Anyone else struggling to deal with a crash caesarean?

[nzmaree]

My dd2 is 11 weeks old and was born by crash caesarean

[MmeLinDude]

I had one 8 years ago and struggled for a long time with it.

I wish I was MNetting back then, as I would have sought help earlier. Speak to your GP or Health Visitor - I think some places offer trauma counselling after a crash CS.

It doesn't help when everyone says things like, 'oh, well. Never mind, at least she is here now, and you are all right'.

Did you have a GA?

[YouScroogeYouLose]

My ds is 6 months born by crash cs. It does get better slowly

[YouScroogeYouLose]

Share the story if you like and think it will help.

[parsnipcake]

I had one under GA 18 years ago, and was misdiagnosed with pnd, whereas it was mor post traumatic stress I think. Speak to your hv and gp as there is help Out there - trauma counselling etc. please get some help as it makes life so much easier. In the meantime, when your baby is napping try to do some relaxation exercises - there are apps and things on YouTube, it definitely helps.

[ZogandMog]

I had a crash section nearly five months ago. It does get better but I think its a case of taking things one day at a time really. I find it hard talking about it in real life (I have panic attacks when I'm asked about the birth).

[foreignmummy]

Trying to get the hang of this mumsnet thingy and have now changed my nickname! My baby girl was delivered by crash caesarean 11 weeks ago and I am struggling to deal with it. The hospital were amazing and when they realised her heartrate was dropping they had me under a general anaesthetic and her out within 10 minutes. She had the cord wrapped twice around her neck but thankfully has suffered no ill effects.

I also have a 2 year old and was lucky enough to have a straightforward labour with her and was expecting the same again (hopefully shorter!) I remember every amazing (but painful!)moment of her birth so clearly and am I'm struggling to deal with the fact that I don't have and never will have those very precious memories with dd2.

I too hate it when people say 'at least she's ok, that's the main thing'. Of course it is but that doesn't stop me feeling cheated out of those special memories. I am bitter that I didn't hear her first cry, wasn't the first to hold her and can't really remember clearly the moment I found out she was a girl and held and fed her for the first time as I was so woozy from the GA.

I don't know anyone else who has had a CC so just wanted to hear that I am not alone in feeling this way
xx

[KittyMcAllister]

I had an emergency section with my DS (now 3), he also became ill soon after birth which didn't help - I felt v traumatized & a failure. I had a great health visitor who arranged for me to have counselling with a specialist midwife. Really, really helped - she had access to my notes and so could talk me through the whole birth and the feelings it had brought up. Hope there's something like that in your area op.

[TeaDr1nker]

Were you offered a 6 week follow up appt to go through your notes with someone?

Your hospital may have a specialist MW who deals with bereavement (ours does) that offers councilling.

You may also want to contact the head of dept and ask her to go through your notes with you.

You may also wish to contact the Nursing
Midwifery Council who can put you in touch with a Supervisor of Midwives in your area, again they are there to help you understand your notes, go through them with you so you can understand and therefore hopefully come to terms with what happened to you.

I would add anyone can have access to their maternity notes for up to 25 years after the birth and you can ask for a MW to go through them with you.

It must be a horrid situation but as others have said, time and councilling helps.

[MmeLinDude]

Oh, yes. I had those same feelings.

I do feel sad that I missed my DS's arrival, and although it is a cliché and you might not want to hear yet, it does get easier. I have had so many other firsts cause he arrived safely. He is 8yo now, and I am so grateful that I was in a place where they were able to get him out quick.

Was your partner able to see your DD right away? I found concentrating on that helped, that my baby was with my DH and that they had that time to bond.

[YouScroogeYouLose]

My story is similar to yours however very different in other respects. It's long so bear with me!

Ds was 5 weeks early, I went into spontaneous labour and heart beat was literally stopping with each contraction. I was taken in for section under spinal which was a very weird experience in itself. I lay there waiting for him to cry or for nurse to say " he's out" kind of thing but nothing. Then a nurse came in the room and asked dp for a word. He left the room for a good ten minutes. When he came in he was visably shaken and upset. I was majorly panicking by this point. Dp tried to reassure me he was on but I didn't believe him he then left the room again as didn't return. When I was wheeled into recovery I was beyond calm. Dp return and had taken pictures on my phone of ds. At this point he explained that ds had been still born but doctors had fought successfully o rescitate him (thank god ) an this is what he had witnessed when they called him out. Ds also had cord round his neck twice, was very small and I had very little water in womb which had left him wedged unused my ribs he was also breach.

I asked repeatedly to be taken to see him but wa not allowed. Dp then dropped the bombshell that they were going to take him to another hospital as they ha no room for him but that I would see him before this happened.

I was taken to a supply room off the nurses station to recover. Dp went home to get my things and to buy Some tiny baby clothes. I wa left for 11 hours on my own listening to other women labor and hearing their babies cry for the first time etc when I had never seen or heard ds. When dp returned I was taken (finally) to the nicu to see ds. I got to hold him for 10 min and was then made to return to my room.

Constantly I was asking when he was being transferred when I could see him was I going to etc. 6 hours later the nurse informed an ambulance was coming for him so they were going to bring him to me to say goodbye. Off she trotted and I waited 30min for her to come back. I ended up buzzing for a nurse who came in very shame faced and told me ds had been taken several hours ago to the other hospital. The bastards had not told me or dp who was at home trying to sort things out.

It was a further 9 fucking hours before I was transferred to be with him.

[YouScroogeYouLose]

Try to avoid hospital notes if ou can was heartbreaking to read notes such as "unresponsive" etc

[TwelveLeggedWalk]

I do know how you feel. My DTs were born via EMCS under GA, and I'm not sure I'm ever going to be completely fine about that. DH was away as well, so neither of us have any memory of their birth, they just came to us like little magical changeling babies.
I had a chat with the midwife supervisor which helped clear some things up on a factual level, but a lot of it will always be a mystery to me.
I think though the one thing that helps is the wonder of them if you see what I mean, as they become little people (1yo now) how they got here becomes less defining.
And in many ways I can thank my lucky stars that not only are they (and me!) here, but also that DH and I escaped witnessing what I suspect would've been a truly terrifying few minutes (babies on resuss tables, failed intubation, PPH for me, etc... the medics earned their lunch that day!).

It is hard though, so don't feel guilty about feeling sad about it.

[TwelveLeggedWalk]

Now I felt differently to you Scrooge about the notes - the midwife and NICU staff did check before they read us all the gory details, but I wanted to know as much as possible, it made more sense and seemed more 'real' to me somehow. Everyone is wired up a bit differently regarding things like that I think.

[YouScroogeYouLose]

I think it was because at no point did a medical professional tell me what had gone in or about his condition etc they left it for my dp to do which was very difficult for him but also I had a ton of questions he just couldn't answer.

[MmeLinDude]

Twelvelegged
yes, that is a good thought - that the reality of living with your baby, as he becomes a toddler helps the memories to fade. Watching that baby develop his own personality was simply amazing. Now he is a cuddly, adorable and bloody stubborn 8yo.

[ZogandMog]

OP just wanted to say I think its quite common to feel cheated out of those first moments. I had a crash section under GA with my daughter. My OH was with her during those first moments but I was in surgery for a few hours after as I had extra surgery during my c section. When I came around I was quite distraught thinking that she would not know me as I had not held her when she was first born and I was upset that I did not have nice memories of her being born. When I have flashbacks or panic attacks then I focus on my breathing.

[TwelveLeggedWalk]

That does sound like a big failing on their part Scrooge. I made the NICU staff go over their notes at least once in full, and they were happy to repeat things for us.
I am also a bit evangelical about the Supervisor of Midwifes debrief. Partly because mine was so so good - I feel a bit teary thinking about her, as she was on my delivery and I felt so safe with her, and partly because it was after we'd got the DTs home and I think I was mentally ready to move on from the trauma and draw a bit of a line under it. But mostly because I just think it is a really valuable opportunity to ask questions, to express gratitude or anger or whatever multitude of emotions you have, and once you feel ready - whenever that is - I would strongly recommend anyone who had a traumatic or confusing birth experience to request one. As far as I know there's no real time limit on it.

[YouScroogeYouLose]

They didn't even send notes with him to te other hospital. They were frantically ringing round trying to find out treatments etc and who his parents were

[Poledra]

I had my first baby by c-section under GA. Do you know the first thing my baby heard me say? As I came round, DH asked me if I wanted to see our beautiful baby daughter and I said 'No, I'm too tired, take her away and I'll see her tomorrow.' No, it really doesn't help when people say 'But you're both OK now, it's fine.' Though that was DH's response. My lovely lovely sister gently asked me if I was alright with everything that had happened, when DD1 was about 6 weeks old, and sent me some information on coming to terms with a difficult birth. Suddenly I felt like I had permission to feel dreadful about it, that yes, we were both fine physically but that I felt like shit about DD1 was born.

Find out if your hospital offers a debriefing opportunity - this was fabulous for me and, while it didn't make everything all right, it was the start to me feeling better about what happened, and realising that it was not my fault.

Hugs to you, and congratulations on your baby girl!

[foreignmummy]

Thanks all. It really is nice just to talk to others who understand. I'm sure it will get better with time. I really like the comments about placing more significance on other events as she gets older. I hadn't really thought of it like that. I appreciate all of your responses, particularly the painful ones xx

[Poledra]

foreignmummy, one of the things that came out during my debriefing with the midwife was that I felt like I had failed. I had failed my baby, I had failed myself and (the one that surprised us) I had failed DH. I hadn't had the lovely waterbirth I'd planned, I didn't see my baby first, I didn't hold her and find out she was a girl, all these things. I actually had 2 debriefing appointments because I was too upset to go through all of it the first time . The MW requested I bring DH with me the second time and when he came (reluctantly, I might say - he just wanted to forget about it), that was when she suggested I felt I'd let him down. He was dumbfounded but she was so right. It was helpful as he was able to reassure me that actually, no, I hadn't let him down, that he was just relieved that everything had come out all right in the end.

I don't know how supportive your DH/P is being but it was also good for me to find out that the reason DH didn't want to talk about it and wanted me to 'let it go now' (his words) was that he had been scared and helpless and he doesn't like feeling that way. His way to deal with it was to put it behind him and concentrate on now. While I would probably have appreciated a different approach, at least I could understand why he had behaved that way.

And of course, I hadn't failed - DD1 is a lovely, stroppy, kind 8-yo. She is no failure!!

[TwelveLeggedWalk]

That rings a lot of bells Poledra. DH felt guilty he wasn't there, I felt guilty he'd missed it!

[MmeLinDude]

Polendra
I had a hard time with the thought of poor DH being left in the labour suite, waiting to hear how things had gone. DS was delivered within 10 mins (which is fucking amazing really, considering they had to prep for surgery etc) but it was another 30 mins or so before they got word to DH that we were both fine.

That was almost worse for me afterwards. These 40 mins or an hour before DH was able to hold DS, or even knew if he was alive. It made me sob for him every time I thought about it.

[Mintyy]

Oh dear op, I really sympathise. It is very very difficult .

My first ever post was on Mumsnet was on this subject. That was in 2006 when dd was well over 5 years old and I'd had another child by straightforward elective cs in the meantime, but I still felt a bit preoccupied by dd's birth 5 years on.

I can honestly say now that I hardly think about it, but of course I still do from time to time. Dd is at secondary school and will soon be 12. It takes a long time to get over. Big hugs to you x

[beatofthedrum]

I felt very traumatised for about 8 months after my ds's birth. I remember on his six month birthday I sobbed for ages and felt frightened that I still felt so upset. I was so in love with him and felt so grateful for the total miracle of him but really terrible for what happened to ME. My DH really didn't get it, which made it much worse.

But you know what, I'm over it now. Time does work its magic and there are so many firsts and so many amazing moments, the bad memories fade. It's the SHOCK of what happened, it takes time to process and accept. Eleven weeks will feel a while to you, but it is not long in terms of trauma recovery. Hold tight, you will feel better.