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Please help me, feeling so down

(55 Posts)
iwanticecream Mon 08-Apr-13 16:12:44

Right, will try not to make this too long.

I had a c section with my dd almost 13 years ago. I had an extreme fear of natural birth which wasn't helped by some appaling and humiliating treatment in my pregnancy. After I broke down and had a panic attack during an examination at 31 weeks, I was finally seen by a consultant who agreed to a section, which was wonderful, no probs.

I have had such a fear that I have waited all these years to try again. Panic that has gripped me in the night for years. Am now 11 weeks.

I have hired a private midwife, have seen her once, she know my fears, has said she'd help me re a repeat section but at the moment she's proving to be as useless as a chocolate teapot really, already thinking that i've chucked 3k down the drain, but I can't be at the mercy of a hospital midwife team again.

She is now saying that the 3 hospitals she contacted will push me for a VBAC and will probably not agree to a second section on my request.

I am thinking of terminating this pregnancy, I cannot have a natrual birth, I don't know what to do.

herethereandeverywhere Tue 09-Apr-13 13:53:49

Your private GP should be able to refer you BUT you still need the booking in appointment and that will guarantee the referral.

RubyrooUK Tue 09-Apr-13 14:08:37

I think Herethere gives excellent advice.

I understand that you have chosen private healthcare after such a negative experience 13 years ago.

But as many people on this thread have pointed out, NHS midwives can be very supportive of c sections and so can consultants in the NHS.

And if you are having the birth within the NHS, you may be better off interacting with the hospital for all crucial points, giving them the information to help you get the birth you want. It is hard for a consultant to appreciate the severity of your previous trauma if the only contact is through a private midwife.

As someone else says, it is also unlikely that hospitals have time to discuss your case in detail with a private midwife. They may well have simply said "oh well we would want her to have a vaginal delivery". The guidance from the hospital that you post is not the same as having a tailored conversation about your case with the people involved in your care. It should be totally different when you yourself have a conversation once you have briefed the midwives/consultant on your previous trauma.

As I said before, I had an awful first birth - overdose, fourth degree tear and so on. It was the subject of an investigation.

I had an excellent second birth where I was listened to all the way. All the midwives and consultant were incredibly supportive. This was all NHS. Everyone looked at my notes and was incredibly kind.

I feel so much for you, but I don't think you will necessarily meet the resistance you expect to your section. As another poster said, I know of no-one who really wanted a section who didn't receive one.

iwanticecream Tue 09-Apr-13 14:12:15

Thanks rubyroo.

At first, I didn't expect there to be so much opposition.

But then the midwife said to me that we will 'have a fight on our hands' getting an elective section and such (she still works within the NHS herself). SHe has scared me shitless.

I am so confused about everything.

herethereandeverywhere Tue 09-Apr-13 14:25:42

That midwife is doing nothing for your state of mind.

You WILL need to take active steps to get the CS but it WILL be possible. She should be acting as your supporter and enabler, if she is not doing this you should really get rid of her unless you think her service is going to be improved by confronting her with the inadequacies in the support she has provided so far.

LilyAmaryllis Tue 09-Apr-13 14:27:30

You have got to get rid of that midwife. You don't trust her. When it comes to pre-birth, birth, post-birth.. you need to be with someone you trust. Ditch her now, surely she can refund lots (as you'd expect most of the work to be late pregnancy onwards?!)

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