But there's this annoying little voice in my head saying it might not happen and I might have a perfectly normal birth and be home and running round the next day!! (My sisters all had labours under 5 hours, no tears and no epidurals with all theirs!! :() but I know that it would be a huge gamble for me. I just hate the idea if being away from her! Think as it gets closer I'm just dreading that more and more!!
I'm not scared of the operation. They can do what they want to me!! I just want to be up and about and there for dd to make this transition as easy as possible!!

[MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour]

In my local hospital children aren't allowed on the antenatal ward and delivery suite, and only on the postnatal ward at set times so it would be a nonissue

You should check with the midwives before you decide, it would be very upsetting for your dd if you took her and they made her leave

[MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour]

I also think it would be very unfair on other women who might be scared/labouring/in pain to have a toddler around

[EuroShaggleton]

Can you do some warm up attempts at having your mum put her to bed before you go in? If not, it will be very stressful.

[rubyslippers]

i honestly think that she shouldn't be involved with it

she will see you prepped and with a drip etc - she may well find it distressing apart from the fact that she wouldn't be allowed to stay with you

Let your mum have her and make that into an exciting adventure for your DD

[doublecakeplease]

I don't think it would be a suitable environment for her at all, even if they let her be there which i very much doubt. It's not appropriate - i had an emcs but still had to wait (6sections in our hospital that day - 3 planned, 3 emcs)
the first planned was pushed back from 9am to 9pm! I was stressed and frightened and wouldn't have thanked anyone for having a toddler there. Sorry if that sounds harsh though!!

[givemeaclue]

She won't be allowed in to the delivery suite.

Why would you want your child as involved as possible in major surgery?

[Mummy252]

We did a trial of dh taking dd to bed. After an hour of "mama" and tears we gave up! Dd never cries going to sleep! It was horrendous!
She will be fine with my mum in the day, she has spent a few hours alone with mum before, I just worry that having not seen me in the day she will be ten times worse at night with dh and be terribly unhappy. The idea of her going to sleep so upset kills me.

I knew I was going to feel like this the second they mentioned c-sections. Like I said I know after last time it's the sensible option and 2 days isn't that bad (trust me I will be out in 2 days if I have to crawl!) but I am finding myself just wishing labor would start and I could do 90% of it at home and just go in when I absolutely needed to and be back out ASAP too but like I said last time I was barely able to walk for 6 weeks so whilst the idea of a good natural labor sounds perfect the actuality might be somewhat different!
With dd I had an emergency forceps delivery after 46hr labor and they tore everything!! I had to go to theatre to be stitched up and they tore right into my back passage! I was a huge mess and had to have 2 blood transfusions!!
FYI I was out if hospital after 2 nights!! I hate hospitals!! But was pretty useless for a long time after!!

[Cravingdairy]

I personally think it would be an idea to plan for your DD and your mum to spend the day together having a lovely time.

[BlueberryHill]

I understand that you have lots of hopes and fears about your birth but I think you are being so unrealistic about having your DD with you whilst waiting for and recovering from a CS. I have had two CSs and I think it is a barking idea. Sorry to be blunt, but it is abdominal surgery, would you have your DD with you whilst you underwent surgery? It is only a couple of days, I'd plan for being in more than 1 night just in case.

As others have said the ward is unlikely to allow it, but it is so unrealistic to expect a 21 mo to hang around on a ward all day, if I was waiting for my CS I would be so annoyed about it.

[rubyslippers]

your DD is going to have to get used to sharing you a lot more as soon as you have the second baby

she won't be able to hold and have your immediate attention 24/7 - that's the reality

you can do things to include her in the arrival of her new sibling to make it a positive transition

she may well go to bed upset but your DH is her parent too - it's really ok and is a good thing that they both get used to this before the second child arrives

[freddiemisagreatshag]

I think you're being unfair to anyone else who might be in the unit at the same time as you.

And you need to get your DD used to having less of you - you'll have a baby to attend to, and your DH won't be at home for ever.

How about trying for the next two weeks to get her used to it being Daddy sometimes?

[BlueberryHill]

First time I was in for 5 nights, DS had jaundice so needed to stay in, nothing major but we needed to stay in. You may not have any choice about leaving after 1 / 2 nights. Agree with Freddie, try to get your DD more used to your DM and DH. It is a positive thing for her to have relationships with others also.

[givemeaclue]

Do you think that she will be allowed to stay at night?

To be honest, you have had nine months to prep your daughter for this , it all seems a bit last minute drama that you can't possibly be parted from you child so she must accompany you to an unsuitable environment

[Ashoething]

It wont be allowed-end off. My friend took her toddler and dh as they have no other family in country. She ended up with a c section and they sent dh and toddler home-she had op all alone.

Use this time to encourage your dd to form bonds with others. At 2 years of age and with a new baby imminent then you are doing her no favours otherwise.

[Mummy252]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think it's really what I expected.
Dd will be fine with my mum during the day, she has done this before for a few hours.
It's really the overnight thing I am worried about as she has never been away from me overnight, and as I said our trial run of daddy putting her to bed did not go well. It's something very foreign to her so I think it's really this I am worried about. I hate the idea of letting her down and leaving her to be unhappy and confused about where mummy is and what's happening.
As I said I have lots of questions which I would ask my dr at the pre op but its only 2 days prior to the csection itself and some questions I would like answering prior to that.

I know really its just something that we have got to do. And at the end of it we will have a baby brother for dd!
I think I just feel frustrated that my body is so useless at pregnancy and labor!! I'm super healthy and there's no reason for all these problems! I guess I'm
Just used to pushing my body wether its in marathons or whatever and I expect it to work, it's just so strange to want something and have your body just fail miserably and there's nothing you can do about it!!

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

But, OP, however much you want to involve her and not be parted from her, the reality is that you're going to have a newborn who will be totally dependent on you for all its needs. Your DD is going to have to take a backseat, isn't she. I know the benefit of hindsight is great, but I think it may have been an idea to prepare her a bit more by spending time with DH/your mum without you as now it's all a bit last minute. Good luck with your new baby.

[Mummy252]

I didn't think she would be allowed to stay overnight, I just meant she could be with us during visiting hours which are 12-6pm at our hospital, or they were when I had her!

[BlueberryHill]

Your body isn't failing, it is producing a baby, it is just coming out slightly differently. It will be a nervous day for you as well, give yourself and your new baby a break.

As for letting your daughter down, she isn't going to remember in a couple of months. Try to prepare now to make is a bit easier for all and so that you can worry less about it on the day, you will have enough to do then. Good luck