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Induction Friday - so upset feel like a failure

(48 Posts)
Bringbring Thu 07-Mar-13 02:08:08

That's it really, feel like a complete failure for not being able to start labour naturally. I'm 41+4 and induction is booked for Friday 41+5.

This is my first pregnancy, I've been fairly healthy and enjoyed it although the past 2/3 weeks have been hard with spd. I never thought I would go overdue as I have short cycles and have done all the long walks/clary sage/curry/pineapple nonsense. I suppose I'm not used to failure and I have control freak tendencies.

I have an old hip ligament injury which I am petrified will be made worse by a non active, epidural birth. Right from the start I'd made my peace with a painful but active labour. My husband doesn't seem to understand that induced labours come with increased risks for further interventions. I've never been ill or stayed in hospital so the thought of 2-3 days seems like my kind of hell, I can't even sleep on aeroplanes nevermind in a ward of strangers.

I've had two sweeps, about 25%effaced, 1-2cms dilated, with a bit of mucus. If I'm honest I don't think labour is close.

I'm so frightened that there will be lasting damage from an induction. I know it will be harder because I'm so tense. I'm also worried that because I'll be in over the weekend I won't have access to the consultants. I can't stop crying, I've pissed off my husband because I'm so negative and maternity support is negliable around here (midwives don't call back, had to check I was booked in for induction myself). Just need to vent, feel so alone.

goodjambadjar Thu 07-Mar-13 16:32:34

Blueberry upside down, I was exactly the same! it was like..."oh, that won't happen to me!" but it did. but she's here now and amazing. you do what you have to to get them here safe.
Good luck tomorrow OP. x

UsedToBeAPixie Thu 07-Mar-13 17:13:25

You haven't failed! On the contrary you've obviously over-achieved at making a comfy home for your baby and he doesn't want to leave... wink

I went 10 days over and I was climbing the walls. I got induced and still had my active birth - just paracetamol and gas&air, birth pool etc. but then the cord was round neck and arms so I had to have a ventouse in the end. It wasn't what I had hoped, I wanted to stay in the pool, but I don't feel like I failed at all - I told myself every day that there was no point getting my heart set on the pool, just in case...

Get used to the non-achievement feeling - I work in a high-pressure, results driven environment and 7mths after DS was born I still have to list "putting the Tesco delivery away" as an achievement in my day. Being a mum is the biggest achievement, but it's an odd feeling if you're used to being in control and getting things done; and to be honest it's what I'm looking forward to when I return in a couple of weeks - a to-do list with lots of ticks!!

KatieMiddleton Thu 07-Mar-13 19:23:33

How are you feeling op? Did you manage to talk to anyone?

<hopes op has not been back because she's gone into spontaneous labour>

learnermummy Thu 07-Mar-13 20:06:04

You haven't failed at all, but don't be pressured into an induction. With DS2 the hospital really tried to scare me into an induction, but I didn't want it so refused and agreed to daily monitoring from 40+10. Eventually agreed to induction at 42+3, but delivered naturally at 42+2. I did have a couple of sweeps which definitely helped, but cervix was favourable. Try and relax if you can and agree with earlier poster that perhaps if you put it off til Monday you'll surprise yourself over the weekend smile

sw11mumofone Thu 07-Mar-13 20:56:38

I was induced with my first. I really didn't want it either and waited until 42 weeks and then just decided she really wasn't going to come by herself. I cant say that I had a great birth. She really wasn't ready to come out despite me being so overdue. However, even though it was long, not active at all and with plenty of intervention, I ended up with a healthy baby to take home. Afterwards I realised this was the most important outcome. And also, just because you have an induction doesn't mean you will be in hospital for days and days. I was there for 2 days and 2 nights. And 95% of that time was the birth process. Yes I had to have an epidural (needed maximum drip and they wouldn't do that without an epidural) and then a ventouse delivery. However, I gave birth at 2am and was discharged before midday that same day. I was affected psychologically by the induction because it wasn't what I'd wanted but my physical recovery was really easy and both me and DD left that hospital in good shape.
I think you have to see past the birth and realise that leaving that hospital in one piece yourself and with a healthy baby is the most important thing.
You definitely haven't failed. Some people just have longer pregnancies. I am now 41 weeks exactly with DC2 and the next induction is booked for tuesday! yes I would love to go into labour naturally but if it doesn't happen I'm just going to have to get my head around it. And as my midwife said, at least they can induce you these days. For those people who just wouldn't go into labour naturally, the outcome was pretty bleak a few decades ago.
Good luck - I hope it all works out well for you. x

Bringbring Thu 07-Mar-13 21:10:58

I'm back! No spontaneous labour and no signs it's impending.

I'm still ambivalent but I'm going in for the induction tomorrow. However, I still don't know if I'll end up asking for expectant management. I'm going to see how I feel on the day.

Fingers crossed - thank you so much for all the posts. They have really helped me make sense of the situation.

KatieMiddleton Thu 07-Mar-13 21:35:40

The very best advice I have for all things birth is this: hope for the best, plan for the worst and make your own decisions so you feel in control... and remember that a large part of it is luck.

I think seeing how you feel on the day sounds really sensible. Try and get a goodnight's sleep and try not to think about it until tomorrow. Do something tonight to please yourself.

Remember to update with your birth announcement smile

breatheslowly Thu 07-Mar-13 21:42:06

I know that this may go completely against the grain or may not be of interest to you, but I wish that someone had suggested asking for an ELCS rather than continuing down the induction route. If it is something you are interested in then try to get a consultant to ask.

Flisspaps Thu 07-Mar-13 21:43:17

I think Katie has given some good advice here.

If you feel ambivalent tomorrow, then don't feel that you may as well go along with it just because you're there.

If you want to turn around and go home, then it is your choice.

If you want to stay and crack on with it, then it is your choice.

It's not up to the consultants, or the midwives. It's not up to your DH. If you're not 100% sure, then that may well affect how you labour anyway - being stressed and anxious hinders labour, even if it's induced. I was ambivalent about my induction with DD but went ahead with the induction at 40+15 - I am certain that I was so wound up about being induced that my body couldn't ever relax enough to go into labour naturally.

With DS, I decided that however long I was pregnant for, I wasn't being induced just because I went over an estimated date and I went into spontaneous labour.

Best of luck, whatever you decide.

ISpyPlumPie Thu 07-Mar-13 22:16:09

I really feel for you - I was almost two weeks overdue with DS1 and they were a long two weeks. Was induced at 40+12 with all trhe anxieties you listed and do you know what? It was absolutely fine. I had one pessary which started things off so no drip. I didn't have continuous monitoring either so was free to move around. I found Tens and gas&air were fine for pain relief and 9lb 2oz DS1 was born without me needing a single stitch.

Think it was still in the back of my mind that maybe I couldn't go into labour sponatneously and despite DS1s birth being fine, was a bit anxious about this second time round as I really wanted a home birth. Was therefore quite surprised when DS2 arrived at 39+4, 12 hours after I'd left the office for mat leave (had thought there was no point finishing any earlier as I was bound to go overdue again!) So, even if you are induced this time it's no indication of what might happen in future.

I remember feeling like a failure too but now realise that this isn't true - you've grown another human being, which is no mean feat.

Good luck smile.

FadBook Sat 09-Mar-13 20:04:38

How did you get on OP?

MrsMargoLeadbetter Sun 10-Mar-13 20:59:46

Thinking of you OP. Let us know how you got on if you feel up to it.

Bringbring Mon 11-Mar-13 02:10:59

I'm back witha beautiful baby! ( who was overdue and needed lots of help to get out!) who is happily on my boob right now.

Ok, I would never have picked the induction process but it was a positive experience.

Had a number of fantastic midwives ( who gave me a private room, let me see if contractions kicked in after waters were broken, vigorous sweeps etc) but nothing worked so I had to go on the drip after 48 hours with only a couple of hours sleep. But it all worked out fine in the end with a labour of five and a half hours (although i did do 11 hours of painful dilation before this).

Next time, possibly I would look at elective Caesarian as an option, there were a few people on the induction ward (pre-eclampsia,failure to progress etc) who seemed to be railroaded into induction when a surgical intervention would be more appropriate.

If I had my time again, with my circumstances,I would choose induction so long as I recieved the same level of care. I would advise others to look at monitoring as well as c-sections.

It was bonkers to think that I had failed just because I didn't go into spontaneous labour. In the end, I would have done anything to birth my baby safely. I would advise others to see the positives of inductions; you get a nominated midwife throughout delivery, additional scans, checks and monitoring and first dibs on epidurals!

justmuddlingalong Mon 11-Mar-13 02:20:59

[Big grin] CONGRATULATIONS!!! I have 3 beautiful sons all born after being induced, all with fantastic care and attention from midwives etc. I'm glad you had a positive experience and hope you and your new family enjoy each other!

KatieMiddleton Mon 11-Mar-13 02:31:18

Hooray! Well done you!

Congratulations thanks

KatieMiddleton Mon 11-Mar-13 02:36:22

<whispers> you're allowed to be a bit bonkers in late pregnancy. Feeling a failure about something you can't control is understandable but the road to madness if you dwell on it. So pleased you're happy and felt good about your birth!

I did love your advice to consider elcs, monitoring and induction. ie everything grin

goodjambadjar Mon 11-Mar-13 06:48:14

Aw, so happy for you, and that they're latching OK. (doesn't always happen!)
It was all worth it then? grin
Best of luck, does your heart feel ready to explode yet? grin

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Mon 11-Mar-13 06:53:41

Well done you

FadBook Mon 11-Mar-13 08:48:09

Congratulations Bringbring! Very pleased everything worked out in the end. Enjoy these first few weeks getting to know your baby; it really is an amazing time - expect tears of joy every day <whispers> I used to just look at DD and cry!

ISpyPlumPie Mon 11-Mar-13 09:39:53

Congratulations thanks. So pleased everything worked out well for you.

Flisspaps Mon 11-Mar-13 11:06:15

Congratulations grin

cakebaby Mon 11-Mar-13 11:36:44

<sneakily wipes away a few tears>, congratulations you all! Like your advice re monitoring & elcs, which would be my preferred option.
Soooo delighted for you! grin

BartletForTeamGB Mon 11-Mar-13 18:05:06

Well done and congratulations!

I was induced because of complications at 39 weeks with DD2 a few weeks ago and it was a lovely experience. Yes, the drip does crank up the contractions and it does hurt a wee bit shock smile, but it was a really positive experience. I had an unmedicated home birth with my DS and can't say that it was any more lovely!

Bit worried to see people saying that being post-dates isn't a medical reason for being induced though. The reason for inducing women past their due date is because the risk of stillbirth starts to climb significantly from 10 days past your due date. They don't just induce women for a laugh!

If other people are reading this thread considering postponing an induction, read through the RCOG guidelines on induction and the paper below for balanced research on the risks of both induction and expectant management:

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