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Birthing partners?

(9 Posts)
bb99 Tue 16-Nov-10 19:54:36

DH was with me last time (my second, his first) and was fine at the time, but then spent the next 12 month moaning about how tired he was as he'd had to stay up all night and suffered from 'foot in mouth' when we were first alone with bubs ("Now you'll know what it's like to be in second place" comment went down not very well at all)

Now I am not sure if I want him to be my birthing partner/support for this baby - due in just under 3 months. I have spoken to him about what would be best for the other kids ie. he could stay home with them and get a decent nights sleep - as he doesn't cope very well with losing sleep and is far better when he gets enough sleep, but he seems insistant that he wants to be there. He's incredibly tired already at the moment (work pressure, small children in house etc) so if he wound up on another marathon birthing partner experience it could finish him off and I'd much rather have a well rested DH to come home to after giving birth than a cranky miserable git man.

Not quite sure what to do / say. Personally I'm happy to go in on my own and just get on with it, but not sure that's allowed as I know you get left alone a lot. Unfortunately homebirth isn't an option as we've had problem pregnancies in the past.

Any advice or pearly words of wisdom are very welcome as I've got 3 months to get this sorted out.

wigglesrock Tue 16-Nov-10 21:32:59

I went it alone with most of the labour with dd2, husband arrived 20 mins before baby (work issues)!! I loved it, no-one to bother with, didn't have to reassure anyone, just got on with it!! No-one said I had to have anybody with me, midwife was with me in the delivery room for last 45 mins. Am expecting dc3 in few months and am keeping fingers crossed for work emergency wink

goodlifemummy Tue 16-Nov-10 21:43:16

I am keeping DH away as much as possible - he likes to make "funny" comments at the most inopportune moments. My mum is my official birth partner and hopefully DH will pop in for the last 10 mins or so after sorting out our DC's x

LittleB Wed 17-Nov-10 12:02:06

My dh isn't v good in hospitals so my mum is going to be my birthing partner, shes great, has got v prepared, read lots, come on visits with me etc and is looking forward to having a special bond with ds. My sister was my birth partner for dd and was also great, but she now works and has 3 dcs whereas my mum is now retired, so makes sense to change. But if you're happy to go it alone then why not!?

matana Thu 18-Nov-10 09:34:01

Difficult. Have you tried being straight with him and saying you found his complaints after last time very frustrating and don't want that again, rather than say to him about looking after the other kids?

This is my first and personally i wouldn't consider anyone other than DH. He has a tendency to fuss with some things, but i'm 100% confident he'll do exactly the right thing when it comes to it and will be a strong but calming influence.

Is there someone else you'd want there?

SelinaDoula Thu 18-Nov-10 09:52:24

Have you thought about a Doula?
www.doula.org.uk/
Selina

mama2mooandbabymoo Thu 18-Nov-10 10:09:03

I had dp for my first dd and regreted it. I was so worried about what he saw etc that I did it alone the second time.

My experience with dd2 was so much better. Being on my own (with mw) I could focus so much better and gave birth in a position I wouldnt have done if dp had been there.

Dp was in the waiting room asleep!! I text him when I had been checked over and he came straight up.

If I have a 3rd I will defo do it alone smile

bb99 Fri 19-Nov-10 21:54:38

Thanks for the replies - have broached it again with him RE: him being tired and working a LOT ATM, so of course he should rest while he can and relax etc... but he does seem determined to be there. Think he may be a bit worried incase anything goes wrong and he's not there to sort it out IYSWIM, but if it hits the fan he can't really do a lot anyway.

Don't know how honest to be about the unhelpful comments as that's a WHOLE can of worms, but we'll see.

wigglesrock and goodlifemummy - that sounds just about perfect - 20 or 10 mins from the end and he can enjoy the moment without either of us having to put up with the nonsense in-between.

Have thought of a doula as a community m/wife spent almost the whole labour with me last time - I had a complex history and she asked if she could deliver my baby, so I was v.lucky to have someone there all the time who knew me well and could help (rather than just get tired grin)

Will keep chipping away at this one...

mama2mooandbabymoo Sat 20-Nov-10 21:50:28

I would be honest. I told dp that I didnt want him there mainly because of his comments a few times about what he saw. It made me feel very embarressed.

Its your labour so do what you feel is right. I put in my birth plan for dp to be called back in if anything went wrong.

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