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Will I ever be normal again?

(8 Posts)
theressomethingaboutmarie Thu 18-Oct-12 06:36:09

I'm 9 weeks post-partum and haven't yet had sex with DH again. I went to my docs for a smear yesterday and when she was inserting the jobber that opens up the cervix, the pain was excruciating. It felt like sharp, stinging pain (she asked if I wanted her to stop but as it was overdue, I asked her to carry on). She said that it ahoukdn't have been that painful and that when DH and I get back n the saddle, if it hurts like that, I need a gynae referral.

I've been bleeding a little since and it feels like the tears I had have reopened. I'm feeling traumatised by the pain and crapping myself that I'll never have a normal sex life again. Has anyone been through similar and it all worked out eventually?

StrawberrytallCAKE Thu 18-Oct-12 07:00:26

I have been told by my dr, gynaecologist and nurse that you shouldn't have smears until after 12 weeks post birth because it is very likely to show a false abnormal result so please check that. Yes it's normal to feel like that, tbh I didn't want sex for around a year! It's different for everyone but please don't question yourself or the way you feel, after a 1st baby it's not just the physical process (which is supposed to take 18 months to heal) but the mental and lifestyle changes which can take a long time to get used to.

Is your dh understanding? You will go back to normal but it will probably be a slightly different kind of normal, better because you have dc. Don't rush yourself.

StrawberrytallCAKE Thu 18-Oct-12 07:02:20

And it did all work out eventually btw just needed lots of open conversations. We're having another dc now 4 years after our 1st.

strawberrypenguin Thu 18-Oct-12 07:05:07

It will get better it took me about 4 months to have full sex again. Luckily my DH was very understanding, we built up to it slowly and used a lot of lube! Don't force it before your ready there's no time limit.

Wiggy29 Thu 18-Oct-12 08:13:16

Had a similar experience, took a few months before I was ready and the first time I sobbed because of the pain sad Looking back, I should have spoke to someone but I thought it was normal. One bit of advice I would say, is to try to talk to dh as I started to back away emotionally and stopped being affectionate as I was terrified each time we hugged etc that he would try to have sex. Looking back, I think it would have been much easier if we'd talked about it and made sure we'd been affectionate and found other ways to be close. Without being crude, maybe you could just start with some gentle masturbation? hmm The best of luck. PS- it defo gets better, it's great now and all the previous stress is a distant memory.

izzywizzyisbizzy Thu 18-Oct-12 08:17:41

I had "extensive tearing" after dc1 - I'm about to have dc4!

It does get better - I agree it's very important to talk to your husband and also possibly to consider non penetrative sex (if you want to).

I'm surprised at smear so early specially if you have tearing.

One word of warning - after dc1 I was in agony - thought it was normal - did nothing, eventually (when I couldn't walk) I went to doctors - I had an infection in my stitches - 2 days on ABs I I was fine, after weeks of agony.

LookAtHerGo Thu 18-Oct-12 08:22:33

The first time I had sex with DP after my DD's birth it hurt so much we had to stop, the next time was a bit easier, and so on. My doctor (at my 8 week check when i mentioned it) said some pain is usual after birth, but it will get better and if it doesn't to go back. It did get easier. DD is 13 months and I'm 5 months pg! It felt quite normal after a couple of months grin

girlgonemild Thu 18-Oct-12 08:32:38

First dc I had an emcs but only at the last minute so had an internal tear too. I also think I tore the stitches open after. I went to tell the dr about the pain at 16 weeks and she wasn't bothered and said come back at 6 months if there was still a problem. The pain stopped at about 6 months though.
Second dc I had lots if tearing and it does hurt still at 13 wks but not a raw or intense pain. I mentioned it to dr and they seemed more concerned this time but I said I'd come back at 4/5 months if still having problems.
So answer to your question is it is normal although different gps seem to have different attitudes to when things should be back to normal. It does usually get better on its own but think months not weeks. If you still have pain a few months from now go back and ask for a gynaecologist referral.

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