Sex after childbirth

[NoTeaForMe]

Hi,

Not sure if this is the right place to post but.....

My daughter is 4 weeks old now and I feel like I'll never be ready to have sex again! In childbirth I tore internally in 3 places and was stitched up, I also had an external graze. No-one has checked me since leaving the hospital - don't know if that's normal?! Anyway, when is it ok to have sex again? The mere thought of it frightens me to be honest, I'm sure it's going to really hurt.

Can I be really cheeky and ask how long you all waited and if it was ok afterwards?!

[Igglybuff]

Congratulations first of all!

I had a third degree tear. I was checked at 6 weeks as was referred to a consultant. My GP also asked at my 6 week check (ask your surgery for an appointment).

I didn't have sex for a few months as was quite upset with the stitching being too tight. It was painful at first but now all is fine.

[notasausage]

I had a 2nd degree tear but also haemorrhaged badly needing internal stitches and a saline balloon in my uterus.

I had a 6 week check with the consultant and my MW checked before she signed me off because I asked her to.

I didn't have sex again until 6 months and by then it was something I needed to prove to myself I could still do. It was fine - a little tight but a relief to get it over with. My advice is don't put yourself under any pressure to rush things. Don't allow your DH to do so either, presumably he was at the birth and saw what you went through...

When you do feel ready, take it slow.

[Sabineba]

I had 2nd degree tears, and the first time we had sex was about 9 weeks after the birth. It hurt like hell so we stopped and tried again a couple of weeks later. DC is now 22 weeks and it still hurts, though not quite as much as the first time... still can't imagine it ever being the same again!

[Marjee]

I had an episiotomy and was never checked, mws kept saying they would check the stitches because they were really sore but they never did . I had sex when ds was 6wks which was quite uncomfortable but not as bad as I thought it would be. Just take it slow and use loads of lube and it should be fine

[Lorelai]

I had an episiostomy and was too sore for quite a few weeks afterwards - can't remember exactly how long but we got married when DD was 7 weeks and it was definately too sore then, and for some time afterwards. But it did get completely back to normal after a while.

Best bet is don't push yourself too much, and it is ok to have sex again when it feels ok IYSWIM - you know your body better than anyone else.

[peapod2010]

I had an episiotomy and waited 9-10 weeks before any sex. It did feel very tight and, frankly, painful, for the first few times but now (7 mths later) is pretty much back to normal. I found I had to keep pursuading myself to do it as I assumed it would improve with time and, thankfully, it has.

[clarabellarocks]

We waited 4 weeks after my episiotomy and to be honest I was so tense it was not a pleasureable experience. It felt like losing my virginity all over again. It was probably a 10 months (sorry!) before I got over this whole thing of what had gone on down there and trying not to think about it during sex. My advice is not to rush it if you have any reservations.

[mum2oneloudbaby]

Wow, I can't believe how soon some people start having sex after tearing.

With dd I had a very deep 2nd degree tear (almost 3rd degree) and it was about 6 months before I felt anywhere near confident to have sex and even then only with some alcohol and plenty of lube. With this one my stitches were checked by the MW twice in the 2 weeks and then by the nurse at the gps at the 6 week check.

ds is now 2 weeks old and I had 2nd degree tear but much less deep and much less painful. I can see it will not be 6 months this time. Also, nobody has checked my stitches this time.

I would say have sex when you feel confident again take your time and don't be coaxed into it until you're ready but you will feel ok again it just takes time.

With ds I was amazed at the other women on my ward who were sat legs straddling across the bed when I could barely move my legs apart enough to walk!

[boomboombaby]

For me the worry is how everything feels inside since giving birth 12 weeks ago. I only had a small tear on the outside which is fine now I think. But I'm worried my cervix is slightly lower than it was before, as I was in second stage, pushing, for so long. Anyone else have this?