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MAJOR baby blues - will it turn into pnd?

(17 Posts)
Steadyon Sat 13-Aug-11 19:03:08

Am suffering with major crying at everything at the moment, i feel like i do not have a bond yet and can honestly say that i am not sure i am 'in love' with my little baby Beth yet. is this normal for 6 days after birth? started feelign like this on wednesday (day 4) and i am concerned that it will turn into pnd when my husband goes back to work. i made the decision the night before last to not breastfeed as was too stressful for me, so feeling a bit of a failure in terms of that!
I am doing all the duties of a mum, changing, feeding day and night and cuddling etc so i know i am cut out to do the job, just want to know if i will get over this blues stage before it turns into pnd.
Anyone else out there with this feeling?

kickassmunkiii Sat 13-Aug-11 19:47:37

Bumping- others with advice will come soon but I couldn't see you go unanswered.

You are doing fine- having a baby is a huge thing and it DOES take time to get used to your new life.

Once your DH's leave is over can you organise for friends/family to come and help you?

Can you speak to your midwife about how you are feeling- she may be able to put you in touch with groups of new Mums for support.

And you are NOT a failure regarding the feeding. I had to stop BF and I know the guilt you can feel. You love your baby, you are looking after your baby and you are feeding your baby.

You are going to be OK, keep talking to people, let them know what you are feeling and let them help you.

Oh and have a hug from me, I felt totally overwhelmed but now my little bundle is 8 months.

Mumswang Sat 13-Aug-11 20:03:31

Holds steadyons hand tight and shares tissues

I'm on day 4 and a weepy mess. Have cried on and off all day

The positive is I remember this from DS1, and being told by supportive friends and relatives, Its normal, natural and it will pass

I'm clinging onto that at the moment

Remember it's early days, our worlds have turned upside down, our bodies have taken a hammering, we're knackered, our hormones are wild, 9 months of planning, imagining and anticipating have come to fruition and it's terrifying

I also remember being shocked and surprised that I didn't feel instant love for DS. This time I cry everytime I look at him because I love him
So much it hurts and I am scared he's confused and neglected. He's not, he adores his little sister, has been shouted with presents, love and affection and is completely unbothered by it all

You'll be ok, you really will but keep talking and recognise that what you feel is very very normal and will almost certainly pass soon

Mumswang Sat 13-Aug-11 20:05:38

Hope that doesn't sound like I'm belittling your feelings

And DS is showered with love, not shouted

Chynah Sat 13-Aug-11 22:24:01

I had major baby blues with #2, sat feeding her crying (well wailing really) while parents in law could hear me downstairs, getting all melancholy to songs etc (plus crying!!) Loved her but didn't feel it (if that makes sense!) I was left on my own from 5 days post birth (CS) though which I don't think helped the feelings. Felt completely back to normal once I stopped BF at 4 weeks so maybe it was hormonal although never felt it with #1 when BF.

trixymalixy Sat 13-Aug-11 22:27:52

I had major major baby blues with DS, it never turned into anything more. I think about 2 weeks after DS was born it started getting better.


Steadyon Thu 18-Aug-11 10:39:36

Thanks all, good advice there. but....I thought i was feeling better as hadn't cried for 3 days but had a major breakdown last night and "i dont think i can do this" rolled out of my mouth. oh man i really dont know what i am doing and my husband is bonding with her so well. i can do the changing, feeding, sterilising, burping, house tidying, everything I can do, apart from when she cries I have no idea, and I lose it completely and just feel useless. I dont know what she wants. My husband does so well, he tries things and and then tries them again and again until something works. I just sat upstairs rocking her last night, she was crying and so was I. It is weird, I felt the stronger one out of my husband and I last week, but it has swapped round this week and am a ball of nerves. Am also nervous of my husband going back to work on monday. help!?

jimper Thu 18-Aug-11 12:22:36

Poor you Steadyon - I know how you feel. DH is great with my 10 week old DD. He talks to her, dances with her, sings to her and lots more - and I am so tired and useless all I can do is stare at her feeling helpless. He has just gone back to work this week and she and I are doing it our own way. I cried all the time in the early days but it has got better. Babies cry - you will figure it out.

Boosaphena Thu 18-Aug-11 15:42:11

Gosh you poor thing. I think you are giving yourself a very hard time. It sounds like you are doing amazingly well. Your body has been through an incredible upheaval and you are going through so many hormonal peaks and troughs, especially with stopping the feeding, I think that may give you a drop in oxytocin which will not help you lift your mood.
I didn't have the rush of love with my second, I still feel guilty now. I loved him and would have killed for him, but I was in such a state of shock at his arrival I couldn't get it together. I did eventually, and now I completely adore him but it's so hard in this early days and it feels like so much is expected of us to fit into the perfect mum mould.
Have u spoken to mw? It almost sounds like you could do with an hour or 2 off to regroup and collect your thoughts?

I hope everything turns round for you x

soniaweir Thu 18-Aug-11 16:30:41

i really feel for you and do think you are giving yourself a hard time . with my first i had a horrible birth and then failed to breast feed. I felt like such a failure and there were lots of tears but i did bond with him in time. My DH bonded straight away. I don't think it matters if you don't bond in the first few days or weeks. you will eventually and you have to think to yourself that you have been through the biggest change to your life and it takes time to get used to this new life and it also takes time to know your little girl too. don't rush it and don't give yourself a hard time. You are doing a great job and one day it will click.

nearly 3 years on with my ds i adore him but i still remember how i felt and all i can do now is give him all the love i can. He won't know how you are feeling so don't sweat it. please!

i think it's really difficult when you have these feelings that are not written in books and you don't expect it. my mum would go on and on about the overwhelming feeling of love when you first see your DC but i never felt that and thought there was something wrong with me but after talking-to loads of other mums i now know it's normal. Thats just the way i am even with men it takes me a while to fall in love!!!

take your time and try and enjoy.

theborrower Thu 18-Aug-11 19:48:19

Gosh you are at such early days! Don't stress - you can do it! It's such a major life shock, be easy on yourself. And you know what - I think we're all at it - we all sob over the first week or so, we just don't tell each other about it.

I cried all the time in the first few weeks, I had major baby blues! Unfortunately for me it did turn into pnd later on (a few months later) but that's a long story. So my advice would be - if you're still feeling like this in a few weeks time, talk to your HV about it, just in case it develops into something more serious.

Be kind to yourself. When your husband goes back to work, it won't be as bad as you think (I was terrified!) - if you manage to get showered and dressed before midday you will be doing amazingly well. Don't worry about the house, just concentrate on your baby and resting (you've just had a baby - you need to physically recover too) and don't have any expectations about getting much done for a while yet. Try and get out for a walk if you can, the fresh air and exercise will perk you up.


Steadyon Thu 18-Aug-11 20:57:12

wow ladies, you are all amazing with fantastic advice. i think i am being a bit hard on myself and my expectations are so high. shock to the system is an understatement and a half, but i have always wanted to be a mum, so i know i will get used to it (eventually!), with the support of my my hubby and family friends etc.
really appreciate all the messages of support and that it is normal to be going thru it, i have had a good day today and feel more confident (but hey that could change!) am planning on doing something every day when hubby goes back to work, even if i have to walk to the shop to get milk every day!
thanks again all xxxxxx

Boosaphena Thu 18-Aug-11 22:18:41

Glad you are having a better day today.
Just a word of caution, dont be too regimented in doing something every day-sometimes you just won't feel like it, and that's completely fine. But if you've told yourself you ARE going to it may make you feel bad if you just fancy a pj day (which you really really will grin ) I used to tell myself never to try to do more then 2 things a day, ie 1 thing going to shop, 2nd thing meeting friend fir coffee, or rhyme time, or whatever. On the days I used to try and cram everything in I felt totally wiped and like I'd not a lot of crap v badly.

Just be kind to yourself x

HandMini Thu 18-Aug-11 22:25:54

Steadyon - In relation to the "it's all fine until they won't stop crying" thing, I completely understand, I feel the same way and I think that's normal.

You try and try and try so hard to do everything you think the baby needs - changing, feeding, soothing, cuddling, that it's incredibly difficult to feel unable to meet whatever need the baby has. But don't be afraid to hand her over to your DH to help - you too will learn your own soothing skills over time. I think often DPs and DHs just have that one level of detachment (having not physically carried, birthed and fed the baby) that allows them to get much less upset by crying (sorry if that sounds callous to DPs and DHs, it's not meant to).

As one (great) midwife told me: all babies cry and some babies cry a lot. It's the only way they have of communicating.

Best of luck - the first few weeks are really hard work, but you will be great.

mrsbabookaloo Thu 18-Aug-11 22:28:07

I second the "only try to achieve one or two things in a day" advice: I ran around so much with dd1 DOING stuff all the time, and it didn't help me to establish bfing (which partially failed) or to feel OK, which I didn't.

As for whether baby blues will turn into PND, you probably won't even know if it's a hard thing to define and we often only realise we had it when we're out the other side.

Take it one day at a time, remember you're doing really well and don't expect too much of yourself. It's only natural to dread dh going back to work.....arrange as much support/company as you can.

It's such a rollercoaster, and you can go thru so much in one day. I have to say, that whole "enjoy it, cos it goes so fast" comment that you get from so many people really grated on me, because some days it really didn't fly by; a day can seem like a century with a newborn.

(mrsb thanks god the newborn days are behind her)

soniaweir Fri 19-Aug-11 07:13:49

I have to say i thank god that newborn days are behind me. nothing can prepare you for them and i've realised im not a "newborn" type of person. Personally from 6 months i really begin to enjoy it. It's putting me off having a 3rd baby!

BagofHolly Fri 19-Aug-11 13:46:51

Before I had DC1, my very wise midwife said "don't worry about day5 tears. Rarely lasts, just ride it out." She was right and knowing that made it a whole lot less scary. Mine lasted about 3/4 days then tailed off. Hang in there, all normal, I reckon!

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