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Pre-teen getting phone/SIM at Xmas. Mobile data, WiFi monitoring. Wwyd?

(16 Posts)
UnFuckingAcceptable Wed 15-Nov-17 15:00:55

Hi.
DD is in year 6.
Currently has Instagram account along with most of her peers.
At the moment we are able to monitor use as she uses family tablet and we have passwords etc. Internet use is restricted to weekends when everyone gets 'computer time' be that Xbox, tablet or nintendos.

She is getting her own mobile for Xmas from in laws. She's very excited. We are pretty nervous.
It's not possible to restrict access anymore is it?
Even if we don't put enough credit on her phone for her to use mobile data, almost everywhere has free WiFi now, including the high school she'll be going to.

Confident or deluded that she would seek permission before adding Facebook or any other apps. Of course we will still have Instagram details but are we missing something?
How do you supervise the internet use of your pre-teen, or do you leave them to it?

Have talked to parents on the playground and we are most definitely in the minority in our desire to keep any kind of tab on her. My friend's DCs are younger and not yet wanting social media so we feel a bit clueless about what we should be doing here for the best.

Any tips?

freshstart24 Wed 15-Nov-17 15:12:21

Watching with a great deal of interest.

DS is also in Y6. He does not yet have a phone but lots of his friends do, and there are times when I have felt that one would be useful e.g. when clubs finish early, and when he runs errands, walks the dog. Plus next year he will be making his own way to and from school.

A good friend told me that she popped a PAYG SIM into her old iPhone for her son last week. Due to her Apple settings she could see all messages that he received from friends after school- she was shocked by the language and content of the messages and has taken the phone back.

CMOTDibbler Wed 15-Nov-17 15:13:09

We have Norton Family installed on Ds's phone. It lets us control everything, including usage, social media, app installs and lots of other things

Blastandtroph Wed 15-Nov-17 15:20:18

Is it an iPhone? You can set up restrictions (via a code not known to your DD) to limit her activity, e.g. downloading apps, accessing certain websites, age appropriate content only.

UnFuckingAcceptable Wed 15-Nov-17 15:48:29

Not iPhone. Is an android.
Will look into Norton family, how much does it cost you CMOT?

RiotAndAlarum Wed 15-Nov-17 17:37:08

If both you and DH are " pretty nervous" about this, why is it happening?

If you're really unhappy about it, you can always downgrade to a dumbphone (classic Nokia is making a comeback, I hear) with the sim card.

RiotAndAlarum Wed 15-Nov-17 17:38:30

P.S. My DS is in Y5.

Littlefish Wed 15-Nov-17 17:52:50

We use Norton Family as well. I think it's about £30 a year. It's great!

UnFuckingAcceptable Thu 16-Nov-17 08:21:13

Riot it's happening because mil asked if she could buy her the gift she wants and we agreed to it.
We're pretty nervous about a fair few things that will inevitably happen as DD grows, just as we were with her big brothers.

Technology, internet access and social media is here to stay and like it or not our children will one day join that world.
I'm just not sure how best to retain some control over it. Her siblings set their accounts up in the family pc and when joining high school had phones that were not smartphones. The popularity of blackberrys and BBM caused a lot of angst and was our introduction into social media I guess but DSs were 14/15 then.

I know that these companies say age 13 is their advice and while we don't have to give in to the 'everyone else is allowed' we'd rather allow certain apps now in order to build a situation where we are involved in the decision, than for her to get to an age where she signs up to god knows what anyway without us having any clue.

RiotAndAlarum Thu 16-Nov-17 09:19:22

Ah, I see. Thanks for explaining. It wasn't very clear from the OP whether you felt railroaded, and if so, why. smile

Janeypet123 Tue 21-Nov-17 14:41:53

We have the same dilemma, I got my older children iphones when they were in Year 5 and although they are good kids, they download stuff that I am not always happy about and this leads to tricky conversations.
My seven year old has asked for a phone for Christmas, my partner and I are separated and to be honest we love having the kids being able to contact us independently, so am keen to give her a phone.....
However I lost hair trying to set up parental controls with the twins!
This time round have gone for a simpler solution - she is having a Monqi phone - one that acts just like a real phone but I approve everything. She cant add contacts without me saying yes or no, or download any apps with permission.

Also I can block apps (bye bye YouTube) - and it has a funky geo caching bit where I can see where she is (or where the phone is anyway smile)

Best bit is - the parental controls are build in - so I kept my hair in when setting it up!!!!! xxxx

UnFuckingAcceptable Mon 27-Nov-17 07:24:05

A monqi phone sounds interesting Janey I suspect they have already purchased the phone mil most likely bought it in January when she starts the Christmas shopping but if not I'll suggest they look into them, thanks.

angelawilliams Wed 29-Nov-17 19:20:52

I don't think there is anything wrong with her getting a phone, my eldest had a phone in year 6 and she is now in year 8. It never did her any harm and she understood about being careful. Obviously, keep an eye on her and her phone but in terms of internet safety, I think it's very unlikely that she will do anything extreme or talk to people she doesn't know. The internet is different to how it used to be, as long as you monitor what she is doing (and explain to her why you are montioring it) then everything should be fine x

UnFuckingAcceptable Wed 29-Nov-17 23:31:19

In what way do you think the internet is different to how it used to be angelawilliams?
I'm at least given more hope that it'll be ok due to the amount of cyber-safety they've been doing in school so far this year.

YoungYolandaYorgensen39 Wed 06-Dec-17 13:01:02

My DD was given an iPhone by a relative when they upgraded their phone. She was in Y6 at the time. I have it linked to my phone so she cannot download anything without my permission. I also know which social media platforms she is on and have all the log in details for those. I randomly check her phone to look at her activity too and so far I am happy she is ‘safe’ although we still discuss the dangers from time to time. She was an e-safety ambassador at primary school (in Y7 at secondary now) so possibly more sensible than many.

My main gripe with the phone is the amount of time she spends on it which I do find much harder to control.

Member212711 Tue 20-Feb-18 11:44:21

Ooooh. Thank you for the heads up about the Monqi phone - I hadn't heard about it and it might well be the answer for us. Assumes that I get a smartphone as well, but you never know!

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