AIBU to still think about labour with DD2 and find it horrendous?(29 Posts)
I gave birth in November 2010 to our lovely DD2. I gave birth at 38 weeks after a two hour labour on the floor in front of the X Factor and the paramedics and midwives almost didn't make it in time. I thought I was constipated but my waters were bulging out and I was pushing.
To make it worse DP had D&V and DD1 who was 2 at the time was awake and feeding me chocolate fingers.
After the birth the placenta got stuck and this is where the fun began. I was taken into hospital and DP couldn't come with me because of his D&V so I was alone. They tried to manually remove it without anaesthetic (just gas and air) which was horrendous and the doctor had his arm fully up me. He then told me I had to go to theatre to have a spinal block which was my worst fear and I had to leave my baby in the care of the midwives.
For eight hours I was numb and couldn't feel much while DD2 was breastfeeding (I couldn't even pick her up) and I had to stay overnight in a hospital I hate on my own with DD2 while reeling from the night before.
AIBU to be scarred from this? I never want to do that again. I feel so bad because when I look at DD2 now I realise she's amazing and I shouldn't even be thinking of labour but I still have nightmares.
You poor love. You sound like you're still traumatised - I'm not surprised. It was a bit of a nightmare for you!
Of course YANBU. Just because things did work out ok, doesn't mean you'll forget about what was a frightening experience.
Have you talked to your doctor or health visitor? Maybe you would benefit from counselling?
Just read your last line - saying you still have nightmares. I wonder if you've had a kind of PTSD reaction?
Poor poor you
I'm so not surprised you are feeling that way. Have you spoken to your doctor? Would be entirely understandable to have ptsd
I'm not sure. I've spoken to DP but he doesn't really understand although he tries to. I spoke to my GP after giving birth who gave me antidepressants to control the manic depression I already had but I haven't spoken to my HV as I thought nine months down the line people would think I'm just crying out for attention.
What are the symptoms of PTSD?
Firstly - this probably isn't going to get entirely supportive responses because of where you posted it, so PLEASE IGNORE ANYONE WHO TRIES TO TELL YOU YABU.
You sound traumatised to me. Sadly, it's very common for people to belittle how women feel after a traumatic birth which just makes it worse. Because you feel shit about something, and then someone tells you you have no right to feel shit about the thing you feel shit about.
The Birth Trauma Association are really worth contacting to talk through some of this stuff.
I hope you are ok x
I'm sure there are plenty of reasons why they do it, but the manual removal of retained placenta scares the bejesus out of me. My friend had this too.
Could you have some counselling or talk it through with the local midwife?
Symptoms of trauma really. Hightened anxiety, fear, vivid dreams or flashbacks, hypervigilent, preoccupation, shock ...
They will lose their emotional charge eventually. Keep talking it through might speed it up, and ant-depressants might help.
One day you may laugh about it - XFactor, DH with D&V, being fed chocolate, the Dr's arm etc .....
YANBU. Please talk to your GP. I think many women feel like you, a friend also has described to me what happened to her when her placenta got stuck, I am not surprised you are traumatised.
Be brave and talk to them, ring on Tuesday and make an appointment. It's not okay for you to e traumatised and having no care for feeling like you do.
I had retained placenta with ds2, when they tried to manually remove it I found it more painful than giving birth yanbu it was very traumatic
I know exactly where you are coming from because I had a retained placenta with DS2, doctor attempted manual removal without any pain relief. It was like being tortured.
I did go on to have DC3 though and had a textbook birth with her, no pain relief etc...
I hope you are able to come to terms with your experience soon and can get the counselling or therapy you need.
YANBU at all. It sounds like a really horrible experience which doesn't detract from the loveliness of your dd at all. It took me a long time to get over the traumatic birth of my dd. I saw a midwife/counsellor which helped and talked it over alot with friends too. See if you can get some similar help, but in the mean time I send big hugs.
I think I'll see my GP on Tuesday and contact the HV. I don't want to keep reliving it in my head, it can't be healthy.
Ds3 was 8 weeks early and I suffered cord prolapse so needed emcs under general anaesthetic , he is 5 and a half months now and I still relive it, though not as much as I did. I'm 15 weeks pg and think I will talk to my consultant about it at my next appointment, I think speaking to your hv and gp is a great idea. I wonder if it's some thing to do with post traumatic stress , either way it's not nice to be going over and over something that was so traumatic
YANBU. I also had manual removal of placenta 6 months ago. I was diagnosed with PTSD last week
YANBU if you have bad memories it's ok.
I had a traumatic enough birth to relive it each day 15 months on. It was so bad that I refuse to have sex to eliminate the slimmest chance of getting pregnant again - my idea of a nightmare. I have siblings who I love dearly but my DS shall be a single child!
Check out support groups they ate good!
YANBU, I had a manual removal of placenta in my last pregnancy and now I'm 34 weeks pregnant the thought of it happening again worries me more than the actual birth.
However having said that for me I had to put in into perspective, it wasn't a good experience but it could have been a lot worse and at least the baby and I came out fine the other side.
I hope that you are able to come to terms with what happened but if you feel you need help go and get it, it's perfectly understandable.
"I think I'll see my GP on Tuesday and contact the HV. I don't want to keep reliving it in my head, it can't be healthy."
It's kind of normal for your body to go over and over it until it's worked it through.
Seeing your GP sounds good - and anti-depressants would restore chemical imbalance that's come about with all the stress hormone flooding your system.
Annoyed on your behalf that even one person could put yabu. Ridiculous. I am so sorry OP, and sadly I do understand, though am feeling a bit better about my own experience now. Time isn't working for you so def take the step and ask for support. It is an awful thing to have an experience in your life you'd do anything to forget, even if that same experience brought you what you love most. Hope you get the support you need to stop your suffering x
Been there too with retained placenta after birth of DS2. It was a very unpleasant experience. To be honest I've tried to block it out. The thought of the doctor pulling it out (under spinal) makes me feel sick. In fact I feel quite sick typing this. I feel for you that your DH wasn't there. I still hate the thought that I wasn't there for that first bit of DS2 life. Also annoyed as couldn't go home and annoyed as didn't want DS1 seeing me all hospitalised.
But most of the time I don't think about it and he is nearly one. If you can't move on you need to find someone to talk too, probably professionally.
YANBU. I had an awful birth with DS (2 yesterday) with forceps and a manual removal of placenta. I have thought about it several times a day every single day since. I'm expecting DC2 in Nov and have spent hours discussing it with my independent midwife. Talking it all through, including a proper birth debrief has really helped.
I gave birth in Germany and had a retained placenta. They tried a catheter, acupuncture, ice pack and shot of medicine before removing it under a general anaesthetic (like a D&c apparently but my German is dodgy so I may have misunderstood.) Manual Removal sounds horrifically traumatic to me.
I had a horrendous birth experience with DS1 over 19 years ago. It ruined my pregnancy with DS2 because I was just so scared of going through that again. Thankfully I had a wonderful birth experience with DS2 and that helped lay it to rest a bit.
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