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Childbirth

Shd yo DD come to hosp to meet new sibling or meet at home?

25 replies

titferbrains · 07/09/2011 21:03

she is not scared of hosp. Better for her to meet at hosp - soon after birth - I think I'll be desperate to see her and have a cuddle and reassure her - but then don't know how long I'll be in hosp and don't want to upset her if I'm not coming home with her.

She's been quite clingy.

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iarebaboon · 07/09/2011 21:16

If it's anything like our hospital, assuming all went well with the birth, you get kicked out after either 3 or 6 hours.

Depending on the time of day you have your baby it's possible that she won't get a chance to visit you in hospital

titferbrains · 07/09/2011 21:17

this will be after a c-sec, am expecting up to 3 days

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ceebeegeebies · 07/09/2011 21:21

I had a c-section with DS2 (and DS1!). DS2 was born at 10am and DH went and picked up DS1 from nursery mid-afternoon and bought him up to the hospital. DH also brought him back the next evening for a while and then I went home the next day.

I couldn't have coped with 3 days without seeing him (had not spent a night away from him before) and I think it was important that he didn't think I had abandoned him. However, DH did have to drag him away on the second evening and I was very as I could hear him screaming 'mummy' and sobbing whilst DH carried him away so maybe it would have been better if he had stayed away??

He was 2.4 at the time - not sure how old your DD is.

TabithaTwitchet · 07/09/2011 21:22

I stayed in 3 days, DD came to visit in hospital.
She was really excited but found it all a bit overwhelming, and started to cry too when the baby cried. (I was a bit conscious of the racket we were making and felt the other people on the ward were annoyed about it - probably hormones making me oversensitive).
I felt it was important for DD to meet her new sister and see I was OK, but I think being in an unfamiliar place on top of everything else was a bit much for her. But she is quite a sensitive child anyway.
She wasn't upset about going home without me though!

missmehalia · 07/09/2011 21:29

My DD1 came to visit to see me and DD2 (csection, unexpected). She was 7 at the time. I made sure I knew what time they were coming, and had a 'big sister' present ready. I also made sure I wasn't holding the baby at the time (luckily that was how I wanted it, and it happened to work!) When they arrived, I gave her a big hug. New baby gave her the present (which was something pretty immense she'd wanted for ages, portable DVD - we saved for quite a while for it!!) She then got to watch Dr Who on my telly in hosp whilst lying in my bed, then visited the dining room with just me and we had lunch together - she was allowed to eat my pudding.

It worked well, but she was old enough to understand. The only bit she remembers now, two years later, was the DVD player and the chocolate pudding!!

missmehalia · 07/09/2011 21:33

Forgot to say, we also had grandparents who came to stay nearby and see the baby. But of course they were smart enough to say to DD1 that they had come to see her because she was now a big sister, and wasn't it a special ocasion? They spoilt her rotten, took her swimming/out to a cafe/etc. She was in her element!! It all helped. The school were also fantastic in making a fuss of her. So, it was all about her. The baby knew no different, I was relieved to be able to take a back seat.

titferbrains · 07/09/2011 22:59

whoops typo in the title, meant to put 3yo DD

I guess if I'm honest I'm worried about getting a bit emotional if she does. I wept buckets about all sorts after I had her.

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Giddly · 07/09/2011 23:03

My DD aged 2 had her first ever tantrum and set off the emergency alarm, resulting in four midwives pitching up at the bedside and giving her a bollocking.
It didn't go well.
If, in an alternative universe, I ever have another baby I'll wait until I get home.

titferbrains · 07/09/2011 23:05

eek Giddly sounds a bit full on. She is fairly irrational at the moment and tho I currently have massive reserves of calm to deal with this, I don't know how well I'd do at hosp and DH, while wonderful, doesn't manage her bonkers moments very well. Bloody hell it's a minefield! I guess I'll wait and see how I feel post op. Talking to her on the phone might be good. At least to reassure her. God I'm going to miss her.

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titferbrains · 07/09/2011 23:06

Reserves of calm only there because I'm pg I think, bound to evaporate once baby is out and I'm feeling super-protective of it!

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Giddly · 07/09/2011 23:10

I must admit we never expected it - she was pretty chilled up until then. DH carried her out over his shoulder watched by numerous hormonal and over-emotional new mums, to whom he cheerfully called "are you sure you still want one of these?" No his most sensitive moment.

titferbrains · 07/09/2011 23:13

excellent gag, I would have laughed...while hoping my stitches didn't burst...

Think I will hold off unless she is particularly asking to come to hosp. Perhaps unfamiliarity of hosp will be a bit much and it will be hard if I cannot physically hold and comfort/reassure her. She is definitely aware that something is up hence the clinginess, endless cries of mummymummymummy in wondrous rapture when I've come back from the shops/loo/other room etc.

So perhaps pushing my luck thinking that she'll be pleased about new baby in hosp just because I am.

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missmehalia · 08/09/2011 08:41

to Giddly. Where did you find him? Cannot stop giggling.

Titfer, I guess the only prep you might be able to do is go on one of the routine hospital visits and take her along? So she knows where you'll be, and may be able to say if she wants to visit. She'll see other visitors there on her visit, etc. ??

Really difficult to say something that may help, all kids are different, especially at that age. I suppose you can just use this time before the baby's here to give her lots of cuddles etc and see how it goes.

Bumpsadaisie · 08/09/2011 14:16

I think a lot depends on who's going to be caring for her, whether she has met a newborn before and has got used to the fact that they cry etc.

My DD will be 2.4 but she will be with her grandparents who have her two days a week anyway and with whom she often stays over. By a lucky twist of fate too a couple of close friends have just had newborns, so DD has had a chance to hold/stroke one and see that they do cry etc (she was a bit alarmed at first but seems to have got used to it!)

So I'm thinking DD will come to visit with her grandparents asap!

Bumpsadaisie · 08/09/2011 14:16

PS she has been to all the scans with us too so she knows the hospital a bit.

SootySweepandSue · 08/09/2011 14:20

I would allow her to come in as soon as possible. She will be worried and miss you. I think seeing her mum would outweigh the weirdness if hospital and new baby.

MrsBloomingTroll · 08/09/2011 15:18

Our DD was 3 when DS2 was born 3 weeks ago. DH brought her into hospital a fee hours after DS was born. DD was so excited, huge smile on her face. She brought in a present for DS and we had a present for her "from DS".

No tears, she was just very excited, and worried about me.

lakeofshiningwaters · 08/09/2011 16:41

Maybe play it by ear Titfer. We planned for DS to come and meet DD in hospital after my CS, but as it turned out, he didn't want to (think he thought the doctors would try and take his temp, which he hates!). He was 2 3/4 at the time, and I spent 4 nights away from him - agony for me, had never been apart before. DS was unsettled, but not too bad. DH and GPs were making a big fuss of him and he was being allowed to do all sorts at home that he normally isn't allowed to!

MrsBloomingTroll · 08/09/2011 18:26

Should have typed "few hours" not "fee hours".

To help DH/GPs entertain DD without me and keep her mind off things whilst I was in hospital, and in early days after the birth, I put a box in the kitchen with things to entertain her, like a box of cake mix for baking, some things to make and do, and a couple of CBeebies/Peppa Pig comics. My Mum seemed to find it useful.

titferbrains · 08/09/2011 19:18

mrsbt yr box sounds lovely, what a fab idea.

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mousymouse · 08/09/2011 19:23

depending on the hospital they might not let young children in to visit due to risk of infections.

titferbrains · 08/09/2011 20:48

siblings are allowed according to hosp leaflet.

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MrsBloomingTroll · 08/09/2011 21:01

Hi titfer hope things going ok for you now (re. our thread about a month ago) I must say that I'm finding the newborn + toddler much easier than the toddler DD + pregnancy at the moment, but toddler is definitely more difficult than the newborn!

Am still a bit sore from the birth (stitches, nothing too bad) but also much easier coping with toddler without the massive bump, as at least I can put DS into his baby chair or Moses basket when DD wants something!

Chynah · 08/09/2011 22:23

DS met his new sister when she was about 6 hours old. I has ELCS and grandparents were looking after DS and brought him in to visit when I said I was fine and up to visitors. He 'gave' her a present I'd got but he was only 15 months himself so not particularly interested in her! I spent 2 nights in hospital then went home and he was fine with her.

titferbrains · 08/09/2011 22:49

Yes mrsbt things going ok, have had to adapt and find new tactics for coping with DD but all much easier as I've been a bit calmer and talking to her more, offering cuddles when her moods escalate which seems to diffuse things. Am really going to miss her at hosp but hope it will give me a little bit of rest too!

Glad that you are recovering well. What does your DD make of it all? is she interested in the new baby? Congratulations btw!

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