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I really don't want to give birth in hospital.... hospital really don't want me to not give birth there... HELP!

(25 Posts)
voodoomunkee Fri 29-Jul-11 13:14:32

Little bit of info and then really really would appreciate people's thoughts or suggestions.
I am 25 + 4, been for an appointment at the hospital I am transferring my care to today. They are a large hospital who deal with the majority of pregnancies etc in this area. They have a cut off point for BMI of 35, mine is 37. I have no other risk factors and 2 other children. Also I have not put on any significant amounts of weight and am normally fit and well. I truly do not want to give birth in hospital. The consultant is willing to discuss my options at 32 weeks, they are saying I can't go to the MLU but must remain on consultant led care however when I asked why I cant have a homebirth they said well we would have to push to get you on MLU rather than deliver at home. I said well I would truly prefer not to go into hospital and their stance was that they had all the things I would have at home..... my bed after delivery? I think not. Please dont think that I would be in any way putting my needs before that of my dd. What do I do? Help! Thanks in advance.

KellyKettle Fri 29-Jul-11 13:16:34

Hi VM I have some links to share. Bear with me...

JiltedJohnsJulie Fri 29-Jul-11 13:18:16

Could you ask them for some information on what the added risk factors are between the BMI of 35 and 37?

whostolemyname Fri 29-Jul-11 13:20:00

Dont panic! i would suggest that you ask to have a meeting with either one of the supervisors of midwives or the consultant midwife (if the unit has one) or the matron/head of midwifery. You could then discuss your wishes and worries and they can help you to make a plan. It may be that they will allow you to use the birth centre as a compromise or they may make a plan to make a homebirth a safer option for you.

They cant make you come in to hospital, (but they can deny use of the MLU) but its worth exploring all of the options with them fully before deciding.

Good luck.

BitzyVonMuffling Fri 29-Jul-11 13:21:25

Did you have any complications after your other deliveries? I put on a lot of weight in both my previous pregnancies, giving me maybe a 31-32 BMI by the end (though obviously I don't know how BMI works in pregnancy) and both times I lost a LOT of blood afterwards. It's the one thing that puts me off a homebirth this time round, though I don't know if there was any kind of connection to my weight. I can understand the longing for a homebirth. I'd love to give it a try, especially since apart from the bleeding my second labour was a fabulous experience. But I just consider it too risky. And I only live a 5 minute drive from hospital.

KellyKettle Fri 29-Jul-11 13:21:28

Being informed to make your own decision is probably your only hope. It may be that your research leads you to the conclusion that hospital is better. It may not... (section "can I have a Homebirth if...").

Good luck, there is a HB support thread too you could join and ask others there.

CombineArvester Fri 29-Jul-11 13:25:08

Do you think it might be possible to reduce your BMI? My friend did, I think it was on a special weight witches / slimming world diet for obese pregnant people, she's the only person I know who actually lost weight whilst pregnant.

voodoomunkee Fri 29-Jul-11 13:34:29

Hiya, thanks so much for your quick replies all of you. Blitzy no, no complications at all after either delivery, I think though the fact that is a while since the other 2 were born that this isnt going too much in my favour either!

Kelly I think I shall be reading those links later on when my brain is ready to make a logical argument! smile

Combine I have asked this, they seem to say no that it would be better just to have a healthy diet. They were suprised I had put on so little weight really. I would be happy to lose weight, if I had been ttc then I would have lost weight prior to this point so would have gone to slimming world or the like.

Obviously my BMI will increase as my weight does with the baby. It is possible to expect to put a lb a week on? I have at least 15 weeks left so can guess that it is reasonable to expect to put on 15lbs? Argghhh.

BitzyVonMuffling Fri 29-Jul-11 13:37:42

Honestly I think 15lbs is probably too much if your BMI is already in question. But again, I speak as someone who only has to pee on a stick to gain 10 pounds. If I were you I'd ask to be referred to a dietician for the remainder of your pregnancyto demonstrate that you are taking action. And then you may even get down to the magic 35 and tell them to sod off

FutureNannyOgg Fri 29-Jul-11 13:42:59
You might find this handy.
I wish they wouldn't use BMI like this, it's a terrible measure at the best of times and doesn't apply when pregnant. A little more thought and I am sure there are other measures of health that would give a better indication of risk.

voodoomunkee Fri 29-Jul-11 13:48:54

Blitzy what id driving me mad is they didnt measure me properly at the start and I was already something like 12 weeks pg when I was first weighed. I instantly also put on 10lbs as soon as peeing on a stick has occured! I am literally watching everything I eat, I have cut out just about everything that could be bad for me, fizzy pop, choccie, crisps. I just have crippling heartburn so cant munch on fruit as a lot of it makes it worse instantly :S

Nanny, yep BMI is not the greatest measurement they ever put in place..... the consultant even said to me today well if u were 35.1 you would be in the same boat... god.

I am honestly willing to try to lose weight but when I ask what I can do it seems that there is nothing.....

BitzyVonMuffling Fri 29-Jul-11 13:54:38

So what are you eating? With my first 2 pregnancies I know I thought the hell with it, didn't weigh myself the whole time and tbh bitterly regret it. I'm not talking about dieting, but making good choices. Which of course is difficult when sickness and heartburn kick in. But by 12 weeks the weight of the baby is negligable. That's all you. I'm only just 7 weeks (well, I hope, but that's another thread) and have lost weight this time. Only a few pounds, but I started this pregnancy at my lightest weight having got totally fed up of being overweight. I'm more aware of the right choices now. Obviously it's too late as we're already pregnant(!) but there is no reason you need to keep gaining really. You very possibly could still lose weight between now and delivery. It depends on how much you want the homebirth I suppose. I'm really going to concentrate on making the right choices this time. Losing more than 4 stone is no fun and I'm sure contributed to my PND. I don't want to risk it again.

voodoomunkee Fri 29-Jul-11 14:14:29

Ah congrats (?) Blitzy, am hoping you keep well.

I try to have salad with my meals, I don't eat much bread of any description as it isnt worth the heartburn pain! Tonight I am having some roasted chicken, couscous and salad. Tomorrow is my OH's birthday so am having Fajita's, I may have some sour cream on them or the spices will give me heartburn.... Sunday will be roast chicken and veg probably. Lunch wise, soup, ham salads etc. I probably have pasta once a week with tomato sauce and veg, jacket potato with either tuna or cheese and salad! I probably have chips once a month. Cereal when I can for breakfast. Curry (homemade) once a week and an on toast night most weeks - although mines ficticious toast now!

Any tips would be well appreciated! Should I buy an exercise dvd or something? I work full time and whilst the summer weeks are my busiest times and I am not sat at a desk I could probably do with getting more exercise. I hate going for a walk (throwback of my OH who would climb a mountain a day) but dont actually mind exercising in other ways.

BitzyVonMuffling Fri 29-Jul-11 14:24:35

Ah I don't think I'm really qualified to give tips. Maybe look at portion sizes. And don't fall into the trap of thinking 'well, I'm fat anyway, another slice won't hurt.' I know I did this both times. I now also know that it was carbs and sugar NOT fat that made me fat. With ds I was guzzling orange juice by the litre and it's packed with sugar. I don't actually eat all that much fruit, just lots of veg. I eat salad at least once a day and this (way tmi alert) means I haven't suffered the dread constipation. For me it's all about filling up with protein. So breakfast would be eggs or maybe musrooms, lunch is whatever I can grab, and dinner is a big salad with a bit of everything chucked in. I have chicken and cheese in the fridge for a quick snack, and endless packs of celery. That's really helped my nausea actually, somehting cold and crunchy seems to do the trick. And no squash. It drives me insane that dp drinks so much blush and wonders why he puts on weight. Can't comment on the exercise really as I am exercise phobic and avoid as much as possible. My exercise is to walk everywhere,and it's how I lost all my weight. WHen the baby's born just walk everywhere with the pram. The weight fell off me. Havign said htat, come September ds will be at preschool for 3 mornings and I may invest in a DVD to stop me from makign a nice bumshaped dent in the sofa. I hear Davina's in good.

voodoomunkee Fri 29-Jul-11 14:30:08

Ah no see thats really useful! Sometimes just need to think about things in a different way eh?

Funny am just looking at a Davina DVD and trying (and failing) to find a reasonable Aquanatal class.

KellyKettle Fri 29-Jul-11 16:33:06

Can you go swimming? Or to aquanatal?

I don't know if I'd want to do an exercise DVD for the first time at 25 weeks pg. Think of all your looser joints and ligaments.

I have just heard about classes called Dancing for Birth. They look like they'd burn a few calories. My nearest is 20 miles away so I can't travel but a friend goes and loves it. I'll see if I can find a link smile

KellyKettle Fri 29-Jul-11 16:37:19

Thats it but its not the video I saw. This looks a bit more chilled out. They were offering a free taster class at the one Manchester I think. Others may be too.

KellyKettle Fri 29-Jul-11 16:45:26

Oh last two things from me.

You can do Zumba when pg (I have a friend who started recently).

And, getting down to a magic BMI number might not be necessary. I have another friend who had a HB despite being "a fat lass" - her words. She said the hospital were against it (DC3, 2 previous Hosp births) but the MWs were great and she had a fab birth.

What are the risks that being in hospital would mitigate? I can understand increased risk of BP probs, Gestational Diabetes etc but these would be known before the birth anyway. If you're otherwise fit and well, what's their argument?

Debs75 Fri 29-Jul-11 16:48:31

I managed to lose 57lbs when pregnant with dd2, I was 17.5stone to start with. I did a Shapes healthy eating weight loss group and just followed what the govt say is a sensible diet. 5 fruit n veg, portions of fibre and protein and dairy each day, can't remember the specifics but basically if you eat the portions they suggest you are full and leave no room for rubbish.
Looking at portion sizes helped me to realise i was shovelling in way too much food.
I did a lot of walking to stay active.

you can lose weight safely when pregnant as long as you don't restrict the important vitamins and nutrients, best not to do a meal replacement type diet but healthy eating and smaller portions makes a huge difference.

Good luck

Loopymumsy Fri 29-Jul-11 20:08:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumwithdice Sat 30-Jul-11 12:11:16

I had the same problem. My only risk factor was a high BMI. Agree with FutureNannyOgg (waves, I used to be LLKH) that it is a rubbish measurement.

Does the hospital have a specific homebirth team? If so, talk to them first. The consultant tried to tell me that the homebirth midwives wouldn't let me have a HB, but once I'd talked to them, they told me that was ridiculous.

And I had a lovely HB with no complications and no tearing. So it is possible.

voodoomunkee Sun 31-Jul-11 09:45:40

Hi everyone, thanks for all the messges. I had a day off from worrying about this and chatted to my mum and a couple of friends who, whilst not sure they would go for a hb, can see why in my position I might want one and why I feel a bit bloody hard done by!

The only complication I have is the slightly increased BMI. I am extremely worried about this magic number of 40 where if I reach that then all my options are entirely out the window! I can understand in a way that they need to measure it but to be honest [slightly naive emoticon] it had not occured to me to keep measuring it when I was heading for 3rd trimester! How in gods name can they know what is baby and what is me without more tests?

Everyone is making really good points that it is not impossible to ask for a homebirth and I think I am going to see my community MW. What worries me is that I dont think she, whilst being supportive in a respect, would be pro active enough to help me challenge it.

Loopymumsy Sun 31-Jul-11 10:46:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

voodoomunkee Sun 31-Jul-11 10:50:42

Thank you Loopy. I am in the inbetween area! Even the doctors could see the issue and their answer was that well we have to have a cut off point somewhere - true but this means there can be no flexibility. Arghh. I shall go and do some reading smile

KellyKettle Sun 31-Jul-11 15:58:04

I second the yahoo group. If I were you, that would be my next stop for info gathering. Lots of midwives and people who have homebirthed outside of NHS guidelines so you'll get solid advice.

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