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male ob's?

(10 Posts)
violet59 Thu 20-Jan-11 21:45:52

I was wondering what hospitals do when a woman requests no men be involved in her care? (apart from danger/emergency!) I think having a male ob/midwife/nurse etc would raise my stress levels so high it would actually slow down and complicate labour. I feel REALLY strongly about this, I know men can be great doctors but I just want to be cared for by women and a strange man touching me in one of the most vulnerable times of my life would be very distressing. Smear tests with female nurses lead to panic and vomiting for me, can't imagine what a man doing anything to me while giving birth would do to my mental state. And I honestly don't think I'm one of those people who 'won't care' when I'm actually giving birth.

Do hospitals try to accomodate this or will they just tell you 'too bad'? Do they take this seriously or just hope you won't care after since 'you have a baby and that's all that matters'? I think babies need mums who are happy and not filled with anxiety and other horrible feelings.

liquiditytrap Thu 20-Jan-11 21:48:40

I think they will try to accommodate you. As long as you have a 'normal' labour without complications, you will only be attended by midwives and it is very likely they will all be female. If you run into problems, then there is a fair chance the doctor will be a man, especially if you need a consultant. But, to be honest, by the time you need a consultant it is quite a serious situation and I don't think you will mind too much who you get by that point, if a male doctor is the only one around. If it's a choice between a male or a female doctor and both are around, they will get you the woman.

frikadela Thu 20-Jan-11 22:26:13

My hospital were very very accomodating and asked every step of the way of I had a problem with a Male even entering the room never mind doing anything.

Turns out they had a male midwife who caught my dd as she came out as he was the only MW available at that time (2 emergency births came in just as I was about top push and it was all hands on deck) I was very anxious but He was fantastic, so caring but stern when midway through the big push I gave up and said baby would have to just put up with living on the inside grin

My sister and mum are both PG and have both requested this particular chap hes that good.

I know if you have anxieties about men then this wont change your mind and when you ask for only women then they will accomodate you... you should feel as comfortable as possible. Just wanted to highlight my situation in which my fear and anxiety didnt turn out too bad smile

chloeb2002 Thu 20-Jan-11 23:17:43

I must admit in my experience men are geberally very very good ob's and midwives! With DD i had a male midwofe and he was very very understanding and 'gentle' compared to the female ones ive encountered this time! My obs this time is a woman but i have seen two male obs registras and they were much better than the female understanding when and why i wanted to see there boss and not them.. so i very quickly got over any issues about men involved in my ... intimate... cares!

frikadela Thu 20-Jan-11 23:28:31

I supposed it really helped that my midwife was obviously gay but not overly camp. When he was checking how dilated I was he said he'd "never been one for the bearded clam but yours is lovely and neat love" I laughed so hard I actually peed all over the bed.

He really lightening the mood for me because I was shitting a brick very nervous at the beginning.

I think some female MW especially can be a bit harsh, especially if they have had kids of their own, its a case of I did it so you can too, not realising that to some childbirth is pretty much the scariest experience EVER!

violet59 Thu 20-Jan-11 23:38:38

Frikadela: OMG! I would have burst into tears/been so offended had someone said that to me! Glad it helped you though :-D

Personally I'd rather have a rough and bitchy female than an understanding/gentle male. Males (apart from DH) involed in birth just scare the crap out of me.

TheRealDeal Thu 28-Jul-11 05:03:21

Hospitals will try to tell you 'too bad' but it is your right to insist on what you want and need. They will try to intimidate and manipulate you with comments such as 'we do not have the staff' etc. This is untrue. Always organise your medical team in advance – you can do so yourself by contacting your medical practitioner or midwife.

Peed all over the bed? How humiliating. I'd have punched him. I don't want someone gentle, I want a "mechanic" who knows what they're doing.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 28-Jul-11 05:07:26

And another one

Jacksmania Thu 28-Jul-11 05:37:20

FFS. I'm going to report.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 28-Jul-11 05:38:37

She's gone onto the freebirthing ones now. It's not all in one section, either, so she's clearly doing word searches to find them.

I've reported too, thanks Jacks I was starting to feel like I'm just mad.

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