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vba3c - was so happy but being brought back to earth with a bump : (

(33 Posts)
arizonagirl Wed 17-Nov-10 23:03:49

Hi there,

Feeling a little sad as I had my vba3c grin and was so ecstatic as it was the end of a long emotional journey for me after 5 years.

I had planned a home waterbirth but transferred due to some decelerations in the heartbeat. It was only mild but I knew it was the right thing to go in. As it was, baby was born half an hour later although I needed an episiotomy and a kiwi ventouse. But I didn't care one bit - I had my vbac with absolutely no pain relief in five hours and baby was fine...and gorgeous. I was on cloud nine.

But now I have been getting so many people asking if I am disappointed that I didn't get to do it all on my own and push him out etc etc and that things didn't go entirely to plan. I hadn't even thought to be disappointed about having an assisted birth - I was just so pleased I didn't end up having a fourth section. But now I keep thinking I should have held out and done it completely on my own. My midwife tells me baby was not overly happy and the heart decelerations were significant enough not to ignore.

And to top the lot I have some stitches from the episiotomy which have come apart. I am hoping it will heal ok so I don't need an operation later on.

Just feeling a little down after feeling so elated and euphoric. Sorry this is a bit of a ramble but just wanted to write it down. Dh doesn't understand - he says I got my vba3c which I have been desperate for and yet I am still not happy. I am - it's just all the comments I keep getting : (

Mumcah Wed 17-Nov-10 23:26:34

Congratulations!
I attempted a Vbac in may but ended up with a C section.I'm fine with it,I know my body just can't give birth!

I think people are so obsessed with birth details aren't they?

I think you are really admirable!and in no way think you haven't managed a 'natural birth'.

Enjoy your newborn and well done.

Loopymumsy Thu 18-Nov-10 06:32:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustKeepSparkling Thu 18-Nov-10 06:41:06

Arizona - don't be disappointed, i can't believe people are saying that!

Could it be (don't bite my head off ok?) that it's the natural come-down after birth/baby blues, whatever you want to call it, and that any thing that had gone slightly awry with the birth would be causing this?

I know how 'disappointed' i felt after DS2's birth, planned HB to emc-s and how much i cried afterwards, but it did pass and now i can talk about it without crying at least! and being rational which i wasn't back then. And luckily he more than made up for it

I hope the epi does heal ok, sounds painful.

Get some baby snuggles in and remember their birth means nothing to them, just the love and cuddles from then on

cardamomginger Thu 18-Nov-10 08:49:10

congratulations! you have done amazingly well and should be thoroughly proud of yourself - as well as awestruck by what you have achieved!!! you did achieve what you wanted, which was a vb and you avoided what you didn't want, which was another section. your ds's condition meant that you had to transfer - your responsibility and love for him meant that there was no other choice.

how dare people suggest that you should see this birth as something to be disappointed about! they have no right to do this and are completely out of order. it's hard, but ignore them. some people can be very competitive and cruel when it comes to birth stories and can't wait to criticise and rubbish either a pregant woman's birth plan or a new mum's birth experience. i have no idea why they feel the need to do this, but it shows that they are the ones with the problems and is no reflection on you.

i can completely understand your concerns about yout stitches - but dealing with that and your feelkings about this are completely separate. there are other threads here that provide info on episiotomy care and stitches that might be helpful.

once again - i think you are amazing for even considering a vba3c. the fact that you did it?? wow - you are clearly quite a woman!!

Poledra Thu 18-Nov-10 08:58:36

Congratulations!

I cannot understand people saying those things to you. I had DD2 with epidural and forceps after an em c-s with DD1, and I was bloody well overjoyed at my VBAC. And I'd only had one section, not three, so I take my hat off to you.

Ignore ignore ignore all the naysayers.

And wrt your DH <warning, sweeping generalisation coming> I think blokes often don't get how emotionally involved we are in how we give birth. I was in quite a state after DD1 was born and DH couldn't understand it. As far as he was concerned, yeah OK the birth wasn't the water birth I'd planned but the end result was a healthy baby and a healthy wife so he was a happy man. I had counselling at my maternity hospital, to which he reluctantly came along when the mw requested his presence. She thought some of my issues were to do with the fact I felt I'd let DH down by needing this heavily-medicalised birth and she was right - DH, on the other hand, couldn't give a flying fuck about it, and was delighted with me and his new daughter.

You are a amazing woman, well done you.

hazchem Thu 18-Nov-10 09:10:36

well i'm very proud of you! You should be proud of yourself.

LadyintheRadiator Thu 18-Nov-10 09:14:43

Congratulations The kiwi cup is tiny - you pushed your baby out and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

OnlyWantsOne Thu 18-Nov-10 09:18:25

you should be amazingly proud well done

I think its normal to feel a little down a few days post partum, seriously its F all to do with any one else - you had your baby VBAC and that is amazing and coping with other DC too, rest up you deserve it

DoodlingPomBear Thu 18-Nov-10 09:31:18

I really loathe it when people get involved with how you gave birth, why is a ventouse not a natural birth? You must have done some pushing to get that far! Good for you and congratulations, there is no way I would have even thought to ask for a vbac after 3 cs!!!!! I apparently didn't give birth naturally because I asked for an epidural that didnt' work hmm so therefore it wasn't a natural birth. Well it was more natural than having another cs!

YOU HAVE DONE SO WELL! CONGRATULATIONS! Shout it from the roof tops, you have another lovely healthy dc and that is the most important thing. There were obviously reasons that you had your first 3 cs, so this is effectively your first birth - not many people have first births tha end without any intervention at all smile.

I also agree with Poledra - men really honestly don't give a fig about how your baby gets here, just as long as you are both safe! It seems to be only other women who are interested.

Re Epi - good luck, keep getting it checked and keep it clean and hopefully it will all be ok. smile

carlyvita Thu 18-Nov-10 10:36:28

Yeah, congratulations. You laboured fantastically and ventouse hardly does anything to be honest, possibly speeding up your labour by a handful of contractions, but that's it. Basically you did it. Just not how you'd hoped, that's all.

Sounds like you and your body did great. Next time (LOL) It'll be a doddle for you!

arizonagirl Thu 18-Nov-10 10:49:46

Oh, thank you so much grin. Your posts have made me feel soooo much better and in a good place where I feel able to feel happy again.

I also had another chat with my midwife who reassured me that it was really necessary for our little one to arrive sooner rather than later.

I feel so touched that so many of you have taken the time to answer me and be so lovely to a stranger. Thank you so much.

And I will remember your lovely words when the next person asks me if I am disappointed. One person in my immediate family started telling me yesterday how terrible instrumental deliveries were and how much she hated the thought of using those 'things' on a tiny baby. Great!!!

So thank you to everyone. You have put me in a good place. Mumsnet is a fantastic place with a fantastic lot of people. Oh, and I do think some of you have completely hit the nail on the head by suggesting it might be hormones and I would probably be feeling a little low about any tiny thing that hadn't worked out right. I know that because I even started finding myself feeling sad last night that the song I had planned for the first minutes of baby's arrival had not been played. Now that is sad!!!!!!! Pull yourself together girl!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!

mamasunshine Thu 18-Nov-10 12:22:43

Just want to say congratulations smile How fantastic getting your VBAC after 3 sections...I think you should be feeling very proud and ecstatic indeed grin !!! Really cannot believe the things some people come out with shock please ignore these completely ignorant comments. You did it!! I really don't see why you had to have done it in a particular way to please some hmm Maybe they've had their own issues with birth/labour and are feeling lealou? Who knows, and really who cares...they should be very happy for you grin

I had a home VBAC last year, and it wasn't easy/perfect but I was still on cloud 9 for months and months smile

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Thu 18-Nov-10 12:30:36

Please don't let people's comments get you down.

Look at it this way, I am sure you are probably one of only a handful of woman who have had a vaginal birth after 3 sections. I think you're an inspiration tbh.

togarama Thu 18-Nov-10 12:53:58

Well done! That's quite an achievement after 3Cs.

Ignore the negative comments. Some people just don't think before they open their mouths. There's no one "right way" to give birth.

I can understand why someone would feel disappointed if they felt they'd been subjected to lots of unnecessary interventions which had a negative effect on baby or mum. I know lots of first time mums who felt like this and I understand why.

But when an intervention is useful, and in response to a genuine medical concern, it should be viewed as a welcome possibility rather than a source of disappointment.

It sounds to me as though a potential medical problem was identified during the birth, you were properly informed, and you agreed to a couple of small interventions to speed up delivery and reduce the risk of your baby becoming more seriously distressed.

Doesn't sound disappointing to me. It sounds very sensible.

I had a problem-free homebirth with DD but would have chosen to transfer and do exactly as you did in the same situation. I would only have felt disappointed if I had been pressured into something I thought was unnecessary.

Olympickney Thu 18-Nov-10 13:33:36

Congratulations! I think it's absolutely amazing that you have had a VBA3C. I am in awe <bows down>

Try not to let other people's negativity affect your glow (and I bet you have a bit of a glow about you grin).

Birth is not a test that you have to 'get right'. You and your baby are well, you avoided major surgery. What's not to be ecstatically happy about?

grin

CuppaTeaJanice Thu 18-Nov-10 13:48:30

Skyler's here and safe and that's all that matters. smile

I had a forceps birth and I never considered that to be 'unnatural'. Friends have had CSs, kiwis etc. We do what we have to do to get our babies out safely. It's not a competition.

People say stupid things though, and after childbirth we go through a hormone-fuzzled state and let things affect us more than we normally would. Please don't let a few people's tactlessness spoil your first few weeks with your baby son.

lola0109 Thu 18-Nov-10 22:16:41

Oh Arizona, don't let these people ruin your happiness! You were so pleased with yourself and quite rightly so.

And as you said there were heart decelerations so if you had held out they may have needed to perform an emcs. So you did the right thing!

Hope you are all getting on well

arizonagirl Thu 18-Nov-10 22:22:35

Thank you!!! Lovely to see some familiar faces on here grin. Kind of makes me think I know you people - shame really that I never will.

Feeling much happier after reading all your lovely posts. Midwife came today and said stitches should be fine and not as bad as the hospital made out. She is still overjoyed that I ended up with my vbac so I am going to concentrate on that and ignore any negativity.

Thanks.... slips back for another cuddle with Skyler grin

lola0109 Thu 18-Nov-10 22:39:30

I spotted the thread title and immediately thought "oh no, not Arizona" but glad you're not taking the negative comments too seriously!

You achieved what you wanted so just be happy and give Skyler and cuddle from us!

arizonagirl Thu 18-Nov-10 23:49:21

I like you lola0109 grin. You have been so supportive on both my threads - thank you!!

JustKeepSparkling Fri 19-Nov-10 07:22:58

I was thinking of you in the middle of the night (slight insomnia creeping in here!) and wanted to tell you to tell yourself a few things (coming from the POV of someone really hoping for a (H)Vbac this time round.

- You did it!
- You got your VBAC grin
- Your uterus (despite all the naysayers I'm sure you encountered whilst pg) held up & did its job
- The scars (x 3!) did not rupture (yey & phew!)
- You managed to inform yourself whilst pg
- You found supportive people to surround yourself with at birth
- Even to the point of being able to transfer with a baby in slight distress and still have your VBA3C
(am sure most docs at this point would have been sharpening their scalpels!)

I'm sure that all of us wannabe-VBACers are cheering at the result, and yet some negative so-and-sos are making you question it. Boo hiss to them i say!! grin

If you think back to your worries pre-birth, and someone could have told you the outcome, a tiny cup to help him out and an epi (that will heal hopefully and be fine), and a fabulous healthy baby boy (with a cool name, lol) would you not have thought, that'll do?

Get thee back to that bundle of scumptiousness!!

lala21 Fri 19-Nov-10 13:44:06

congratulations and well done please please don't let stupid people make you feel upset.

Epis are not nice but they heal naturally and ventouse are a way of aiding a woman who is birthing naturally.I had both. Sorry about the stitches but they too will heal.

People always have ways of making comments regarding women and their birthing outcomes. It infuriates me when people think that suddenly how you birthed your baby is a right they can comment on.

Throw it back at them and say what would have been the alternative by that point an epi and ventouse are necessary as you can no longer have an emergency c section as presumably baby has travelled to far down the birth canal.

Shut them up straight away by saying years ago a woman and baby in that situation could well have died and so any assistance when it is deemed necessary is important that's why we have medical advancement.In fact after your baby's birth you are the expert on that birth not them.

OOOOWWW AM SO MAD but then am 30 weeks pregnant. Hope you are feeling better about it all its such an emotional time.

arizonagirl Fri 19-Nov-10 23:00:19

Thanks JustKeepSparkling and lala21 - very wise words which I have taken on board. You are right - before the birth I actually told myself I would be fine with a section as baby had experienced some labour and had chosen his birthday. In the end I got my longed for vbac after 3 traumatic sections (long story). I am happy again grin

LolaBellsAllTheWay Sun 21-Nov-10 14:38:10

Aww shucks, thanks Arizona, I like you too! grin

You're welcome. Glad I was of some help even though Beauden never made it! I tried my best!

(ps namechanged for christmas!)

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