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Who is looking after your child when you go to give birth?

(13 Posts)
TrenteSix Wed 12-Oct-11 18:50:13

I ask because I'm due in 6 weeks and we haven't come up with a good solution.
We haven't lived here that long. We do have family near, but they live right across town, and we're not close.

It would make sense for our 6-yr-old to go to a school friends and be taken to school and picked up as normal, only he's made just the one good friend since we moved and the parents are pretty awful (we try to get on with them for ds's sake). I don't think I can ask them, can I? They don't ever really want to talk to us and the two sleepovers the boys have had have been disasters - they sent ds home because he was acting up. sad I want ds to be with someone we trust to like him. I haven't a flamin' clue what we're going to do.

thistlemuncher Wed 12-Oct-11 19:12:17

No idea sad IL's live over an hour away (by car), and there's likely to be snow and MIL doesn't like driving in snow so potentially will have to wait for the train if it's during the day. At night, no idea. I assume that I'll have to get to hospital by myself and DH will stay at home with DS... I don't have any friends who live nearby who don't have v. young children to look after themselves. Turning up and dumping a tired, woken, grumpy DS on someone is hardly practical.

I certainly wouldn't ask someone to look after him that I wasn't comfortable with. Could you find a babysitting agency who could send someone out?

tinky19 Wed 12-Oct-11 19:53:17

Hi there,
I'm in the same boat. just moved into the area and closest family (my dps) are 4 hrs away. i've told my mum i'll be calling her at the first sign, just hope it's an obvious one and i don't labour too quickly. Was induced with ds so no idea what a natural take off and labour will feel/be like.
good luck

TrenteSix Wed 12-Oct-11 20:13:55

I think it might be me going to hospital alone sad if I can't get my cousin to step in, but I have 6 weeks to work it out with her. Fingers crossed.

One of my friends said I should get dh to spring it on this couple at the very last minute so they can't refuse. DH is game for it, says we should have a bag packed. Do people do that?! I don't think it's right.

Iggly Wed 12-Oct-11 20:21:57

Honestly - you can't leave your DS with people you don't get on with. Could you fully relax during labour with the knowledge that if DS "plays up", they'll want to get rid.

Other option is to have a home birth - is that an option you'd consider?

whackamole Wed 12-Oct-11 20:24:15

My other half sad

Unless I go into labour late Friday or at the weekend, so my mum can drive up (200 miles) we literally have no one to look after the boys. Like Tinky I was induced first time round so have no idea how long I will take, but hoping that if I can call mum when my waters break/twinges start she will be able to get up here in 3 ish hours.

The only other person who could help (MIL) is currently really unwell, even if she wasn't she is a SENCO in a school so can't take holiday or leave during term time. I was going to look for a babysitter, but there isn't an agency round here and I'm wary of leaving my 2 two year olds with a stranger who they don't know! Also a babysitter would most likely not be available during the day.

TrenteSix Wed 12-Oct-11 20:45:33

I guess it is more normal than I thought for women with one kid already to go it alone?
Of course I couldn't relax knowing he was at their house. I can't relax around them, they clearly look down on our family. But I was tempted by what my friend said, as they just wouldn't be able to refuse and ds does love their ds.

SazZaVoom Wed 12-Oct-11 20:47:58

My CM looked after DD1 as we have no family around. She is accredited for overnight care which was great. In her absence we would have to have asked our neighbours i think

LaWeasel Wed 12-Oct-11 21:03:32

Could you ask the teacher at school if they could recommend a "responsible parent" that you could ask? Your DS will know the child then at least, and you could arrange a few playdates in the meantime to see how they go. On other threads like this lots of people have said they would be willing to look after a classmate of their child.

We are in a similarish situation, I do have a good friend who DD would be fine with but she's also heavily PG and it's just not going to work, if I go into labour during the day we will call a friend or relative from 2hrs+ a way and I will have to go it alone while DH deals with DD until they arrive and can take over the childcare.

golemmings Fri 14-Oct-11 13:59:29

We had a team of 3 on standby to look after DD (25 months): our next door neighbour (who has a 4 yr old), one of the co-ordinators of the local toddler group and a friend from toddlers. None of them were particularly close friends (but are much closer now) but were well known to DD and were flattered to be asked. We also had DD's nursery on standby to take her on the days that she didn't usually go if necessary.

Have you got a bumps and babes group near you? You might find a friend there who would be happy to help or a nanny/childminder might be he way to go - leaving your son with them for a few sessions to get to know each other and having them 'on call' when you need them.

Melissad Fri 14-Oct-11 17:58:17

this has made me feel a whole heap better, knowing I'm not the only one with this problem! I'm almost 33 weeks pregnant and have two older daughters and family all live miles away. I've got two local friends on standby for dd1 and the same for dd2, but can't imagine phoning either of them at 2am, should I go into labour at an awkward time. I went into labour overnight with my daughters and didn't need to go into hospital until the next day, and obviously my husband was with me, so didn't need to call him home from work. Worst case scenario involves me having to get myself to hospital (do I drive myself or call ambulance?) or get hubby to drop me off and come back later when he's dropped the girls off. It is a worry.

Allboxedin Fri 14-Oct-11 18:26:55

I have a few people on stand by for our 2 year old but like the rest of you am worried about calling them at night time, especially as dd has never slept away from home without one of us.
We havent been in the area that long but I have met a couple of people at the toddlers group and a church I take dd to sometimes.
I would ask a teacher maybe if they could recommend anyone and hopefully they will come up with something.

If it happens at night time for us I think I will probably go it alone and dh can come to and forth with her.

SlightlyScrambled Fri 14-Oct-11 18:34:25

My PIL live 2.5 hours drive away and are the closest family. We just spoke to them this week about and they agreed to come and look after DD (2yrs).
FIL wanted to know if I will know the day before it all happens. Ah, we can only wish!!

I'm hoping that my waters don't break at 2am like they did the last time.

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