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Have you given birth alone (apart from mw)?

(34 Posts)
wkmmum Sun 23-Sep-12 18:50:31

Have been looking for a doula but it hasn't been very successful and it's starting to look like it's not going to happen. I have a really good friend who I've asked to be there. She's really happy to do it but no guarantees she'll be able to because of childcare.

I actually think I'll be ok on my own and have got my head round it. But was just wondering how it was for others? Where you ever left completely alone or was there always a mw in the room? xx

ContinentalKat Sun 23-Sep-12 18:58:58

I had to go in on my own and had to labour away alone for a good few hours.
I was left on my own quite a bit. There were complications, and I started panicking. Dh luckily arrived before I had to make important decisions on my own and in a totally incoherent state.

I guess what I am saying is that women probably do give birth on their own and are fine, but I was very grateful that dh was there, and able to make decisions for me. He bonded with ds when I was recovering from the emergency c section.

I would make sure I had somebody I trusted with me.

For dc no. 2 I had a list of 1st - 5th choice of birth partner and babysitter for ds.

wkmmum Sun 23-Sep-12 19:15:20

Thanks Kat. And glad your dh got there.

I've got a couple of other friends I could ask but tbh I really don't think I'd be comfortable with them there. And think I'd rather be alone than with someone I'm not comfortable with.

Have to admit I kind of thought that if I was on my own I wouldn't be left alone. What if something happens and I can't ask for help? xx

AllDirections Sun 23-Sep-12 19:20:26

I had a homebirth with DD3 with just the midwives and DDs 1&2 (age 6 and 10)

Birthing alone was fine, I struggled more afterwards when there was no-one around to feed me sad

wkmmum Sun 23-Sep-12 19:53:51

I think that's what worries me most. Not the giving birth but the getting home and being alone sad xx

Weissbier Sun 23-Sep-12 19:54:36

I shared a room in hospital with a lady who'd done it inc.CS alone. She had to as she was a refugee sad and didn't speak the local language here. We were in the uni hospital where you always have a student midwife with you though, so she was never actually left alone. She said the birth had been horrid but she was was very serene about all the post-op stuff and very confident with the baby - it was her first but she'd brought all her brothers and sisters up.

If this isn't your first I would say doing it alone might not be much fun but I would entertain the idea, but if this is your first baby, you should probably try and get a doula if you possibly can.

wkmmum Sun 23-Sep-12 19:57:12

This is my 2nd but it's been a while (DS is 8). He'll be at his dad's so no worries about him. I'm having real problems finding a doula and as I'm now 31 weeks I'm running out of time to find someone xx

Weissbier Sun 23-Sep-12 19:58:14

PS for what it's worth OP I was fine once I got home and could have easily done that part alone, but I wouldn't have liked to have been alone in labour. Yes if you can be in a hospital with plenty of staff, but not labouring alone for hours, not if you haven't done it before.

AllDirections Sun 23-Sep-12 20:00:24

Is there no DH wkmmum?

wkmmum Sun 23-Sep-12 20:07:16

We split up a little while ago (long story). He's been so nasty that there's no way I could relax and labour/birth with him there. His own fault as I was more than prepared to have him there even though we'd split up. But after some of the things he's said and done I just can't deal with having him there xx

AllDirections Sun 23-Sep-12 20:10:04

Where do you live wkmmum? I'd be more than happy to help in any way you wanted but I'm in the north east.

wkmmum Sun 23-Sep-12 20:12:14

Thanks Alldirections - that's really sweet. Unfortunately I'm a very long way from you. But I really appreciate the offer xx

fuckbadger Sun 23-Sep-12 20:44:21

You have plenty of time to meet doulas, I didn't even start thinking about it until 33 weeks and I found the perfect one for me!

wkmmum Sun 23-Sep-12 20:45:37

I hope so! Still looking but running out of options xx

Badgerina Sun 23-Sep-12 21:13:16

Have you contacted Doula UK directly? You can phone them with a general enquiry, explain your situation and they will put the word out that you really need the support. For someone in your position, I'm sure they would do their utmost to find you someone. Doulas work with women in all kinds of situations, but for an unsupported woman such as yourself, I think they would jump through hoops to find someone to care for you.

Kat I'm rather shocked and very sad to hear that you were left alone in hospital during your labour sad It must vary from hospital to hospital, but I feel sure that at most places, a lone mother would never be abandoned like that. I question the safety of it as well as the lack of "care" sad.

Just to add another point - I know women who have actually preferred to labour alone. The difference being with them, of course, is that it is their choice. I just thought I'd add that in, as women often find they behave in unexpected ways during labour. Often privacy becomes extremely important. Worth bearing in mind especially in light of what you say about your Ex OP. You're right I think, to not want him there, given the animosity between you.

wkmmum Sun 23-Sep-12 21:24:54

I've searched through doula uk and contacted loads of doulas. Only one has been available around my due date. Spike to her on the phone and it didn't go well. Don't think I'd be comfortable with her and if that's the case I'd rather do it alone.

The problem I have is that I can't afford a doula so I was going to do it through their access fund. That wouldn't be a problem as I qualify and they'd get paid. But lack of money means I can't just find someone who isn't registered with them. Not entirely sure what to do tbh xx

cooper44 Sun 23-Sep-12 21:45:51

hi Wkmmum - I'm in a similar situation. Split up with OH and because of everything that has happened I decided I really wouldn't be comfortable with him there during labour - this is my second.
I have spoken to my consultant a lot about it as they know my situation and they have been amazing. My plan is to possibly have a friend there for labour but not delivery and I've got a few people lined up and will just see who is free. (possibly no-one as they never answer their phones!)
But equally I would be really happy to be on my own too - with my first I really just went into my own space anyway and am guessing I'd be pretty much the same. From researching this and talking to staff at the hospital though I have mostly heard that they would try to leave a student with you rather than you being alone at any point. (although previous posts here seem to contradict that.)
Def talk to your midwife about it - mine have been amazing and very supportive.
Is this your first baby? I can totally understand being more anxious if it is as it's such an unknown quantity....I'd carry on trying with Doulas - I had one last time who was amazing but also really agree with you that you need to click with them! Sorry this is a bit rambling - one eye on Downton Abbey! Hope you get something sorted.

wkmmum Sun 23-Sep-12 21:55:11

How many weeks are you cooper?

This is my 2nd and I also went into my own world when in labour with DS so think I'd be ok on my own. Am seeing the mw next week so am going to ask her what they'd do if I was on my own. I'd be ok having no birthing partner but would be really unhappy if I was left alone completely. Don't mind at all if it's a student with me - just worried how I'd get help if there was a problem and I was all on my own xx

cooper44 Sun 23-Sep-12 22:09:53

am due next saturday.

I have talked to my consultant lots about the second compared to the first - I think that although obviously you have no idea how each birth will go you will behave in a similar way. So with my first I was very much inside my own head, wasn't really bothered about OH being there to be honest and she said you will probably be the same. Def talk to the MW and make sure that you feel sufficiently reassured. Maybe even ask her about the student thing.

Are you happy with your hospital? Where abouts are you?

wkmmum Sun 23-Sep-12 22:30:08

Not long then! Good luck - will be thinking of you. Please let me know how it goes if you can.

Will definitely speak to my mw. I'll be giving birth at a mlu attached to a hospital this time as the maternity unit at the local hospital (where I has DS) has closed down. Have found it hard to find out what people think about it as it's so new. Am going to as mw about having a tour when I see her as well.

Am pretty sure I'll deal with it the same as with DS. I went into my own world that time and XH could easily not have been there as far as I was concerned. So don't think I'll need someone there to help me get through it xx

cooper44 Sun 23-Sep-12 22:31:54

will try my very best to come back to you with an update post-birth - do message me if I forget to give me a nudge though and good luck when you see MW.

Flojo1979 Sun 23-Sep-12 22:40:22

wkmmum u will be on a ward, u can pace around, they will leave u on your own but you'll have the usual orange button to press if u feel u need it or wedge your door open. I doubt they'll have the resources to sit with u for hrs. But assuming whoever takes u in will stay a while, chances r you'll be ready to deliver when they go.

BiggerAndBadder Sun 23-Sep-12 22:41:09

i had 3rd and 4th with just mw
fine
3rd home birth and dh upstairs with other dc
4th meant to be at home, went to hospital for a check and ended up giving birth. they didn't ring dh. he was more annoyed than me
it was okay. x

1944girl Mon 24-Sep-12 00:45:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wkmmum Mon 24-Sep-12 09:53:22

Thanks for all your messages ladies.

Have got up this morning to an email from a doula who was recommended to me. She's free around my due date and is registered with doula uk so can help me through their access fund. Just new to arrange to me to see if we get on. Fingers crossed xx

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