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Child birth humiliations

(187 Posts)
debbie1412 Sat 20-Oct-12 21:38:14

Il start, after telling my midwife I needed to poop and her reassuring me that she'd checked and I was clear and it was a normal sensation. I did 1 il always remember that moment more than when DS was actually born. Worse still my dp had to clean me up. Soooooo cringe.

mayhew Mon 12-Nov-12 19:58:07

As a student midwife, a woman I was supporting in 2nd stage suddenly sank her teeth into my arm. I screamed. She said "I'm so sorry, I thought you were my husband…."

I had teethmarks for a week!

mrsspankythechristmaspoo Mon 12-Nov-12 20:14:12

When I went into labour with DS1 I was throwing up and had diarrhea, I was throwing up in the toilet and with the force of throwing up I started to shit myself but instead of doing the normal thing and turning around to sit on the toilet I carried on being sick down the loo and grabbed the sick bowl and put it to my bum. blush The look on my face when my DP walked in was priceless. I also told the student doctor to piss off when she went to put my iv in for emcs I told her I always have problems with "you student" doctors blush I also knocked the MW glasses off when she was trying to support me when having my spinal put in grin

VivaLeBeaver Mon 12-Nov-12 20:24:30

One of my midwife friends found a couple in bed together on the postnatal ward, they weren't sleeping. It happens.

SingingSands Mon 12-Nov-12 20:31:52

When the midwife made a comment "that's some lovely dark hair I can see" she was talking about DS, who was descending down the birth canal. I thought she was talking about me, so I patted my head and said "ooh, thanks, I've just had it cut"! grin

I can't even blame the drugs, didn't have any as arrived at delivery suite at 4:45am and DS was born at 5am!

WidowWadman Mon 12-Nov-12 21:21:33

singing I first didn't spot the bit with patting your head... blush

openerofjars Mon 12-Nov-12 21:44:27

I was so desperate not to poo in the pool that I wasn't pushing hard enough to actually push DD out. The midwife cottoned onto this and basically ordered me to poo gave me permission.

I knew I was going to as well because I never got that early labour diarrhoea thing I had been relying on and was utterly dreading the pushing stage for this reason.

And it was a home birth as well, so someone (oh, please not you, DH) had to use the specially bought Tesco value plastic sieve that I had been really, really hoping not to use. Binned. <vom>

And finally, I discovered that screaming my head off during crowning and pushing made me feel better until the midwife said to me something along the lines of, "Okay, probably be a bit more useful if you actually push now, eh?". I had been rather enjoying the screaming as it took my mind off the incredible pain a bit and was frankly getting a bit too into it. blush

Joiyuk Tue 13-Nov-12 17:58:53

Haha you have all made me laugh! I didn't poo in labour, I was dreading it so much but it didn't happen. I was a bit mean though. My DH was surgically attached to his iPhone (nothing new there!) so I told him if he didn't put it down I wouldn't be the only one giving birth that day. After a bout of diamorphine, my mum was stroking my head and giving me encouragement when I started going on about how her eyes had loads of different colours in them. I was a little early stages of labour were spent in the bath at home. My DH was helping his friend write his cv/resume. My DHs friend cottoned on that I had gone into labour (or some reason I failed to mention to DH that labour had started) and decided to shout encouragement up the stairs to me. Weird!

BonaDea Wed 14-Nov-12 14:53:29

Hilarious - if slightly daunting for us first timers - thread!

KatyAnn28 Thu 15-Nov-12 22:28:34

How on earth is this thread making me even more excited about TTC???!!

laughtergoodmedicine Fri 16-Nov-12 13:03:26

Sorry when I read the promo I thought this was political LABOUR

FrozenNorthPole Fri 16-Nov-12 13:04:55

DS arrived very fast after only - I kid you not - eleven minutes of 'established' labour according to the midwife's notes (she'd ruptured my waters an hour previously then sent us off to wander around the hospital a bit).

DH and I were alone in the room when I realised that I was pushing with each contraction. I asked him to have a look down there to see if he could see the head, bent over the bed and pulled my trousers down. He knelt down to see, another contraction came and I weed all over him with the force of pushing. We were both surprised as I'd just gone to the loo. blush

At least it made him take it seriously enough to run to get the midwife, just in time for DS's grand exit.

Shaky Fri 16-Nov-12 13:32:29

I had an epidural that had been topped up so I could not feel a thing. I didn't know that I had done a poo until the midwife repositioned me. I wasn't even pushing blush

DP kept sniffing and I can remember shouting "for fucks sake, bust blow your fucking nose!"

Shaky Fri 16-Nov-12 13:32:52

* just not bust

Xenia Fri 16-Nov-12 13:43:47

Oh dear, thought it was an anti labour party thread....

Humiliation is just a state of mind. Giving birth is the most powerful and wonderful thing a woman can do. It is not about humiliation but about supremacy and glory and power.

fijm Fri 16-Nov-12 13:57:42

I was sure baby (3rd) was not immediately on the way and I just needed the loo. I was wrong. No time for epidural so basically spent 10 mins yelling FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCK at the top of my voice like a foul mouthed crazy lady.

Chopsypie Fri 16-Nov-12 14:05:09

My waters had been broken for me as DS was in distress v early on in labour. I had a contraction and his heart rate nose dived so the midwife turned me onto my side and pressed the buzzer. Cue lots of people rushing in, whilst im on my side with my bum pointed towards the door, squirting amniotic fluid everywhere.
Then my mum arrived and the midwife told her to get out (didnt know who she was obv) and I cried.

jaffacack Fri 16-Nov-12 14:09:37

Oh my god, I'm HOWLING!!! Needed this as I'm in a funk as DP went out last night on the razz and I'm def feeling the effects of being stuck at home with baba. Grrrr. We are AMAZING, hear us poo ROAR!!

I don't think I pooed - no one told me if I did - but I did insist I needed a poo and a wee at 9cm dilated, hobbled down the corridor with the help of DP, sat on the toilet for 30 secs before realising my poo/ wee was a baby that was about to arrive imminently. Cue massive bout of contractions in the toilet, hobbling back to delivery room and screaming 'I NEEED TO PUUUUSH' in proper dramatic Hollywood style as there were no midwives around. DS born in three pushes!!!

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood Fri 16-Nov-12 14:12:32

When I was pushing they talked about taking th g and a off me. So I tried to hide it down the side of the bed.

BellaBearisWideAwake Fri 16-Nov-12 14:23:13

Well, I did a poo walking down the corridor, while wearing a backless gown and in fron of DH, about three midwives and, most humiliatingly, in front of a random bloke, some other labouring woman's DH who had unfortunately chosen that moment to walk down the hall as well. Bet he regretted that.

Poor, poor man.

It wasn't the least bit humiliating at the time, mind. Probably because it was about ten minutes before DS2 arrived.

somewherewest Fri 16-Nov-12 15:36:43

Humiliation is just a state of mind. Giving birth is the most powerful and wonderful thing a woman can do. It is not about humiliation but about supremacy and glory and power.

...and poo. Have we mentioned the poo?

Mine wasn't too embarassing, although the pushing stage was accompanied by ten minutes of "fuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK!!!!FUCK!!!!!"

cakes82 Fri 16-Nov-12 16:39:14

It was the risk of pooing that most concerned me about giving birth, that and dh being there to witness it. Luckily that didn't happen ended up farting instead in my bath and throwing up in the bathroom bin. Had homebirth but was meant to be in birth centre so not at all organised. MW very good about farting said it was a good sign. As it worked out my pushing was excellent shame body decided not to do more than 9cm and I ended up being transferred for a EMCS.

Other cringe moment my knickers and pad that had been put on me to go to hospital got dumped on floor next to my bed in post natal ward and dh found it. Not sure how that works given between arrival and then it was third or fourth room I had been in confused

i must be slow today didn't register that rhythmic knocking was couple having sex until someone else said blush

cakes82 Fri 16-Nov-12 16:40:36

Oh forgot to say, everyone else's tales had me giggling, good job we all have a sense of humour.

Sorelip Fri 16-Nov-12 17:34:27

I had an emergency c-section, but before this, I had to push so that the midwives could try and turn DS' head. While pushing, I farted on the hand that was inside me, said 'Oh, excuse me' and then resumed pushing. I didn't even realise I'd done this until a few days later, when DH told me in a fit of giggles.

bringonthetrumpets Fri 16-Nov-12 17:41:03

As a student midwife, I have heard and seen some hilarious stuff! I love the delirious things that women in transition and pushing say.

unexpectediteminbaggingarea Fri 16-Nov-12 17:52:33

um, giving birth in front of 3 of my colleagues (I am a midwife),

Accidentally touching the anaesthetist's cock when he was cannulating me. Then laughing like a maniac and saying 'oops, I just touched your COCK! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!'

I had had a very lot of gas and air.

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