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Induction Friday - so upset feel like a failure

(48 Posts)
Bringbring Thu 07-Mar-13 02:08:08

That's it really, feel like a complete failure for not being able to start labour naturally. I'm 41+4 and induction is booked for Friday 41+5.

This is my first pregnancy, I've been fairly healthy and enjoyed it although the past 2/3 weeks have been hard with spd. I never thought I would go overdue as I have short cycles and have done all the long walks/clary sage/curry/pineapple nonsense. I suppose I'm not used to failure and I have control freak tendencies.

I have an old hip ligament injury which I am petrified will be made worse by a non active, epidural birth. Right from the start I'd made my peace with a painful but active labour. My husband doesn't seem to understand that induced labours come with increased risks for further interventions. I've never been ill or stayed in hospital so the thought of 2-3 days seems like my kind of hell, I can't even sleep on aeroplanes nevermind in a ward of strangers.

I've had two sweeps, about 25%effaced, 1-2cms dilated, with a bit of mucus. If I'm honest I don't think labour is close.

I'm so frightened that there will be lasting damage from an induction. I know it will be harder because I'm so tense. I'm also worried that because I'll be in over the weekend I won't have access to the consultants. I can't stop crying, I've pissed off my husband because I'm so negative and maternity support is negliable around here (midwives don't call back, had to check I was booked in for induction myself). Just need to vent, feel so alone.

Bessie123 Thu 07-Mar-13 02:16:34

You don't have to be induced if you don't want to be. Maybe you could postpone it for a few days?

GoldeneyeDog Thu 07-Mar-13 02:25:27

It's all ok . Lots of us went over our due dates (they are only estimates after all) and nothing bad happened

How are things tonight with you?

Twinklestarstwinklestars Thu 07-Mar-13 02:28:04

I've been induced twice over weekends and there were always consultants about, I was induced on Boxing Day too. I also was in and out in a day first time.

You don't have to have an epidural either, did they say if they are using the drip? I only ever had the pessaries and gave birth within 12 hours both times, a 3 hour labour then a 20 min one and will most likely be induced this time too.

Sleepybunny Thu 07-Mar-13 02:47:04

Hi I was induced and had the same worries about my active natural birth going out the window. The best advice I got was to manage you expectations. There is actually very little we can do to have the ideal birth we want, I know not what u need to hear but I found that I very quickly forgot about the carefully planned details of my active labourand just focused on doing what was best to get my baby here safely.

The cascade of medical intervention doesn't have to kick off either, inductions do and can work. Work with your midwife, tell her loudly what you want at each stage. They will listen! They're not all out to make your life miserable.

Good luck, I was 1-2cm, convinced induction would never work as my body was not 'ready' for labour, and what do you know it worked like a charm.

You are not alone xxx

Bringbring Thu 07-Mar-13 02:48:26

Thanks for the replies. I know I'm on a worse case middle of the night panic scenario with inductions so it is good to balance this up with positive stories.

I honestly don't know if i feel so bad because I've "failed" at going into labour naturally or if I have concerns over induction. I think I just need the uncertainty to stop and for something new to start. I've had a shit time on maternity adjusting from someone who ran a department to someone who considers a two mile walk to be an achievement.

Yes, I could probably have done with more support from husband and the tension is not exactly conductive to helping along labour hormones but I suppose I am ok and there is no reason to say why I won't have a straight forward induction.

TheSkiingGardener Thu 07-Mar-13 02:56:22

Hi. I'm just looking at my 2 day old son, produced as a result of an induction this week. I too am a control freak but I found that the induction process actually meant I felt in control of what they were doing, they can't do anything to you without your consent. I chose to have an epidural and had a wonderful, uncomplicated vaginal birth. DS attracted the attention of the consultants but we didn't need any interventions and they were really careful to make sure I knew all the choices and that nothing unnesecary would be done

My first DS was an induction too. My DH says I just want to be in charge of the process!

I really hope it all goes well for you and that your DH makes a big more of an attempt to understand. Best wishes.

MrsMargoLeadbetter Thu 07-Mar-13 03:52:28

Oh Bringbring please be kind to yourself. It sounds like you have done everything you can to have a healthy pregnancy, none of us can control what our bodies do in labour. Don't use/think the failure word, it really doesn't come in to it.

I wasn't induced but I wanted to say I was strapped to the bed as DS needed to be monitored and he still came out ok. Hopefully you will get the active birth you want, but just to say even lying there was ok.

I also stayed in hospital for a few days as I had needed a transfusion due to blood loss and it was also ok. I did have a private room, is that an option for you? It was actually nice being on my own with little DS, I recall as the hormones block out anything unpleasant it was a nice time. Just take some flipflops for the showers hmm.

I am in London and midwife care here is completely overstretched but like with many aspects I try to manage expectations by thinking, "Oh well, the mat department triage aren't answering the phone, I'll go up there" etc.

I hated the approach to labour. Going on mat leave can be really traumatic in itself. It is so weird, you plan to leave whilst everyone is planning to carry on without you. You suddenly become a mum-to-be without portpolio! And you have no idea what life will be like when he/she arrives. I too have control freak tendencies, so totally understand where you are coming from. It will be ok.

Being 41+ pregnant you are allowed to cry and wallow.

Fingers crossed for the induction.

Flossbert Thu 07-Mar-13 04:15:18

I totally understand where you are coming from, both with regards to feeling 'like a failure' and worrying about the seemingly inevitable cascade of intervention that induction can bring.

I was induced, and the pessary together with a very vigorous second stretch and sweep were enough to get labour started, and I was able to have a water birth in the midwife-led unit. Check with your hospital, but you may not have to be on a bed on delivery ward just because you are being induced.

And with regards to the failure bit, it no longer bothered me one bit once my baby had arrived. Seemed a bit irrelevant and suddenly there were a lot of other things to think about!

Good luck - will be thinking of you xx

Flossbert Thu 07-Mar-13 04:35:34

And try and get some sleep!

goodjambadjar Thu 07-Mar-13 05:02:38

Induction doesn't mean you've failed! Think of it that you have made such a lovely home for bubs that they don't want to leave...they'll wait as long as they can before leaving. My birth plan went completely out the window, I was worried because it was my first one and I had no idea what to expect, so made myself feel better by planning it out. My gas and air/maybe pethedone natural birth became an epidural and emergency c section. And I was also induced or tried to be. I'm probably scaring you a bit, so sorry about that, but you need to prepare yourself for anything. You'll forget the crappy stuff as this amazing person will be your only focus. I felt like a failure for not having a natural birth but these feelings paled into insignificance when I got to meet her for the first time. your DH could be more supportive but boys are a bit rubbish sometimes. Mine wanted a 50s birth where he smoked a cigar in a corridor til the matron told him it was all over! shock Needless to say, neither of us got what we wanted. grin
when it kicks off he'll be a bit better, mine was. They don't get to be the bystander, they can get a bit more involved. (devils advocate)
So relax, don't stress and if you're really worried try and defer it for a couple of days. x

CheeryCherry Thu 07-Mar-13 06:42:50

Maybe try to concentrate on the end ideal birthing plan may as well been screwed up, torn to pieces and burned as I had one dreaded procedure after another... Totally not what I wanted.
However, all you want is your baby out safely, and you both to be well. That is the bottom line. Try to make that your focus. Sod how you get there, imagine that end result. Best of luck. smile

FadBook Thu 07-Mar-13 06:57:05

You're not a failure at all.

I was booked in. Then had acupuncture (with a highly recommended person, specialising in women/fertility /labour). Dd arrived before induction grin

All the best

MrsHoarder Thu 07-Mar-13 07:01:50

Ds was one that didn't want to come out. You aren't a failure, just a bit late.

As for the consultant worry, I went i'm on a Saturday,ds was born on the Tuesday. If you have a "hard" induction it will be a weekday before you actually give birth anyway. If its a case of one pessary and everything happens easily then you're unlikely to need more than a midwife present.

squidkid Thu 07-Mar-13 07:39:27

Oh, I really feel for you. The end of pregnancy is the absolute pits. I found myself doing ridiculous awful things like envying people who gave birth prematurely. My waters actually went at 40+4 but they were the longest 4 days of my LIFE. I absolutely felt like a failure for not going into labour. You must be climbing the walls. Bu the average gestation for first time mums is actually 41 weeks, a midwife friend of mine told me. Totally, totally normal.

My sister was booked in for induction with both her kids - she was very fed up. The first at 40+14 was a quick, straightforward 4 hour vaginal delivery. The second she was found to be in labour when she arrived for her induction! They can be very straightforward.

My hospital didn't offer inductions until 40+14 - you are not technically overdue until then. You could query why it's necessary to do it at 40+12. Every day that passes you are more likely to go into labour naturally. You don't have to accept induction either - most hospitals will offer what is known as "expectant management" where you get daily scans to check the placenta is functioning ok. On the other hand, you may want it over with now. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. x

LaVolcan Thu 07-Mar-13 08:39:47

Why do they want to induce you? Have they given you a medical reason, or is it just because that's what they do? As others point out, not only do hospitals vary in how long they 'allow' you to go over, but full term is regarded as 37-42 weeks so you are not technically overdue yet.

IMO if there is a medical reason, it's sensible to listen and consider their advice. If it's just a protocol, remember they are protocols for the hospital, not binding on you.

You may be worrying needlessly anyway - there must be loads of people on these threads who have been booked for induction but the baby decided for itself that it would like to come out.

louschmoo Thu 07-Mar-13 09:40:26

Hi there. Your and your body haven't failed. Absolutely not. Within nature there is avery wide range of 'normal' (by normal I mean things that happen commonly) and going overdue falls within this range. Loads of women don't go into labour naturally, despite doing the 'right' things. I was induced at 42 weeks. After several hours in labour my baby was found to be coming out face first, not head first, and I had an EMCS. I will be forever grateful that I had this option and didn't have to spend hours/days in agony trying to push out a malpresented baby. Who knows - if I'd gone for more walks or spent more time on all fours it could have been different. But in addition my son was only 6lb 8oz when born. So I figure he needed the extra cooking time and his awkward position was his way of making sure he didn't come too early smile. Despite the intervention (actually probably because of it) I had a good birth, a healthy child and a good recovery and I'm sure you will too.

MyNameIsAnAnagram Thu 07-Mar-13 09:48:41

I know exactly how you feel, I felt a failure too. I took back control by refusing induction and going for expectant mangement monitoring instead. I went in to labour naturally at exactly 42 weeks. I did end up on the bed with monitors etc, but it was fine becasue I still felt in control over the whole thing.

If I were you and there is no medical reason for induction, it's just "policy" I would talk to your mw about alternatives. I woudn't hesitate to do the same again, it was the right choice for me. My mw also agreed as when she did my sweep at the appointment where I decided to cancel my induction booking she said my cervix was still very unfavourable so induction wasn't likely to work.

mummytime Thu 07-Mar-13 09:56:51

Out of my 3 children, 2 were born the day before the appointment to see the consultant about "options". The other was an Elective caesarian. There is still time.

Bringbring Thu 07-Mar-13 11:27:47

There is no medical reason for the induction, apart from the fact I've totally crippled myself today having gone for a super long brisk walk last night.

Maybe this is something that I just have to accept I can't control. I don't want to discuss it with mw as I can't even get hold of them and I don't feel like I get a proper discussion of risk - it's all what do you want to do? I don't know what i need to do, this is my first time and there are no cold stats available and the quality of care is/has been so variable. That's why I really appreciate everyone sharing their stories on here.

I'm going in tomorrow, I'll tell them I feel ambivalent, I can always refuse the induction and wait until next week.

louschmoo Thu 07-Mar-13 12:30:44

I think it's no bad thing to tell them how you feel and discuss expectant management. You don't have to be induced if you're not comfortable. When I was induced at 42 weeks I was ready to stop being pregnant and meet my baby, I'd finished work at 36 weeks and was sick of waiting, so I was fairly happy to be induced.

I do also think it's a good idea to try and come to terms with the idea that birth is something you have limited control over. You can try to 'set the scene' and it's good to be clear about what interventions you are comfortable with, but ultimately birth is about you and your baby. And your baby might disagree with you and your preferences!

N0tinmylife Thu 07-Mar-13 12:41:02

I think if you can accept you can't control this, you will find the birth a lot easier mentally. Induction doesn't have to be a bad thing. I was the same as you, in that I had tried all the things that are meant to encourage labour to start, with not the slightest success. It felt like DS wanted to stay in there forever!

In the event though, I had one pessary, the night I went in. It didn't really feel like it had done much, but it was enough that they could break my waters at 2 pm the next day, and DS was born at about 7 pm that evening. I did need ventouse, as he got stuck towards the end, but I asked for that, and it was a positive experience.

The important thing is that within a few days you will get to meet your baby, how you get to that point, really isn't that important!

KatieMiddleton Thu 07-Mar-13 13:01:05

Could you ask if you could postpone the induction until Monday? Then just stop thinking about it until Monday morning. Give yourself a bit of a rest and take the pressure off.

If it was me (and I say this with the benefit of hindsight and no knowledge of your situation beyond what you've posted) I would postpone and plan some none birth stuff in. A nice lunch, a pedicure, a massage... whatever floats your boat. Once the baby arrives you will be busy and sleep deprived so teat yourself now.

Plenty of hospitals wait until 42 weeks before contemplating induction. You can ask to be monitored if you're worried about placenta function. You can also call NCT helpline to talk through your options. They are trained and should be giving evidenced based information. You can also ask for a meeting with the midwife or your consultant and ask specific questions. I would write them down, things like: what is the risk if we wait until 42 +2 vs 41+5? What is the actual risk for me based on my personal circumstances?

I can identify with the control issue because I'm a massive control freak. I have made a conscious decision that I cannot control A, B, C so I will stop trying to plan that but instead I will respond within the parameters of x, y and z. It helps smile

Btw I had horrendous SPD with my second baby. I laboured on the birthing ball (still possible with continuous monitoring and drip) and them got in the pool. I didn't notice the SPD when in labour and felt instantly better after the birth so you might too? Also an induction does not necessarily mean flat on your back hooked up to machines. You can start with a pessary and see how you go. Or have the epidural at same time as induction. But do talk through your options if you need to and try NCT until you can get hold of your midwife.

Good luck smile

MoonHare Thu 07-Mar-13 16:11:44

My 3rd baby arrived at 41+5 of her own accord. I was booked in for an induction the following day and was certain there was no way she was coming before then - but she did!

I completely understand how you feel, I was very down about it too in the days leading up to my daughter's birth but truly even if you kick off with induction once your baby is in your arms the emotional agony of waiting will be totally forgotten.

I agree with other posters who suggest postponing your induction until Monday. Unless you've been told there's a medical reason. Almost all babies are born by 42 weeks.

Best wishes

blueberryupsidedown Thu 07-Mar-13 16:20:01

The is no such thing as failure in any stages of pregnancy and birth. It is very stressful, and you are probably very hormonal, but please please this is just how things are, it is not your fault, it's not because you have done something wrong. You can postpone the induction for a few days (although personally, I wouldn't recommend it based on my own experience).

Also, be prepared for all the outcomes - including emergency c section. When I was pregnant, I read lots of books about birth and skipped all the pages about c secs because there was no reason why it would happen to me. and guess what, I had an emergency c sec and didn't know what to expect and felt like a complete twat because I had skipped the pages and wasn't prepared for it. There are lots of positive stories about c sections too and I will remember the birth of both my kids by emergency c secs (yes, both!) with lots of positive feelings, lots tears of happiness, etc. There is no such thing as a failure. Please let us know how you feel now and how things are progressing.

big hugs.

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