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Doula instead of DH?

(3 Posts)
Weissbier Sun 23-Sep-12 19:44:15

We live abroad with no family nearby. DD (2) is all right
left with people she knows, but gets frightened with those she doesn't know so well. We have a brilliant 'rental grandma' for babysitting but it's difficult to ask someone to be on standby for all the time they have to be while you wait for a baby to be born.

So basically I'm beginning to think it might be better to hire a doula for the birth of DC2 while DH looks after DD. DH is not against the idea. I don't want to go it alone but think I'd feel more relaxed knowing DD1 was all right and not frightened.

All I remember about DH's presence from last time is him standing there not doing anything grin, it was a fast and straightforward birth so there wasn't much he could have done anyway...I didn't have the feeling I couldn't have done it without him or anything. Also will give birth in the uni hospital where you have a student midwife with you all the time as well.

All opinions as to whether this is sensible / barmy gratefully received!

DialMforMummy Sun 23-Sep-12 22:02:54

I can see where you are coming from and was in a similar situation. Is your "rental grandma" understanding? Because if she is, surely she won't mind being glued to her phone?
DH did not do much during labour but was the first one to hold DC2 when he came as I was too out of it to hold him for a couple of hours. It sucked for me but was comforting to know that DS was held by his dad. Also if things get tough, it could be good to have him there to kick some arse.
I think it's important for the DH to be at the birth but I can understand you POV with regards to DC1, you need to be confident that she will be happy wherever she is. Difficult.

Weissbier Mon 24-Sep-12 07:17:15

She is DialM but we can't ask her to be glued to her phone for 2 weeks before the due date and up to two afterwards, she has her own life to lead. And that applies to all our friends - they are working, they have their own families, and so on. My mum would come over from the UK but I think this is out of proportion, she would want to take a hotel rather than stay with us because she likes her own space and that would be so expensive, we couldn't afford to pay it and I would feel bad about her doing so.

I agree with you it is not ideal not to have DH there but equally forty years ago no DHs were ever there and the human race survived...and the hospital is excellent, I've given birth there before and I wasn't left alone at any point once things got going. More and more we're thinking of doing it like this and crossing fingers DC2 is born during nursery hours!!!

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