sex after childbirth?

[jillamona]

I hope some of you might be able to help me. i gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy in june and he is wonderful and everything is great. but me and my partner have not had sex since may, i was really not in he mood at all in the last few weeks of pregnancy and obviously the first few weeks after giving birth were not the time to start things going again. but now i feel like it has been going on for so long with no sex and i am worried. we have tried a few times but it just doesn't happen. i am ready to get things back on track, but my partner just doesn;t seem interested, this was never a problem before. he is still very affectionate, tactile, tells me he loves me all the time, but i'm worried that he is not interested in me sexually anymore. i did put on some weight after having the baby. some of which i've lost, but not all. also i probably don't look so good anymore, with the extra weight and less time to spend on myself. i'm worries too that seeing me give birth has freaked him out. have any of you any advice, how long was it before your sex lives were back to normal after giving birth ?

[QTPie]

Hi

Congratulations!

A couple of suggestions:

• Firstly getting a little time to yourself: getting yourself sorted out so that you feel good about yourself (hair, nails, beauty routine) and "feel a bit like your old self". After you have a baby, you often get lost in "being a mum". Time to find a little time to focus on yourself.... Regardless of a little extra weight, if you feel better, then your confidence will shine through and that should remind your partner that you are more than just a Mum...
  
• Secondly arrange a date night: sort out a babysitter, both of you make an effort, go out and enjoy yourselves "as a couple". Possibly something romantic, but certainly fun.
  
• Thirdly, don't put pressure on yourselves: one of the biggest things to put people off sex is thinking that you "must" have sex... If date night leads to sex, then great... If not, then maybe the next one will? Rediscover yourselves and eachover as people (and not just "Munmy and Daddy") and let things naturally follow on.
  

Best wishes.

[yeahyeahitsallmyfault]

talk to him. My normal is just that MY normal (almost non existent tbh!). Talk talk talk, tell him what you think and see what he has to say. Good luck.x

[emonslemons]

this was part of the reason i wanted to try and have sex soonish after i had my dd. because its really important. i had gained shed loads of weight, but i was in the mood for it and so was hubby......are you in the mood? i think that makes a big difference, make an effort, get dressed up for the occasion....shock him a bit......go get waxed and beautified....and if things still dont hit off......have a good chat about things.

if you dont fit your clothes properly anymore (this was a problem for me years after i had dd) make sure you go out and buy yourself something super sensual.....its for your sake as much as his, because the sexier and confident you feel the more tempted and intrested he will feel.

[solidgoldbrass]

He may well be seeing you as Sacred Mother who he mustn't have naughty thoughts about any more, especially if he had a traditional/superstitious upbringing. As others have said, firstly try and spend a little time being yourself rather than Mum (it's pretty much essential to do this anyway) and then spend some time with your H just as a couple and see what happens. And keep talking to each other and being affectionate. Best of luck.

[iluvchips]

I'm in similar position myself right now- no sex since night before baby was born in June. DH has said his sex-drive is a bit low, but I think it's more because I've been a bit stressy with him than my flabby tum. I'm intending to initiate a bit of a date night involving a large glass of wine, stubble-free legs and clothes that don't smell of baby sick! How could DH possibly resist?!

[Rhubarbgarden]

It took us months. Tiredness, fear it would hurt, feeling unattractive, worrying it wouldn't 'feel the same' for him, these all combined to put me off. Eventually we talked about it - should have done that much much sooner; and it turned out I wasn't the only one with the issues. It turned out he was terrified of hurting me and terrified of putting pressure on me. The advice already given about spending some time sprucing yourself up and going out on a date night is solid gold. Worked a treat for us. Good luck.

[Angel786]

Hi op,

I had a 3rd degree tear so it was at least 4 months before we tried, and at least 6 months before it was comfortable.

Most of the time now I'm shattered but from about 8 months it became more frequent.

I agree with previous posts, date nights are really important. Also, wearing nice clothes, doing your hair / make up might make you feel a bit bettercabout. Yourself.
Enjoy!

[redexpat]

Is he being wonderfully selfless and not mentioning anything to not put you under any kind of pressure?

Could you go to a hotel or something for a night and just pend some time together. Talk about how you feel about each other, how it changed with arrival of DC etc. It might take a while, but dont give up.