Child birth humiliations(187 Posts)
Il start, after telling my midwife I needed to poop and her reassuring me that she'd checked and I was clear and it was a normal sensation. I did 1 il always remember that moment more than when DS was actually born. Worse still my dp had to clean me up. Soooooo cringe.
Oh poor you, however it happens to loads of people so don't cringe
I shouted and I mean proper yelled at DP saying to stop kissing me on the forehead as he was too heavy to kiss me
Aint got a clue what i meant by it but I was feeling
very high on the gas and air. The embarrasing part was that the midwife got the giggles when i said it and just coudn't stop laughing and then after DD was born asked what i meant by it.
Oh Dear, OP .
During my third labour I thought I'd get up and walk around the halls a bit...my water broke in the hallway and splashed amniotic fluid (and other fluids) all over a cart full of (previously sterile) supplies, blankets, gowns etc. I spent the whole delivery worrying about having destroyed everything on the cart as the nurses were not overly reassuring about it not mattering . Oops!
When the anesthetist told me I was too far gone to have an epidural I told him to 'get out and stop staring at me if you can't help me'
I'm quite prudish in many ways so it came as an utter act of when contractions really kicked on with ds1.
Was a bit dillusional as to how labour would be tbh.
Anyway, was advised by the mw to wear a sanitary towel as bleeding a little. Later on she told me to take my knickers off as labour progressing etc
Just as I was taking them off I had a huge contraction and passed my knickers with soiled sanitary towel in to dh
I cringe thinking about it now, but I couldn't give a stuff at the time
Me with feet in stirrups, catheter in place, pushing with all my might and a consultant walks in and says "I recognise you from somewhere!". I'd never seen him before in my life.
Not me, but my friend was told in the late stages of giving birth to get her knickers off by the midwife (this had already been requested many times). After a bit of fuss from my friend apparently the midwife then made some comment that in her many years of midwifery experience, she had not yet managed to support a woman in giving birth with her knickers left on.
When I had an emergency section I had a catheter in. I actually walked about carrying a bag of piss and the arse missin out of my gown.
Also APPARENTLY I had suppositories while I was in theatre before the section. I have no idea despite being conscious throughout when this happened. At no point did anyone tell me "just gunna shove this up your arse"
I got stuck on the toilet every time I tried to stand up another contraction started and I couldnt move. The MW looked very worried and was about to call for help when I realised help meant several people witnessing me on the toilet so I gritted my teeth and got up. It was excruciating!
Oh and I had to have poo wiped away when pushing too
Not so much my humiliation but that I humiliated poor DH. Prior to labour I thought it would be nice to have DH in the pool with me...when I was getting in I was pretty high, we transfered rooms and he even got changed bless him, flip flops and all, I saw him in my pool (poised to help me in with loving tenderness) - well it all seemed so unfair that he was in the lovely pool and I wasn't so I started shouting at him 'get the f* out of my pool' - poor DH was mortified, MV looked at her shoes. I also told him to 'suck it up' (was annoying me he was crying [albeit re my discomfort] when I was the one in pain). He was very upset about it all. Ooopps.
<secretly laughs to self>
Dont worry re poo, I had pieces of snickers bar and poo floating in the pool...well if you are going to push things are bound to come out....Def recommend snickers for making the mouthpiece taste of chocolate!!
To make yourselves feel better check out a thread in classics called funniest bit in childbirth. I have spend days reading it (all 28 pages) when I got a chance it is excellent.
With my first, I was induced, strapped up to the ping machine and heavily epiduraled. Had the baby
eventually but the placenta wouldn't come away. The very young midwife pulled on the cord and it snapped off. This bloke wandered in and said that I'd have to go to the operating theatre to have it removed. I asked him if he wanted me to bloody walk - I thought he was the porter who'd forgotten the wheelchair. Turns out he was the consultant obstetrician. Oops!
Anyhow, they wheeled me into the op room, put my legs in stirrups so I was showing off my fanjo to the world. Then everyone fecked off and I was left there alone, apart from some cleaners who were mopping the blood off the floor (I've no idea if it was mine).
days minutes, the medicos came back and the porter impersonator had to do a James Herriot on me, while the anesthetist (sp?) held my hand. He was called Dr Gas, I shit you not!
Actually, I was quite glad that the bloke stitched me up as I'd torn my urethra and clitoris (FFS!) and he did a really good job (ie no lasting problems) but I could have done without traumatising the poor cleaners!
Hipster, I've just caused my bunny to jump in fright because I snorted so loudly at your post.
We've all done it OP. Please don't let it spoil your experience of childbirth.
Pretty sure I kept shouting "I NEED TO POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
Also shouting "you just injected me with water" when it was really morphine. I totally didn't believe it was morphine.
OP everyone does mad stuff in labour I remember telling my mum (very huffily) that she was going to have to have the baby for me because I just couldn't do it. Also my mum shouted at me to calm the fuck down, I was shaking too much for the anaesthetist to give me the epidural! Not my fault really, hadn't eaten in about 12 hours and could only suck ice cubes and was vomitting everywhere!
Oh I just remembered, I kept falling asleep in the minute between contractions, I was sitting upright on an armchair and was woken up by my ex and the MW laughing their heads off at my snoring!
When I had dd1 I was 19, completely unprepared for the realities of labour (the mw at antenatal had compared it to a toothache and as I was single my mum was my birthing partner. I was about 7 cms dilated, stark naked when I got off the bed, announced to my mum that I'd had enough and would try again another day and tried to leave the room I didn't get far.
Then once dd1 had been born and I'd been stitched up (both me and mum vouch without anaesthetic) the mw proceeded to lube her finger and stick it up my arse without even mentioning it first. I knew how poor sooty felt then.
Poor bunny, roughtyping
About 6 hours after I'd had the baby, I insisted on going for a shower (the MWs told me off for trying to stand up but I swanned off anyway. So there were two cords hanging from the ceiling in the shower room. I pulled one but the light didn't come on, so I pulled it again and the fricking thing came away in my hand. I poked my head round the door to be confronted by several MWs bombing down the corridor. It turns out that I'd pulled the alarm cord by mistake and it wouldn't turn off now.
I staggered back to my bed, like Bambi on ketamine, cheerfully chirping that it was only fair coz they'd pulled MY cord off. I blame the drugs
God, I see your poo stories and raise you.
Had a spinal with DD2 at lunchtime 10 days ago. Think I may have eaten a few too many dried apricots during the course of that afternoon because the grumblings from my stomach were phenomenal. Anyway, come the night shift, the orderlies offer to change my pads and sheets and the midwife offers to check me. Cue almighty fart. Really almighty. Must have lasted a good 10 seconds at least. Obviously I laugh. Which resulted in a bit of follow through. So, very apologetically, I tell the midwife. Feeling in my legs had returned by this point but I was still with catheter. Midwife gets me to stand up so they can clean the bed resulting, somehow, with a sheet tangled round the catheter tubes. Next thing I know I can feel ominous rumblings and all of a sudden my bowels opened and there was absolutely nothing, nothing at all, I could do to stop the flow of shit in my disposable knickers and down my legs. Mortifying!
I felt so bad for the other women in the ward because it absolutely stank. It took ages to try and sort out - the midwife kept having to go and get supplies from the other end of the ward, including scissors to cut the disposable knickers off.
On the upside, they swiftly transferred me to a private room because they were worried about infection. I spent the night terrified that the forceps delivery had left me incontinent. Turns out, according to the anaesthetist, that it was just because the spinal had not worn off in relation to those bits, even though my legs were working.
I particularly loved the way all the staff on the ward knew about the 'mishap' as they affectionately called it!
Oh SozzleQ, bless you (for both the "mishap" and having the strength to tell it here).
Suppositories? They give C Section women suppositories
Apparently it was a pain killer. Volterol or something
I bit DH's hand during a particularly long and painful contraction. Blimey! You should have seen his face! I was all it's not like you've got a 10lb 4oz person coming out of you dude!
He proper went OWWW and looked all injured
These are hilarious. During labour,a bit high on gas and air, I started asking questions about Gandalf (WTAF) DH and MW we're laughing and taking the piss out of me for quite some time.
A few hours after my eventual EMCS, as soon as I could feel my legs again, I begged to be allowed to go for a shower. Catheter removed, off I toddle. Only to come over all faint in the shower, start gushing blood, and have to leave the bathroom looking like the scene of a horrific murder, trailing bloody footprints all the way back to the ward. The lovely midwife lay me down naked on the bed, cleaned me up with wet wipes, and never once said "you stupid bloody cow, why didn't you listen when I said you might not be ready for a shower!" (though I'm sure she was thinking it!)
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