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Is it true...???

(64 Posts)
mameulah Fri 09-Nov-12 11:12:09

My friend recently gave birth and has spoken a lot about the things she didn't expect or didn't know about before the baby got here.

One of the things she mentioned was having to explain to her dh how painful and impossible it is to see the baby cry when someone else is holding it and how she just HAS to get the baby back. I am natural worrier and I know I will be an overprotective Mummy.

How have you all coped socially when other people have been holding your baby, especially when s/he is crying? Are people understanding or do they get offended?

cbeebiesatemybrain Fri 09-Nov-12 11:16:18

Yes that was true for me. With dc1 I was way too polite when people were hogging the baby but with dc2 I would just take her back as soon as she cried.

MrsMarigold Fri 09-Nov-12 11:18:10

I never experienced this I was happy to have them off my hands - although I was jealous of the au pair and my eldest child.

pumpkinsweetie Fri 09-Nov-12 11:18:45

Sounds pretty normal, i used to feel this way when my babies were born.
It is an instinct you get when they are crying.

mummybare Fri 09-Nov-12 11:24:28

Totally true. I am pretty laid back naturally, and never had much of an affinity with babies until I had one, but I turned into a lioness when she was tiny and other people were holding her. I wouldn't be able to take my eyes off her and if she cried I would just HAVE to have herr back. I have calmed down a bit now (she's 6mo), but if she's upset, I still get a very strong urge to comfort her.

stargirl1701 Fri 09-Nov-12 11:30:00

It's true to begin with but after a few weeks it does get easier. If you have been home alone all day with a crying baby you are delighted to see another pair of hands grin

KateByChristmas Fri 09-Nov-12 11:30:12

Nope not here - I purposefully from day 1 made sure my DS (and later DD) was used to being held and settled by other people. This mainly came from my best friend advising I do this as she had been like you describe and said it caused her and her DS problems later down the line, whereby only Mum will do. It's worked very well for us and I now have 2 very confident children who are very cuddly with for instance our close friends and their GP. It's horses for courses though, no right or wrong way.

I think you will find your own style and go with it, good luck, it really is as amazing as everyone says smile

mameulah Fri 09-Nov-12 12:13:21

Thanks everyone.

Is there a way of being a 'polite lioness' or through the fatigue and the hormones do you not even care?

I am extremely close to my own family and have no qualms about them holding the baby.

I am extremely worried about how I will cope with my dh's family holding the baby. My dh is delicious but his parents and sister are extremely dysfunctional.

Any wisdom anyone...???

cbeebiesatemybrain Fri 09-Nov-12 12:18:01

Ime if you bf its so much easier as you can just say the baby is hungry grin

lljkk Fri 09-Nov-12 12:22:10

You will get over polite lioness when you are tired enough.
Most people will find holding a cranky baby very stressful & will be keen to hand back.

mameulah Fri 09-Nov-12 12:22:29

cbeebiesatemybrain

That is a great idea, I really hope I can breast feed. The idea of other random people wanting to feed my baby horrifies me, that is whole other can of worms I can't bear to think about!

FrillyMilly Fri 09-Nov-12 12:24:49

I still feel like this and my DD is 4! When they where both newborn and crying when someone else had them I would just say oh they must be hungry and take them. Even when we introduced bottles when I had finished breastfeeding I didn't like anyone but me or DH feeding them unless we weren't there.

willyoulistentome Fri 09-Nov-12 12:26:40

Totally true. When DS1 was only a couple of weeks old MIL was holding him at a family party. She really is very kind so I am not moaning about her, but he was crying HYSTERICALLY and she was trying to hold onto him saying, I should relax and let her take the strain. It was absolutely IMPOSSIBLE for me not to take him back.

mameulah Fri 09-Nov-12 12:30:47

willyoulistentome

So how did you get your DS back without causing a drama or creating a big embarrassing moment?

BlueHat Fri 09-Nov-12 12:32:04

This was true for me. It was very distressing for me to hear my babies cry and not do anything. DH found this very difficult to understand, and wanted me to just ignore the baby and get on with something else, or be polite and let someone else carry on holding the baby. I have struggled to make him understand that mine was a normal response, not a weird one hmm Thanks DH

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 09-Nov-12 12:34:37

If you're bfing on demand you just tell people that yes, the baby needs ANOTHER feed and could they please make you a cup of tea as feeding makes you thirsty.

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Fri 09-Nov-12 12:34:57

I think everyone feels a bit like that with their first. but it does wear off.

And I admit that by the time I came to ds2 (child 3) I was happy to hand him to anyone, especially if he was crying blush.

Just tell them how you feel. Be honest, along the lines of "I know it's silly, but it makes me feel physically sick to hear him crying, so can I have him back please."

Oh, and one other bit of advice - I found breastfeeding really shit for the first few weeks. I hated it, it hurt, it was messy and I almost gave up. So don't be surprised if it doesn't just happen naturally, try to persevere (and come here for help), and it does get easier. After about 6 weeks I could do it in my sleep, literally.

SarryB Fri 09-Nov-12 12:37:30

I found it very hard to even let OH hold the baby when he was crying.

Signet2012 Fri 09-Nov-12 12:37:44

I have an 8 week old and find I feel extremely anxious if she cries when others have her. In starting to get ok with the whining cry but a real cry nope. Chat handle it! It's hard fighting people to get her back when they think you are being over protective. I just say "I'll have to try calm her because I haven't got any pads on and her screaming like that makes my boobs squirt more than daisy the cow". grin

It works. grin

RedMolly Fri 09-Nov-12 12:55:33

I was like this. When ds was just about a week old i had loads of family here all wanting their turns, so he was out of my arms for what felt like ages. I tried to be ok about it but just crumbled and burst into tears. In the end i just decided to be honest and said 'i know i'm daft but i'm missing him, can i have him back please?'. No-one took at amiss. I'm still a bit like it if i'm honest and he's nearly 2! Bf is a good excuse if you feel you need one and is also a good opportunity to sneak off and get some quiet time with your baby if you want to (not that i think you should have to go somewhere else to feed, just that it is sometimes nice to have a bit of space).

Something else that suprised me further down the road was as he learnt new skills and developed - while i was obviously delighted to see him growing i felt a real visceral pain that he was moving away from me and needing me less - totally pfb in a lot of peoples books i know, but i couldn't help it. A few friends have admitted they felt like this too, so maybe if you are a sensitive soul that is something else to be prepared for. It will pass like others have said - i do actually let ds out of my sight now (occasionally!).

mameulah Fri 09-Nov-12 13:14:43

This is so helpful everyone. I guess maybe it is just part of that biological difference between men and women.

Are there any other unexpected hormonal related experiences that I should try and prepare myself for?

Tinkerisdead Fri 09-Nov-12 13:28:14

I was like this but when my dd's cried my milk would let down quite painfully. I remember once my mil holding dd saying " you dont want silly old mummy you want nanny." and took her into the garden. In the end i had to say "i need her back my milk is letting down and it realky hurts!" she was suitably embarrassed and handed her over. With dd2 i just learned to knack of standing up saying "oh dear, mummy's here ssh ssshh shhh "and just swooping her back so there was no room for debate.

mameulah Fri 09-Nov-12 13:37:29

Did your dh's understand the biological need to take your baby back or is it just part of what makes Mums different from Dads?

mameulah Fri 09-Nov-12 13:37:51

By the way everyone, this is so helpful!

fraktion Fri 09-Nov-12 13:41:59

DH didn't get it at all. Still doesn't.

I hate the 'oh I'll just settle him for you'. You won't.

Also PILs took him out round the block in his pram when he was 2wks old... I ha to get DH to call them to bring him back, I was in bits.

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