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please help me to get it together for my constant apt on Weds.

(39 Posts)
IBlameThePenguins Sun 24-Feb-13 20:50:23

Hi, I'm 36 + 3 with baby number 2. I had a horrible birth with my DD -Very long labour, with DD getting progressively more distressed, and ending with episiotomy and ventouse. The Consultant I had was terrifuing, and didn't once tell me before examining me (including when he stuck his finger up my bum). My stitches never healed, and I had an op when Dd was 6mnths old to remove all of the scar tissue, and cuaterise (sp?) the area.

I was assaulted about a year before I fell pregnant and after she was born, I sufferred awful flashbacks, which sort of merged into flashbacks of the birth aswell. I had post natal anxiety and mild depression, because of all of this.

Anyway (thank you if you are still following) I managed to discus all of this with my MW a little while ago, and she has referred me to a consultant to discus C-section, or ?perennial care if i'd rather. I have totally buried my head in the sand about getting this baby out, but have been getting so anxious about Wednesday I really need to get my head together. I'm pretty sure i'd like to plump for a C-section, but am scared they'll make me fight for it, and that i'll fall to pieces at the apt.

I'm not sure why I posted really, but I would really welcome any advice, especially when it comes to requesting c-section.

Sorry this turned out to be so long, and thank you if you managed it all.

piprabbit Wed 27-Feb-13 16:20:48

I'm so glad you got the outcome you want, well done for sticking to your guns and talking it through with the MW - but furious that the consultant was so bloody awful. I'm sure he has got an objective to reduce the number of c-sections - but he wasn't listening to you about your needs. I wish I knew why consultants seem to have zero empathy for their patients in so many situations.

I had many internals when I was expecting DC1 - the only one that left me bleeding, in tears and white and shaking from shock was the one the consultant did. The MW ones were all fine.

fishandlilacs Wed 27-Feb-13 17:04:31

Hurrah, all of this can be forgetten now, you have the outcome and even though the consultant was awful, you stuck to your guns. Good luck with the c sec I hope you get a speedy recovery. Newborn cuddles soon!

myrubberduck Wed 27-Feb-13 21:20:46

Tell him that if you suffer any ill effects whatsoever following a vaginal delivery you will sue; and that you feel so much better knowing that the risk of that happening will be shared between you both; you physically and him professionally ;)

myrubberduck Wed 27-Feb-13 21:21:33

Sorry ignore last post ; I see you got it smile

IBlameThePenguins Wed 27-Feb-13 22:06:32

Piprabbit, that's horrendous... It makes me so angry that it is the case in this day and age :-(

fishandlilac , the thoughts of newborn cuddles are what's got me through :-)

myrubberduck, How I wish I'd said that! Brilliant!

Thanks again wonderful women of MN. XX

AmandaPayne Wed 27-Feb-13 22:15:26

IBlame - I don't blame you at all if you don't feel up to it. But if you do, consider putting in a written complaint about the way your were spoken to. That is appalling, and the consultant concerns needs someone to say so, very loudly, so that it is noticed and acted upon. I am so cross to think about him doing that to woman after woman.

RubyrooUK Wed 27-Feb-13 22:18:28

Very happy for you Penguins.

I can't understand why on earth a consultant would say to you that it was his job to persuade you not to have a c-section. I was under the impression they were there to oversee your care in whatever manner was needed! I always felt my consultant genuinely had my best interests as a patient at heart.

I'm glad you were able to explain your points clearly to the midwife who was able to advocate for you.

Your c-section is a week after mine, so I look forward to seeing you here soon with me moaning about sleep deprivation.....grin

RubyrooUK Wed 27-Feb-13 22:24:55

And actually I agree with Amanda about your treatment by this consultant.

Don't get me wrong, I think it is fine for doctors to discuss different birthing options with patients. If vaginal births are the default for most people, talking through options of how someone could give birth are fine. But I do not think it is fine to dismiss someone's trauma with "get over it".

As I said before, the doctor I saw was happy to approve a c-section for medical reasons. He told me that if I was keen to have a vaginal birth, they would try to manage it for me to ensure the best outcome. But in his view, a c-section was the best option for me physically. That seems to me a reasonable conversation; not one where a patient's genuine concerns are minimised.

AmandaPayne Wed 27-Feb-13 22:28:39

Exactly (sorry about the typos in the previous post). It is not ok to tell a traumatised woman to 'deal with it'. It is not ok to make a woman beg for appropriate medical treatment. It is not ok for a doctor to act with so little human compassion for a patient. If you feel up to it, a complaint would be investigated and, at the vest least, this consultant would have to sit down and tell a manager just why he thought that this behaviour was ok. Which might even make him think twice before doing it again.

IBlameThePenguins Fri 01-Mar-13 09:43:01

Hi all, so sorry for late reply. I think I needed some time just to process everything.

I agree. You are totally right about the behaviour of the consultant. I said to DH that if I was not relatively well read up, or if I was less articulate I would have just been totally railroaded regardless of what was best for me.

It's tricky, as I live on an island, so very limited choice of consultants, and I also work for the trust. I had thought that I will definitely write in total praise of the amazing midwife, and I had kind of thought I would note the contrast in the treatment I received from the consultant, and maybe suggest further training, particularly in dealing with women who have suffered abuse. Comments like hits can undo a LOT of hard work in coming to terms with something like that.

It seems to me that a lot of these consultants are shielded by how vulnerable we are at the time of seeing them. I think women rarely feel strong enough to complain at times like this, which allows it to continue, so I will definitely register my unease with his lack of professionalism.

I'm rambling now... just thinking out loud I suppose. but thank you for helping me to clarify what I was already thinking. The good news is that, for the first time this pregnancy I am excited about the birth and snuggling my little bundle! Eeeek!

Good luck rubyroo I will be keeping my eye out for your news! xx

GingerJulep Fri 01-Mar-13 14:24:32

I'm pleased that you have the outcome you were looking for.

In fairness to the consultant he was suggesting what was, quite possibly, the best option for your child from a physical view point. When it became clear that you had a mental issue beyond his capabilities he went and got you someone who could understand and empathise with you.

Even coming up with preferences for a birth in your own head, where you have a very clear idea of what mental state you are in, is a difficult balancing act. I'm sure it wasn't fun to go through but your consultant this time around got you both the midwife you felt comfortable with AND the outcome you wanted. That isn't really bad going.

MedicalEd Fri 01-Mar-13 15:02:02

Only just seen this thread OP, am glad you got the outcome you wanted.
But I am so furious with that consultant. It is definitely not his job to convince you not to have a section, it is his job to do what is best for you and your baby. And to just say 'get over it' is heartless, demeaning and very poor practice.
If you have the strength after the birth, I would complain about him.
Good luck with the section and enjoy snuggling your newborn.

IBlameThePenguins Fri 01-Mar-13 15:49:30

I do appreciate what you're saying ginger but did find some of his comments to be rather unprofessional and uneducated at best. I was really hoping top go for a discussion, but just got a 'rape's not so bad' stonewalling, which was tough!

Thanks medicaled I plan to spend this weekend getting all the baby bits together, and buying all the practical stuff... Not long now! Hurrah! x

RubyrooUK Fri 01-Mar-13 17:34:00

Hm, not sure I agree Ginger.

I think the best thing for the majority of people is likely to be a vaginal birth. So I think it is totally right for doctors to present all the options and discuss them with patients. A friend of mine who wanted a c-section decided after discussing it with her consultant that actually she would prefer a vaginal birth, especially once the consultant explained very thoroughly how they would help her though it to avoid complications. It was a good outcome.

But if I had a woman telling me of post-birth surgery, flashbacks relating to assault causes by vaginal injuries, I'd never suggest they "deal with it". My own consultant was incredibly sympathetic when we had a similar conversation. I felt like he was thinking of the best thing for the baby AND me.

Yes, Penguins' doctor got the midwife so it was good that he acknowledged that more needed to be done to help Penguins make her point. Still doesn't mean he should have dismissed a birth that induced post-assault flashbacks saying "deal with it".

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