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Obscene message on my dd's phone

(5 Posts)
DorcasthePuffin Tue 14-Mar-17 22:21:37

I'm sure this happens every day on MN, but I am a bit panicked and would appreciate some advice for the next step. dd is Y6 and has a smartphone. We set it up with parental controls and have had many talks about keeping herself safe online. As part of this - and I know this is MN poison - I have warned her that I will occasionally take a look at her phone to check how she has been using it. I don't see this going on forever - increasingly I will give her her privacy - but for the first year or two I just want to keep an eye on how she is using it.

She agreed to this.

So tonight I take a quick look, as I do about once a month. Actually I just glanced to see who she had emails from, then looked at her photos expecting to see many portraits of the cat. To my great shock I found a photo of an online message addressed to a name I've never heard of, and saying, "damn ur hot text me I am 16 and have a big dick".

It's a photo of the message, so not at all clear what's going on here and where she saw this. Obviously I'll have to ask her (she was in bed by the time I got home tonight). Does anyone have any advice on what I should ask and what I should say? I'm terrified of getting it wrong and making her clam up.

SSR24479 Wed 05-Apr-17 00:21:12

What platform was used? What's the app called?

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar Wed 05-Apr-17 00:39:32

Could her friends have got it on snap chat and screen shot it and sent it by email?

SSR24479 Wed 05-Apr-17 00:50:52

What did the picture look like? How was the chat set up/color scheme?

LorLorr2 Wed 05-Apr-17 01:04:56

If the message was addressed to someone unfamiliar, it sounds like a friend screenshot the message and sent it your daughter so they could gawp/laugh at the guy who sent it.

Perhaps you could start off by saying 'So we have our agreement that I could check your phone now and then, and I've actually come across something that I do want to bring up with you' and let her explain the inappropriate message before jumping to any conclusions. I suppose how you deal with it and discuss it from there depends on how the picture came to be on her phone.

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