Last baby and it feels so so sad - anyone else feel the same?

[arizonagirl]

I have been incredibly blessed - four healthy children (2 of each) all 6 and under. They are my world and I am totally besotted. My last baby is now two weeks old and I know that he will be my last - hit the big 40 and want to have enough time to devote to my gorgeous children.

But....it is so sad. I feel really sad when I look at him knowing I will never hold a newborn, hear that precious newborn cry, have a tiny baby grab my finger. And knowing I will never wear those maternity clothes again, see a pregnancy test turn positive, feel a baby kick, see that gorgeous dress on a little one again.

My husband keeps teasing me - telling me to get rid of all my baby stuff, to enjoy my two week old as he is the last. It makes me feel really sad. I can't help thinking 'never say never' but know it would be the wrong thing and I would only feel the same way next time. So I just need to get over it.

Is this just me or do most people feel happy when they know their little bundle is their last. It just feels so final .

[Chynah]

I felt fine til I was getting rid of the clothes :(

[babybear5]

awh arizonagirl..i know exactly where you are coming from. Everything you have said i am going through right now and thought i was alone and mad. I have been blessed with 5 children, 4 girls and a boy (and my boy isn't the youngest lol!..everyone thought we carried on to have a boy but he was followed by my dd who is now 9 months old. I love the baby days and cant help everytime i do something, thinking this well be the last. I know i need to take time now for my brood and i am also 40. I have also said never say never and i would secretely love to 'accidentaly' find out i was pregnant again but i wouldn't do that. When do you get to the point that you are definate in that this is your final child though? I always get to the year mark and want to have another. It is so sad that it is so final can't we just go on having babies forever !!!

[arizonagirl]

oh babybear5, thank you so much for replying and letting me know it isn't just me. Most of your post could have been written by me. 5 children - how wonderful . But interesting that you still feel the same way - so I guess having one more would not help in any way.

Have just looked at my little one parachuting in his moses basket - these days are so so precious. Perhaps we should just leave it down to the biological clock So many of my friends say "never again" and seem so sure - I so wish I could feel like that. I am excited about the prospect of having more quality time with my gorgeous children - but on the other hand, that newborn phase - you just can't beat it!!

What does your other half think?

[SparklyJules]

I don't think the feelings ever leave you... I now rely on getting my baby kicks from my friends and family!

What you said about wanting to be able to devote your time to your children as they grow up is lovely.

You are so lucky, so so lucky to have four beautiful children to love and be loved by.

Just swallow down the sadness... and think of the grandchildren!!!

[bytheMoonlight]

I only have two and am approaching 30 but think my 2wk old will be the last. We can't afford another and dh thinks we are complete now with our two girls.

It makes me so sad to think I will never be pregnant again though and, although dh is not a fan of the newborn stage, for me it is one of the best parts. They are so small and adorable, I can't believe this is the last time I will breastfeed a baby, the last time I will see that 'milk drunk' satisfied look or smell their heads.

DH is so set this will be our last one but such a large part me already wants another one and I can't imagine ever not feeling this way. Makes me very sad

[babybear5]

my other half dotes on the children as much as i do and he to would go on having them. but like you i feel it is time to devote to the others..saying that, my eldest is 15 now so will probably leave us for uni in a few years (more room for babies . I dont think the feelings will ever go away and i am really scared that this feeling will carry on and stop me from enjoying the children that i do have.It is like a constant nagging need and as you said my friends seem content so why am i not? Lets just leave it to the biological clock as you said and who knows we might fit in another four or five . I'd love to keep in touch with you. you sound very similar to me in your thinking and it would be lovely to hear if you did go on and have more children

[SparkleSoiree]

Awww, my youngest has just turned 3 and I am full of sadness this year as she is my last of 3 children. I am pleased that I don't have to go through the whole pregnancy thing again (not a natural carrier!) but sad that the next new baby that will be produced as a result of me will be my grandchildren!! That could be in a few years too considering my eldest son is nearly 19!

[babybear5]

aw bythemoonlight..i know what you mean..that newborn smell, satisfied look after a breastfeed, the first smile, their little hands finally unclenching....I AM SO BROODY NOW

[babybear5]

SparkleSoiree you sound you like you have an age gap similar to my children. Just think of all the nice bits of being a grandmother, all the cuddles etc but without the sleepless nights

[JustOneMorePlease]

I am so pleased that i'm not alone. Am 28 weeks with dc4 and it is the last one. Am worried how i will be after i've given birth as i have always had the thought that there will be another when i've delivered previously.

dh would have stopped after 2 so am lucky i guess. I am seriously expecting tears! I even suggested we surrogate for a friend of a friend, but dh looked at me like i was bonkers (they have 3 embros of their own frozen but no success when they have had others implanted)!!

We have ds1 (7) who has downs syndrome, ds2 (nearly 6) and dd1 (1) so plenty to cope with, but i think for some people it never feels right to stop! Some of my friends think 4 is crazy but i'd love more. I feel like i have loads of time too as i'm 34!!

Am seriously concentrating on enjoying the last 12 weeks of this preg as i'll never do it again. sniff.

Baby machines all the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[frankenfanny]

I just wanted to jump in here as it struck a chord- you are not the only one feeling like this.

I am 40 and felt "just one more", even though my youngest of 3 is 5. We agreed to try, and luckily fell pg straight away and #4 due around Xmas. I am treasuring every moment of rubbing oil in my belly, feeling kicks and looking forward to the newborn stage that passes so fast, but also feel like I am saying "goodbye" at the same time, it is difficult to know that once this baby is a toddler that part of my life is over.

I don't think I will get broody again,though, since I felt there was a "space" waiting for another child , it is not just having a baby. Maybe when my eldest (15) leaves home I will feel another "space" but then I know that the space is not for a child, it is for ME, to grow in to the next stage of my life and enjoy all the stages of the other children.

My friends who have already decided to stop at 2 or 3 have already gone through this, and are finding things to fill up their lives. It makes it easier for me to see that, but sad a lot of them decided because of money or to please their DH, not cos they were ready to move on. My DH wanted to stop at 2 but saw what it meant to me and agreed no matter what it cost, funnily enough it is easier this time round.

I also feel incredibly blessed.

[rpickett]

I am feeling the same at the moment, DH and I had always planned 4 children but due to complictions in my last pregnancy I have been told that it would probably reoccur in future pregnancies and for my health it wouldn't be advised so DH had a vasectomy.
I have 3 wonderful DC's the youngest only 2 weeks old so it's not the end of the world but the thought I will never give birth and hold my tiny newborn for the first time is upsetting.
However I am only 22 so we haven't ruled out adoption or even a surrogate for a 4th when we can afford another little one but it's not the same, in my opinion.

[arizonagirl]

Thanks for all your posts. It is so good to know it is not just me. Frankenfanny - I was just like you - really enjoyed my last pregnancy, knowing it would be the last. I really took the time to enjoy all those little kicks. Unfortunately, it still didn't really help take away these feelings. I just hope it will all dull down with time. Will just have to get used to it. Rpickett - has dh already had the vasectomy? That was quick work if your little bundle is only two weeks old! Enjoy those early days - sounds like your little one was born around the same day as mine!

[rpickett]

Yes he actually has it in august after a meeting with my consultant, We have very small age gaps between our 3 dc's (only 10.5 mths between the first 2 and 16 mths between my youngest and her brother), my 2 youngest I can honestly say were prevented (on the depo injection with my 2nd and the pill with condom with my 3rd) as we planned to have them with a slightly bigger age gap, so the consultant didn't want to run the risk of another accidently pregnancy as it can take a while for all the little spermies to die.
I'm certainly making the most of the early cuddly days she was born on the 6/11 btw.

[Timeforanap]

This is a beautiful, poignant thred for me too. Part of me would love to carry on having babies, but I struggle in my pregnancies and do want to give enough time to my other DC.

[Mamathulu]

Ag, you're definitely not alone - I'm 37 weeks with DC4, due to definitely give birth in the next week, and I'm still not sure that I want the snip next week, but know it's the right and sensible thing to do.
However good I am at feeding and loving my babies, I need to look after the ones I've got, and be able to give them my best, which I just can't do right now!
I've also worked out that I've spent 3 years of my life being pregnant, and I think that's enough time of not having my body to myself!
Besides, I also want to be able to play my 'cello again, which is impossible very hard to do with a bump!

[rodformyownback]

This post really struck a chord for me too (congratulations again, Arizona! ).

I'm about to give birth to DS2 and if we do have any more it won't be for some years, mostly due to money. I've had 2 really hard pregnancies with extreme sickness throughout and it's been hard to be the kind of parent I want to be while I've been pregnant. If we do decide this is the last, I think the sadness will hit me when I stop breastfeeding (I'm good at that part!) It was hard enough to let go with DS1.

I have to confess I've spent quite a bit of time in the last few weeks lurking on the adoption threads!

[nymphadora]

I'm on my last baby too :( we too planned a fourth but due to preg probs with dd3(7 weeks) I have been warned not to. I haven't managed to get rid of stuff yet though. It's still going in the loft

[sarahbuff]

Congratulations on your new baby Arizonagirl! (Are you from Arizona? I'm from New Mexico...) :) My DD is 2 weeks old today, she is my fourth baby I have 3 DS who are 5, 4 and 2. I know exactly what you mean, I am so happy with my four lovely children, but trying so hard to make the most of this amazing time because the newborn stage goes so quickly and there is nothing else like it in the world, it is so awesome! DH and I planned on four children, and I do feel really satisfied that I am finished, but at the same time I know I will find it really hard to accept that there will be no more babies in this house. The first few days after DD was born my DH was going around saying, right, I need to ring to book the snip etc then all of a sudden he was saying to me he wasn't sure, and it seemed so sad that we wouldn't have any more babies...

[Timeforanap]

IKWYM sarahbuff, I had to wait v patiently for DH to be ready for DC4, then he is born and all of a sudden DH is sad there won't be any more! Part of me thinks it's lovely he feels this way too, part of me thinks it's difficult enough for me to be sensible about stopping without knowing DH is still slightly broody too!

[arizonagirl]

Thanks sarahbuff- no, I am in the UK but love Arizona so much!!!! Great to know that so many people are feeling the same way as me. Timeforanap - that is hard - with dh being broody as well. I think it is a good job dh is now happy as I think there would almost be a fifth at some stage. nymphadora - I too was warned that a fourth would be tricky due to having had three complicated sections. I did go on to have a fourth and decided to go for a vbac to avoid the section complications - it all worked out brilliantly and the first thing the consultant said was "oh well, you can have more babies now" so don't give up hope and get a second opinion.

Have to admit I am starting to feel less emotional about not having anymore. Probably less hormonal. Loving my little one and my baby cuddles so much but I keep telling myself how nice it will be to not be pregnant and be able to have good quality time with the four of them. Just to go shopping with the girls, take the boys for a boys' day out etc. I love my life but I do feel like I am so busy that I am losing out on spending quality time with the toddlers. My two year old is so gorgeous and I keep feeling desperate to just take her out and devote my whole time to her. That will get easier if I don't have a fifth. So I need to put on my grown up head and think like a sensible mummy. Resist the urge to have another. Hard though - it is like trying to drag yourself out of the sweet shop when you don't need to but you know it is for the best.

[momino]

This thread hits a chord with me as well. I had my 3rd right before I turned 40 and she's been an absolute treasure, a gift (had been a 'surprise' pregnancy). I also knew that we shouldn't have more: I had three babies in 3.5 years and didn't feel my body could take another pregancy if I'd wanted to fit another one in (iykwim). It's also become very expensive having three little girls!

DH had the snip quite soon after dd3 was born so that was the decision made. I'm still so broody with 'baby' now 18 mos. But I'm treasuring everything she's doing in these magical years, not taking anything for granted. Yet the longing is still there...

arizona, I'm going to take your advice to 'put on my grown up head'. Hope you can feel ok about it and also: congratulations on your little one!

(btw sarahbuff, I'm from Ohio but live in the UK - would love to live in NM or AZ, love Santa fe.)

[arizonagirl]

Well said momino. A friend of mine said the other day that she would love to keep having babies but at the end of the day you have to raise all to the best of your ability too. That comment somehow made me feel far more at peace with things. Babies are sooo gorgeous but they do grow up and need so much from us . One of my friends comes from a family of six and said it was great as she had so many siblings to play with but her mum never had time to play with her. She didn't mind but I do!!! I want to be able to have the time to enjoy my children and spend some great quality time with them, be there for them and have time to listen to them when they need to turn to someone.

[sarahbuff]

Momino I grew up in Santa Fe, its a lovely place and I miss it a lot! Do you miss living in the States? I love the UK, but can't wait for trips back to visit... Most especially because I miss my family though. :) Sorry, don't mean to hijack your thread, Arizonagirl!

[momino]

Echoing apologies of hijacking Arizona (very gracious of you, thanks!), but just wanted to reply to sarahbuff. I really miss my family as well and would love to move back but it's so much harder now with a house, a dog, three young children, lots of stuff...

Trouble with visits is that flying has become very expensive (esp for a family of 5) so we haven't been back for nearly 3 years. We're going to try to go at Easter. We've been depending upon family coming to visit us here. it's not enough though, sigh.