Don't panic, Mr Manwairing!
It IS a bit odd, trying to work your pf. Once you get the hang of it it's a breeze. Did you ever do those weird books of patterns that you looked at, and squinted at, and crossed your eyes at...and then a 3D image came jumping out the page at you? Well, pf is like that - once you've got it, you'll know what to do and wonder what was so tricky about it in the first place.
The thing that makes it hard is getting biofeedback. If you want to strenghten your biceps, you bend your elbow - you can SEE the muscle working at the same time as you can FEEL the muscle working. So, knowing how to strenghten your bicep is easy, tha'ts biofeedback.
PF floor is trickier. You can't see it, you can't see what the contraction looks like and, often times, women are so unaware of their bodies that they've never really thought about even having muscles Down There.
Assuming there's no reason why you can't get them to work (like MS, or previous birth trauma, or previous surgeries)...try using a bit of gravity to help
Lie on your back, bung a pillow under your hips so you are lying uphill.
Bend your hips and knees.
Take a deep breath in, really fill your lungs and sigh it away.
Do that three or four times, until you can feel the rise and fall of your tummy as your breathe (Try not to fall asleep here)
Now, imagine you are bursting for a pee and there's nowhere to go. Really visualise it - so, imagine you are at the end of a looooong check out queue. (keep breathing) Your trolley is packed with essentials - milk, bread, nappies, calpol, and wine. You cannot abandon your trolley - you need the calpol for your baby who's seeing the doctor tomorrow for ear-ache. You know you've got a sleepless night ahead of you, you need this stuff to manage (specially the wine) Keep breathing.
There's three people in front of you. You don't have enough time to get to the loo and back before it's your turn. You don't want to ask the business suited man in front of you if you can skip in front of him. It won't take that long, will it?
Now, stop paying attention to your breathing and focus on your bits - feel what they are doing. That squeezing feeling at the front of your vulva, where the pee comes out, that's you working your pelvic floor. Really squeeze - (ohmaigawd, I'm acutally going to WET MYSELF!) really, really hard. You are looking for a "lift" Your pelvic floor's job is to hold your organs up, it's action is to lift - it's a very slight lift. Imagine trying to make enough space for someone to slip a £50 note into your gusset.
Now. Stop. And breathe. Feel the difference in the front of your vulva where the pee comes out? It should change from feeling tighter to, well, probably nothing, but you might notice that you'd not get a £50 note in there.
Try again. "ohmaigawdI'mgoingtopeealloverthefloorinfrontofallthesepeople"
relax
and again.
relax
and again.
Still nothing? Knickers off, put your fingers over the front of your vulva where the pee comes out (you know, the bit wee girls hold on to when they are holding on. And, the bit you'd loooove to give a bit of a rub when you're bursting to go - only, people would think you were a bit peculiar) and imagine you are bursting for the loo again - push down on that bit with your fingers as you squeeze to stop the imaginary pee - can you feel a lift?
(keep breathing)
stop and relax
try again
relax
try again
relax.
STill nothing?
Well, if it's within your comfort zone to have a rummage about - put a finger or two into your vagina (doesn't actually HAVE to be your fingers. Any willing volunteer will do. Or, a vibrator, or a broom handle - ehm, maybe not a broom handle, splinters, ouch)
Do that lot again. Really imagine you are in the shop. You are aware of the clock on the wall, the lenght of time that stupid woman is taking to chat. IS SHE GETTING OUT MONEY OFF VOUCHERS? This is taking forever! Why can she not remember her pin number, stupid cow. Imagine yourself trying to subtlely shift your weight from one foot to the other, trying to jiggle up and down on your tiptoes without looking like you are bursting for the loo. Think of the sounds of the chattering (stop talking, get on with it!) the beeping of the till, the announcements in the background, the slight sweat you are getting on and the fact you've already mentally sacrificed the pound you put in the trolley because you just need to get the shopping in the car and get home!
Now, can you feel a squeeze? Round your fingers? Not in your tummy, not in your buttocks, not in your thighs - but round your fingers? That's it. That's your pelvic floor. ARe you blue? If you are working your pelvic floor you should still be breathing, if you are holding your breath and going a bit squiffy you've not got it.
Not sure? Leave your fingers (or, the end of the golf club, whatever floats your boat, really) where they are. Stop trying to squeeze, relax and breathe. Three or four deep breaths - now, compare the feeling round your fingers with that of during the squeeze. Does it feel different?
Not sure? Try again.
relax
Again
relax
Still not sure? Well, don't panic, Mr Manwairing! It'll take a bit of practice and a bit of patience. Keep doingyerblardyexercises - and don't well, try not to worry.
Give it a week. Doyerblardyexercises every day, at least 3x a day. Do that great big palaver at least once a day - more if you can make time for it.
Don't spend more than 20 mins doing the lying with your ass up on pillows thing. You'll just get fed up and despondent. 20 mins of good quality training twice a day is better than an hour once and then never bothering again becaue what'st he point?
Give it a week. If you STILL can't feel anything at all, then it's worth arranging to have a chat with a physio/nurse/GP about getting a biofeedback gadget. That's got a bit shaped like a tampon that attaches to a machine which will give you a number measurement of the strenght of your contraction. So, you learn to associate the feelign with the number going up, and if you are competitive, you'll want to beat yesterday's number.
It takes a bit of time and a LOT of effort. I can help via twitter (@gussiegrips - when I tweet, you twitch your twinkle x3ish a day), or here. Or PM me, or, if you prefer, email me - details via twitter on on my profile here (am trying to be careful not to advertise! Please note, there's no charges for my witterings on here. And, I am a little bit obsessive about trying to help leaky ladies)
Remember to relax inbetween. Really, really important to relax. And breathe. Generally speaking, breathing is A Good Thing.
Oh, and might be worth printing all this off so you don't have to disengage the baseball bat to hop off the bed so you can read what the next bit of what you are supposed to be doing from the computer screen.
Relax. The people who have the problems are the people who don't KNOW they have a problem, so you are already streaks ahead because you are smart enough to want to do something about it.
Now, go and get your kecks off. x
.