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Giving birth alone?

(4 Posts)
NichyNoo Wed 17-Oct-12 09:54:19

DS2 is due on 20 December. We live abroad and so have no family to look after DS1 when I go into labour. I am starting to realise that this means I will most likely be giving birth alone at hospital so that DH can stay at home and look after DS1.

We have good friends who have offered to help out and this will be great if I go into labour at the weekend (when they are off work) or when they are on Christmas hols. But if it is a workday for them I can't ask them to take time off work in order to drive miles into town to drop DS1 at his nursery or to take a day off work and look after him at home. Or if it is the middle of night and DS1 goes to their house but won't settle (once he wakes up in the night he usually won't go back to sleep for hours).

Family can be on stand-by and notified when I go into labour but it will take a minimum of 8 hour drive or a very expensive last-minute xmas flight to get to us by which time baby may already have been born and DH would have been at home looking after DS1 (labour with DS1 was 13 hours from start to birth).

We can't have family to stay for the 3-4 week potential birth period as PILs run a business and can't take time off over xmas and my stepdad will be having intensive, daily radiotherapy for a brain tumour so my mum can't leave him for that long. Plus we have no spare bedroom so DH and I would be sleeping on blow-up mattress on living room floor (not ideal when 9 months pregnant!)

I am thinking of asking gynaecologist of possibility of being induced on a certain date in early December. I know that induction is not ideal but this way we would have a definite date and my mum would be able to come out for 2-3 days to look after DS1 and could arrange for someone to take stepdad to radiotherapy for those days.

I guess I'm just looking for advice really. DH would be really upset to miss the birth but realises that we have limited options. My first birth was quite scary (back-to-back, non-stop vomiting, ventuouse) but I guess I could do it on my own if I had to. Im worried about having no-one there to potentially give consent if something went wrong etc.

I have no idea if doctor would agree to induction for a non-medical reason but it is the only option I can think of. Does anyone have any advice or think that induction may be acceptable in this case? Thanks for listening to me ramble....I'm starting to get a bit worried about it all confused

jkklpu Wed 17-Oct-12 12:29:59

Congratulations on your imminent new arrival. There have been quite a few threads on this subject before with various good ideas. Firstly, you don't know what time of day your labour will start and I wouldn't get ahead of yourself and plan an induction for this reason. Your second delivery may be nothing at all like your first.

The thing to bear in mind is that most people would be totally made up to be asked to look after your ds1 at that exciting time, even if it did mean taking time off work or driving to collect him.

Where are you having the baby? Is a home birth totally out of the question (I guess so given your first labour). Is there a friend's house on the way to the hospital/clinic where you could drop ds1 on the way?

I had ds3 overseas in April and we dropped my ds1 and 2 at my boss's house at 3.30am en route for the hospital. They took them to school and my dh collected them and brought them to see me and meet their new brother that afternoon. I was very lucky, but it's an illustration of how delighted people are likely to be if you trust them to do this. Is there someone from your ds's nursery - either key worker or a parent? Really think carefully - whom would you trust and just try asking.

Good luck.

AuntieStella Wed 17-Oct-12 12:36:26

I agree with jkklpu: people love to rally round. As your friends sound like good friends, I'd have another word with them (very tactfully) to see exactly when they can be "on call". You may find that they have heaps ofuntaken leave and have the flexibility to take a day at short notice to cover whilst your family travel to you.

I gave birth without anyone with me (apart from midwife), I laboured completely on my own.
It wasn't ideal, and I hope you sort something out so it doesn't happen to you. But, it wasn't the end of the world. It was ok.
I was lucky, I had a really quick labour. That said - it was still painful and I would have liked DH there to share it with me, just to have someone I actually knew with me would have been nice.
If there is a way round this, and someone offers to look after your DS, I'd take them up on it.

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