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birth without birthing partner - bit scared

(13 Posts)
littleElif Mon 01-Nov-10 09:05:34


has anyone given birth without BP? DP might not be able to be around because he will have to look after DC1 (we moved house not too long ago - so family and close friends are not close by...).

I had him with me when my first child was born and find the idea of having it to do on my own a bit daunting...

any encouraging stories?


JustDoMyLippyThenWeWillGo Mon 01-Nov-10 09:13:23

I had ds without dh there - I didn't want him there as I thought I wouldn't be able to relax and he would be upset and also he is rubbish at being stern with medicsgrin.

He also needed to look after dd.

It was fine, tho if I ever did it again I would try to get a private doula or midwife. I had tried to do this, but it wasn't possible where I live.

rebeccacad Mon 01-Nov-10 09:58:51

LittleElif - as Justdomylippy says, have you thought about having a doula? If money is an issue trainees charge £200 or under and if you meet the criteria some doulas will even work for free as the umbrella organisation pays for their expenses.

PrivetDancer Mon 01-Nov-10 10:07:17

Is homebirth an option?
I'm in a similar situation, my mum is 2.5 hours away at the quickest. Friends nearby but not really people dd would be happy to stay with I don't think.

Planning a homebirth so at least if dd in bed she'll be fine there. If she's awake it might be a bit tricky but we'll come up with something! And worst case if I'm transferred I might be on my own.

How soon could someone get to you?

littleElif Mon 01-Nov-10 10:40:05


would take at least 3-4 hours for somebody to be with us (bet the baby will be out faster - first birth was only 5 hours ;-)

doula is really too expensive and as baby could come any day, so I suppose it is a bit too late to start looking for something like that and for several reasons I don't want a homebirth either...

just hope everything will be straight forward. MWs were brilliant the first time round (and never left me alone) so hope it will be similar this time.

PrivetDancer Mon 01-Nov-10 10:52:55

I'm sure they'll look after you even more if you are on your own.
Good luck and hope it is nice and quick so you're home asap

rebeccacad Mon 01-Nov-10 11:00:55

As you say, you had a great experience first time so should be a lovely birht this time.

If you did want me to see if there were any cheap (!) trainees free at the moment in your neck of the woods let me know your details (you can CAT me) and I can post it on the doula message boards for you.

Have a lovely birth!

ohforfoxsake Mon 01-Nov-10 11:06:38

In my experience, actually giving birth is fine on your own. Better if anything, you can really focus on yourself and what your body is doing. DC4 was born with just the MWs.

Saying that, labour can be really boring and that is the time having someone there is helpful, but I'd say not essential. Your MW will do the jobs anyone else would (getting you a drink, making a phone call etc).

How old is DC1?

Second time round is a bit scarier because you know what to expect, but know that you CAN do this on your own if you have to, and you WILL be fine.

bubbahubba Mon 01-Nov-10 11:19:04

where do you live? you can get doulas for about £200
i would suggest having someone with you?

lilmamma Thu 18-Nov-10 22:56:49

I had my first on my own and hubby with the others,and tbh,once you concentrate on delivering the baby,you dont really notice anyone,other than the midwife.

It was nice to have him to chat to,but either way it wouldnt have bothered me,good luck..

littleElif Fri 19-Nov-10 09:55:11

thanks, lilmamma - I hope it will work out that way. kind of also thought that I might be able to concentrate better on delivering the baby if only the MW is present....

zachsmama Fri 19-Nov-10 18:13:15

I had ds without dh being there. It wasn't our choice but actually the fact that he wasn't there meant that I wasn't thinking about him and how he was feeling/what he was thinking, I was just listening to the midwives/obgyn and concentrating on having a baby.

mrsbigw Sun 21-Nov-10 20:59:04

There is only a 1 in 4 chance that my DP will be able to be there but TBH I am OK with that as he has never been in the delivery suite before & isn't exactly Dr Kildare. He is squemish & doesn't like hospitals so I would probably spend more time making sure he didn't see anything that might make him pass out hmm.

It's amazing how many people want to be there as birth partners but I do tend to go into my own world when labouring so as long as the MW's are kind & not too busy I think I will be fine. I have people that I love & am close to but no one that I really feel the need to share the experience with if that makes sense? Think I am too used to being self sufficient so having my hand held ,metaphorically speaking, just feels odd.

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