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Dad's watching the birth

(12 Posts)
candr Tue 26-Jul-11 20:32:21

I have a number of friends who are 10+yrs older than me and a few of them have divorced. Since being pregnant most of them say to me that allowing their DH to watch the birth from the business end ruined their sex lives and gave him an image he could never get rid of. I am early 30's and wondered if this was an age thing or are they looking for excuses for unfortunate failed marriage. I want DH in the room but do not want to scar him forever (or do a poo in front of him) Some books reccomend he holds a mirror so I can see but not sure I want to really and he is not that keen to see but that may be to make me feel more comfertable. How did your DP/DH feel about 'seeing' what was happening?

lollystix Tue 26-Jul-11 20:39:35

Dh has seen me do it three time. He doesn't like it but that's cos he's worried for me. He's held the sick bowl whilst I vomited green stuff into it over the side of an operating table and he's scooped poo out of a birthing pool for me. Our sex life if fine - too much so as I'm accidentally pregs with ds4 blush. I think you'll find he's just completely in awe of you after the event (and very glad it's not him having to go through it!)grin

ginmakesitallok Tue 26-Jul-11 20:40:46

What utter rubbish your friends are spouting! DP was at the business end for both of my DD's births and he ranks it as the best experience of his life. Sure our sex life has changed since having kids - but that's more down to the lack of sleep, constant childcare etc than him having seen me give birth!

However, if you are both not keen then just have him at the head end.

reikizen Tue 26-Jul-11 20:45:42

Our sex life improved if anything as we both had a deeper love and respect for each other. As a previous poster said your sex life changes for many reasons but I'd think very little of a man who claimed that childbirth put him off sex with his partner! Most men say they are going to stay at the head end but then get swept up in the moment and want to have a sneaky peek ime. However, I would say that if you think your relationship is not one where he can wholeheartedly support you there is absolutely no shame in choosing a more appropriate birth partner.

QTPie Tue 26-Jul-11 20:46:52

Do whatever the both of you are comfortable with....

A good relationship will only get stronger with whatever happens (both in the delivery room and the strain of having a newborn afterwards). A weak relationship may suffer (I even saw one torn apart - within 6 months of a traumatic birth, although have no idea what he saw or didn't see....).


mosschops30 Tue 26-Jul-11 20:47:58

I agree what rubbish.
Dh has seen far worse of me than childbirth, its made us closer and i habe such respect for the way hes dealt with things.
Imho if a man would end his marriage because he was a bit freaked out by chikdbirth then hes not worth marrying

bt1978 Tue 26-Jul-11 20:48:47

Before the event we agreed DH would stay at the 'top end', but as it panned out I delivered kneeling on the bed facing the head board with him watching from the end of the bed and he saw EVERYTHING.
Has not affected our sex life at all.

BeautifulBirths Tue 26-Jul-11 22:05:24

I am a midwife. In my expereince there are two types of men. Those who would not miss it for the world and think of their partners as the most beautiful amazing women. They are truly in awe of the women. These men enjoy the birth and have complete admiration. The other type also adore their partners and have complete admiration but really would prefer to admire from afar. They suffer seeing their partners experienceing labour and feel out of control. They would rather not watch but this does not mean they love their partners or babies any less. It is more a cultural thing that men are at births now rahter than instinctive. So discuss it with your partner. He'll know which man he is. As a mother I can tell you I asked my hubby not to be there as I was worried he wouldn't see me in a sexual way again. I have seen this many times in my career and had men confide in me about this. However, he insisted he really wnted to be there. He didn't feel like he had to be. I was wrong and he was right. He really enjoyed it and it hasn't affected our sexual relationship at all. So, give him the choice. If he chooses not to be there don't be offended and remember he adores you and your baby but can best support you from afar. If he really wants to be there trust him too.

LittleWhiteWolf Tue 26-Jul-11 22:08:44

DH saw all sorts when I was in labour, but our sex life has improved since having DD. I can honestly say that the hours I was in labour for were the finest of our marriage so far. Although I was doing the physical stuff, we just felt like a team and that was a great way to begin our lives as parents!

But it is entirely personal, so it'll be down to how you and your partner feel.

Greenwing Tue 26-Jul-11 22:20:12

We made the baby together and we wanted to be together for the birth. DH actually had nightmares about his fear of missing it. He found it 'the scariest experience of his life' seeing me in pain and worrying about the outcome but would not have missed it for the world. It felt like a team effort and I felt that I could not have coped without his wonderful emotional support.
It certainly did not affect our sex life!!!
He confided in me how scary it was after I had our last baby ... then I conceived again so for birth of DS5 I appreciated him even more!

needsanswers Wed 27-Jul-11 00:04:28

hi candr i know several women who have given birth and none of there husbands/partners have ever not wanted to have sex with them afterwards.
when preg with 1st i was utterly terrified and very very strict to my partner that he MUST remain at my head at all times and if he looked down there id kick him out of the room, i like u was really worried that after seeing that he would never see me the same again, that he would never wanna be with me again.. after a very long painful labor, which he was AMAZING i actually remember 1 part me crying saying i couldn't and didn't wanna do it anymore and wanted to go home, i look over at him and he had tears streaming down his face because he hated seeing me in that much pain ( was a moment i will never forget) anyway as soon as the pushing starts were all so generally caught up in the moment and want the baby OUT that ur dignity goes out the window and he was down there holding my leg up and watching me push for over an hour and i couldn't i cared less.... the only thing that has changed about our sex life is we have to wait till our daughters in bed lol. now 20weeks preg with number 2 i made the mistake of watching a birth on you tube and OMG i feel like i am scared for life lol and now look at my partner in amazement that he can still find me sexy after seeing that lol however i think the men are more fascinated that they are about to meet their child for the 1st time rather then what it looks like lol, id like to say he wont be looking down there when i give birth this time around but i can pretty much safely say as soon as i feel the pain i will not give a toss!! talk to ur partner about it and see what he thinks!! GOODLUCK

mybrainsthinkingfuckyou Wed 27-Jul-11 00:15:32

Oh thank God for that - i thought you meant YOUR Dad.
As in planned opposed to Jim Royal accidental birth partnering.

My DP described both births as being train wrecks he couldn't divert his eyes from...but we have had a haphazard lovelife since then - less sex due to being knackered rather than put off. Unless the second one was immaculate conception..

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