Anyone going it alone?(23 Posts)
DH came in with me for DD's birth, but I think he would much prefer to stay with DD this time. I am still in two minds - a little nervous doing it by myself, although he will take me to the hospital etc....but on the other hand we don't realy have anywhere for DD to go especially if the baby came at night time and I don't want to be worried about her (she will be 24 months when baby 2 comes) My family live a long way as do most of our friends and I don't really want people staying with us during that time as we don't have a very big place. Mum will be coming down after about a week when DH goes back to work, she did offer to come and look after DD if I went into labour but as she lives a long way from us it would be very difficult for her to get here in time.
Has anyone else decided to or done it alone before?
I am just thinking well in many countries the man wouldn't go in anyway and before about the 70's they didn't either so I can't be alone!
Well, thought I'd post a reply even though may not be that useful.
We planned a home birth. Obviously, this delt with any childcare issues easily. We decided in advance that if a transfer was needed, husband would stay in the house with son as I would have all care I required from midwives (we did have IMs though so felt very confident that I'd be well supported)
I laboured at home with both my husband and son in the house until 8cm and then we decided to transfer when things seemed to "stick". Things actually progressed very fast after transfer and I discharged myself hours later to the safe care of my loving family.
Have you considered a home birth? Or at least staying at home long enough to be supported by husband until you felt you NEEDED to transfer. Generally speaking, the longer you labour at home, the better in terms of intervention and instrumental delivery stats go, so plenty to be said for it!
I was obviously slightly sad that husband had missed something so huge, but never once felt alone or scared, isolated etc due to the imense support given to me by the IMs. IMs are obviously not for everyone and maybe out of some people's reach financially (though many will happily discuss payment options and recieve payments in kind too)
Maybe you could also consider investigating Doula options? just a thought!
Best of luck!
Thanks for the reply carly, I am actually being consultant led so have to be on the ward. (previous clotting episodes and now on blood thinners )
Ivortheengine8 would a doula be an option? Trainees can be cheap (sometimes free) and then you get the benefit of a bit of extra support before and after the birth too as well as someone who's comfortable with birth and supporting women?
I can help you find someone local if you want to meet one or two and see whether it might be for you?
Squiggley, I had thought about that but wouldnt be able to afford a fully trained one I don't think. Like you say I could have a look for a trainee or someone willing to do it for a smaller price. Where would I look?
I had all five of mine alone whilst dh looked after the others at home. The first one I sent him home because nothing much was happening, and ds was born before he managed to get back. I realised then that I preferred him not there and dh was relieved because he is very queasy so after that the plan was always that I'd be alone whilst he stayed with the others.
I suppose it's not the norm anymore but the midwives I had were hugely supportive and dh has always got to the hospital about half an hour after the birth.
It might not suit everybody but it worked well for us.
I might be doing it alone....not too keen tbh, will be fine if everything is as fast as last time. I'm not so worried about the actual birth itself as the midwives were fantastic last time. I'm more worried about the bit afterwards when you have someone to
wait on you hand on foot pass you stuff you stuff you need and look after the baby while you take a bath.
DH works quite a long way away, my Mum might get here in time to get me to hospital and look after the DC's...was desperate for a HB but for various reasons it would be a bit too high risk for me personally.
I was alone for DC2's birth - DH had to look after DC1 as I went into labour on the one night that we didn't have childcare arranged.
Unfortunately it was the only non-straightforward birth I had, and when things were going wrong I felt very much alone. The medical staff (all 6 of them) were in the room, and doing everything to get the baby out safely. Which is, of course, what I wanted them to be doing. But I felt that there was no-one there for ME, IFSWIM.
Hi Ivorthe, I am currently 37 wks, and will be having my 3rd ELCS at 38+5 wks, yes going it all by myself, DH will drop me in the morning of ELCS and but will have return home with the kids, we have already spoken to the midwife about this, and they are ok with it, But DH seems to be a bit worried now. Actually a friend of mine had offered help, but it turned out that her mum who had cancer is very poorly now and my friend and family are leaving for the States to see her on tuesday week, and few other friends are on holidays with their kids. Both of our family live abroad so there's no other way.. I am just hoping for the best and wish you gud luck too.
Thanks ladies, I feel better knowing that there are more of you. Jolly, you are due quite soon so I wish you the best, I would like to know how you got on if possible, though I know you will be busy.
Phylis, when are you due? I am hoping DH will be there as soon as possible after the birth.
Sorry yours wasn't as straightforward jee, was your first one easier?
Insanity, thats really positive too. thankyou.
I'm due in a few weeks Ivor, right in the middle of the school holidays! Great timing as all of the guys DH works with have school age DC's so there is at least 1 person off on holiday through Aug. Not that many of them either so when one is off they are super busy, it will be interesting! I suspect that he could be back to work fairly swiftly afterwards.
Have a look on www.doula.org.uk for details of doulas near you. Trainees are also on there and you can call/email to find out about costs.
If you are on benefits you could also apply to the hardship fund (see the above website) for a free doula.
If you need any help, DM me.
Thanks phyllis, will you let us know how you get on too?
Squiggley, I will have a look at the website thanks.
Thanks 1944, I guess it was normal, but did people have birthing partners back then? (sister,mother etc) or did they generally do it by themselves?
Must have been hard on your own after the birth, did you have any help?
I will do Ivor, hopefully DH will bring me the laptop up to my bed (if I get a chance to lie in for long !)
Thats incredibly interesting 1944, My mum had 5 of us but that was a bit later in the seventies with her first twins and I think my dad went in to all of them but he was also a trainee Dr at the time so they might have been more receptive.
I don't know much about the rest. But I know she had a lot of help from my dad and he was very involved.
I don't blame you for not BF, wasn't it far more accepted back then anyway to formula feed? Must be incredibly diffcicult with a toddler , a newborn and doing by yourself. I would find it (and probably will) very tiring even though I will have my husband after the birth to help me out a bit.
Did anyone have things to say about you not BF or did people mainly accept it as normal.
I tried with DD for about 2 weeks but I switched after difficulties and I just couldn't seem to get used to it. I will try again with dc2 but I know that there will be a lot of pressure again and that is likely to put me off even more.
I used to watch some of the carry on films which always have the men trembling in their boots outside the labour room or doing funny things when their wives were pregnant.
My DH is actually of African origin so I think in his culture men generally don't go in, even though he is very westernised and even born in Birmingham I think it still seems a bit alien to him.
I had my second child alone (21 years ago) - DH stayed and looked after DS, then two, as family 250 miles away so could not be called on in a hurry.
No problems, no regrets at all. It was the most practical solution at the time.
I did get few raised eyebrows from the midwives, at not having a "birthing partner", but to be honest I preferred it that way. The midwife and in particular the student doctor who delivered by DD were marvelous.
Of course, I knew better than to let anyone know I would not be breastfeeding once home!
None of the women in my family have ever had a DH or birthing partner present. Actually my grandmother told me yesterday that when she had my Aunt 50 years ago, my grandfather just dropped her off and when back to work as he had patients (he is a dentist) and did not come back until the next day when it was visiting time. :0
They also did not have help at home after their births .... which seems to shock most of my friends when they ask if my mother is coming afterwards (she is in the states).
I plan to go at it alone ... it just feels better and less stress. I want to concentrate on having my child vs worrying about my DH or friend. Its not that I want to be perceived as a gungho feminist or such, but there is something quite therapeutic about it being about me bringing my child into this world.
Maybe I am just a bit strange
IVOR, I am due on AUG 11, will be having my ELCS on 3rd Aug . gudluck..
Good luck Jolly an darling. I'm sure we will be fine
I agree, I think I would stress out about dd if we had to find someone at night time.
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